[gov3]

I been fighting this addction for the the past 6 years and nothing is helping so I decided to go cold turkey .

After gambling all our bill money from our joint account I felt terrible and decided to hit down all my internet banking , cut up all the cards. Blocked all my credit cards so none an be used for gambling. So I can just pay them off .

I asked my other half to manage my wage and got a cash card account that I can only take out cash as I only do online gambling have no interest in walking to bookies .

today is day 2 I have no urge as I got no way to wage money to those horrible gambling sites . It feels good and I am hoping it will last whole year.

I am going to post my progress on here as I really need all your support .

I just bealive that it’s not our fault for being compulsive gamblers these casinos hypnotise us in order for us not to think logically .

I only realised this today as I been searching for answers as to what makes me to go back to these casinos after always loosing and the answer is I like being hypnotised as I go in to trance and not think of anything else .

It’s sounds crazy but I need to know how it effects my brain in order for me to recognise it .
After few days of researching and thinking I noticed that

I only play in the evenings when everyone is asleep
I only gamble when I need money so badly
I only gamble cus I think I am going to win big to pay off my debts
I chase after my losses
I got this belief I am going to hit the jackpot

Now I know

I am never going to win anything and casino is going to be a winner all the time

It’s never going to pay off my debts

Odds are with the casino and not with me

They are controlling me so that I spend more

I am going to do this I feel so positive about it . They are not taking anymore money from me that’s it .

[velvet]

<

Hello Gov and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[gov3]

I know it’s still midnight but it’s the begging of the 3rd day and I decided that I am going to reward me & my family every week to celebrate my gamble free life .
So instead of feeding the casino , I am going to feed my family
I feel positive

[Fritz]

Welcome to this site, I hope you find it as rewarding as I have found it to be. Good that you are taking a stand and taking action to recover and focus on your family. Also great you are feeling positive. It really is a positive thing to stop gambling and move forward with a new way of life. We need to remember that no matter the awful stuff in our past, the glass is not half empty, it is more than half full! We have our whole lives ahead of us, and we are resilient, resourceful, and can do amazing things if we set our minds to it.

I read your post on I_Maverick’s thread and I agree with you that it is a travesty how governments are turning more and more to gambling to fund operations. It is also happening in the USA. What is even worse, gambling disproportionately affects the poor and middle class. Guess who buys the most lottery tickets? Guess which gambling game has the worst odds? Gambling should be illegal, but we all know that is not going to happen. We are likely to continue to see more rather than less, and that is disappointing. But I shouldn’t bring politics into this, it really is beside the point anyway.

The point is we need to stop gambling, and we need to do whatever it takes to stay away from gambling in order to have a better life. If they blast us with adverts, then I guess we should shut off the television and radio and walk the dog or work on the garden, or volunteer, or whatever other fun productive things we can think of! Best of luck to you and keep posting!

[gov3]

I had a great day today with my family and little one , I also treated my self for some pedicure which felt good .

At around 2000hrs I started getting the urge all because I received an email form a casino asking me to deposit money well I got no means to deposit money so I stuck my two fingers at the email and deleted it completely .

I than started thinking of gambling so I decided to visit the forum and read other people’s stories and now it’s 22hrs so urge is completely gone and I am looking forward to day 4 .
However I feel so on edge at the movement I can feel the gambling urge is irritating me also the adverts on tv from casinos are not helping either .

I know I can do this and done it before so I say to my self it’s a temporary thought and it’s going to go away in few minutes .

[gov3]

I had really bad nightmares last night I never had these before I was seeing slots in my dream. It was horrible but I got over it . Clearly I am not getting any support from people here , is it cus I don’t have a sob story or some dramatic writing experiance . Whatever it is I feel like I am talking to my self which is totally fine.
I been there done that and I am def not going to kill my self for gambling I am going to beat this and I am going to help others too .
Today is going to be good I am going. Out with few friends in the evening so will keep my mind off from gambling .

[I_Maverick]

Hi Gov,

Thanks for sharing. I’ve been reading your posts and wanted to reply, but couldn’t due to my mind not being right. I had a weak attempt at hurting myself yesterday, but last night went to a GA open meeting which included many friends and family of other members who were celebrating many years of a gamble free life. It was truly inspiring.

Your posted on my blog, so thank you for that. I have been gambling all my life on an off but only in the last years has it been a problem. My wife saw it was a problem with online poker straight away but I was too childish to see it – even though it was clear. And so it went on for 3 years until now – last year I managed to keep gambling for a year without getting caught. My moods depressed, I blamed it on other stuff. I had a big job on which I did just about complete, but I didn’t plan for the exit as I was gambling. Now the money has run out and we have no business. I have been a wreck since February. Today is day 15 gamble free since my last lapse and before that was 18 days. I am doing better than I ever have before. There are times I want to play poker but then I remember what it has don to me. I never won, I got frustrated at bad beats, crazy plays which pay off for people but never me. I go on tilt. I can never play poker again. I know that.

My life is in tatters now – I hope you do not let yours get this bad. There is a much better life without gambling – no more losses, no more wins to make you play more, no more worrying about where money will come from, no more lies.

It is going to take me the rest of my life to overcome this – I learned that yesterday. There was a guy who has been clean for 29 years – he still works on his gambling 1 day at a time.

Stay on this site, there are many people who will write on your blog.

Ban yourself, install a blocker such as K9, NetNanny or Gamblock, hand over control of your finances and work it one day ata time.

You are doing so well, much better than me in that you came here on your own. I waited until I got caught and lost everything. Now I have to rebuild, that’s my journey. The biggest aspect of that is my family – I have shattered so much trust. I do not trust myself.

Gambling brought me nothing but misery – the sneaking around, lying, planning on ow to get money, time and access to gamble. ATM they call it here.
Access
Time
Money

I have blocked all of those things.

I will follow your story with interest Gov.

[I_Maverick]

One more thing Gov, you never talked about GA. I would reccomend you get yourself to as many GA meetings as possible. I go to 5 a week at the moment and I am going to start going to NA meetings as many years ago I had a heroin, cocaine, crack addiction, as well as taking way too many aci trips, excatasy pills and smoking too much marijuana. While I never sought help for these and stopped naturally, I alwasy wanted to go to NA – so now I will.

They say you should do 90 GA meetings in 90 days – that’s a lot but they help. WHere are you? If you are in London you would be welcome at our meetings – we have all kinds of people, young, old, men, women rich, poor, British and many from other countries such as Iran, Greece, Romania, USA, Germany and Ireland among many others – it’s amazing. They are very open and will weclome you with open arms. I have many numbers now of fellow memebrs and we text each other and speak to see how each are doing. I am finding GA is finally working for me, as I WANT it to work. I am LETTING it work with an open mind.

All my love to you and yours.

[gov3]

I think my night mare disorientated me today , I feel like my mind ran a marathon .
My gambling addiction started in 2009 when I went to Las Vegas and never stopped since than , I had to leave my boyfriend as I was blaming him for taking me there and got me into this habbit.
I was out of control so I moved back to my parents for few years and rented my house . I went out and enjoyed my self that helped for a bit but I went back in to it again .
I broke down and was so suicidal so told my mother all about it but there was nothing she could do to help me rather than shouting at me she was so disappointed of me as my dad was a gambler and he still is , worst of it all her current husband is also a gambler so she thought it’s her fault and kept blaming her self .
We managed to over come this , I got rid of my iPhone and started using a crappy phone no internet this lasted for few months and I thought I was over it so brought a iPhone and back at it again and it’s been like a yoyo since than .
I met with a incredible boyfriend and we now have a child but my addiction is getting worst as we have money problem so I am at it all the time . The last straw for me was few days ago when I gambled all our money on our joint account so I got no money to spend till payday . I never done this before so I know it’s getting dangerous so i need to get help.
I am in Essex very close to london. There re meeting here but I got till Tuesday to build up courage to go being a women is hard to admit we have a problem.
My only addiction before this was smoking and I stopped just like that and it’s been 10 years . I never had any other addiction what so ever so it’s upsetting . I haven’t even brought nice clothes for months and it’s upsetting .
This time I need to beat this , I need to do it for my self & my son .

[I_Maverick]

Hi Gov

You are doing so well in admitting you have this problem. It sounds as if it is hard for you as you have so many members who are gamblers.

GA really works. The GA I go to is really close to a tube station, so if you are as close to London as say Romford, you would be able to get in and out within the hour from Liverpool Street.

None of us can quit gambling on our own. At our GA we have many female members. Obviously you have childcare to think about, but hopefully your partner can help with that. I am doing 4 meetings a week at the moment and I am now on day 15 and I am able to deal with the urges to gamble. When I think about gambling I picture the worst – and that puts me off. Or I think of all the times I have lost so much money and I ask myself if no would be any different? If I imagine myself winning, I then picture myself losing it. There is no wining for CGs. Any ‘winnings’ just become fuel and ammunition.

Does your partner know of your addiction. Ca you hand over all money to him, block your computer, get in touch with the National Problem Gambling Clinic in London and refer yourself. But in the meantime, find GA meetings to go to.

Please keep posting here, share your thoughts. There are many wise people here who, just using this site, have managed to stop their gambling because they can be honest. Write whatever you need to. yesterday i was suicidal – today I feel like a differet person. This morning I chose some Just For Todays and also said the serenity prayer.

My thought and prayers to you and your little boy. I have a little boy too and because of my gambling, lying, cheating, stealing my wife is leaving me. That means she is a single mum and I am responsible. I need to recover so I can be a good dad from now on. I want to live in the present, and move on from the past. As my sister said today as I met her in the hospital (she is very poorly). The past is another country – they do things different there.

Good luck

[gov3]

So sorry to hear about your marriage but don’t forget things can change once you recover than you can turn your life to the best . Your wife is upset but she will come around once she sees you are recovering .
My boyfriend knows about my problem but he doesn’t know the seriousness of it . He has all my finances now but it’s because I told him I spend too much money buying stuff online which isn’t true .
I am hoping to tell him the truth when I am on day 10 I just don’t feel the courage to tell him now as he helped me so much in the past financially.

I am afraid I can’t travel too far As I have serious health problems too to which I think what made me to relapse again.

I have no means to gamble now as I got rid off all my cards and online banking , I only have cash on me or use a cash card so temptation is not there.

I have a ga group very near me so hoping to pop there on next Tuesday if I get the courage to do so.

I think suicidal is not a good state of mind , I meditate allot so I would def recommend meditation .

Some one said a quote on another site he said

I did win because I did stop I keep repeating this to my self

So sorry to hear about your sister speedy recovery to her

[I_Maverick]

Thanks for that. My next process is one of recovery on my own – my wife needs her time. I need to make sure I am there for my little boy. My focus, though, has to be me. Because without my recovery, nothing else works.

Every day I go a day without gambling is a good day – and that means everything I do is good.

yes I will have good days and bad days, but we all do. As long as gambling is behind me I can cope with that. When I gamble I cannot do anthing else – hence my marriage and business broke down as well as myself.

I see that now and I cling to that so that, one day at a time, I can recover and in time become a better man.

Good luck to you, and sorry to hear of your health problems. I hope you have a good day.

[Dunc]

Talking about this addiction is hard be it male or female although I can appreciate that over the years its been seen as a male dominated addiction, but the truth now is there as many woman who attend GA as Men…

I used to attend Bexley GA as well as New Cross, that was 10 years ago and we had woman then… please dont feel that your not be welcome because I promise you would.

Another option Gov and im working solely as youve mentioned Essex is how close to you is Chelmsford, There is an organisation called Break even, Its free counselling based there… ring Ian on 01273 833722 and say Harry advised you talk to them…

Its 100% free and confidential… Your doing great, its a challenge at the beginning to take it all in… be kind to yourself Gov

Take Care

[gov3]

Hi maverick

You done it before you was a successful man earning great income with your business therefore you can do it again.
Maybe people like me and you need to go through this I order to accomplish greater things in life .

I don’t know but something inside me tells me that I am on to something better , I am on the road to success.
yes you need to think of your self for now but also you need to think about positive things .
Think of the positive out of this situation once you overcome this nasty addiction you can overcome pretty much anything .

That’s what motivates me as I believe there is greater force out there .

Your son will be proud of you one day as he will know his daddy didn’t allow this situation to put him down. Pick yourself up and move on .

Yes one day at a time baby steps to success , I don’t want to feed casinos anymore they are not going to get a penny out of me anymore .
I am not going to let the casino bosses have a free life out of my expense anymore .

[vera]

Wrote you a long post Gov. Pressed “Save” It vanished!
Bad internet here!
I know what you’re saying about the free availability of Gambling Sites etc but the root of the problem lies with us. We are the problem!!! Yes, the availability of gambling doesn’t help but don’t allow it to take your focus away from the real issue!
Well done on admitting you have a problem
So have I!!!
If I see the NO DSL sign again I will blame my Internet Provider for the non arrival of this 2nd post !!

[gov3]

I do admit I have a problem and most of us have the same problem and most of the reasons are very similar from what I am reading . We all have so much in common

But yes I now know that I need to deal with it properly now for my dreams and my families future .

Maybe I am greedy , I got a great well paid job and other incomes but I was still chasing for more , last 4 days I been thinking and I admit to myself I am a greedy person .

I need to be satisfied with what I have first .

But I still blame the bloody government making it so accessible too .

Today I did win because I did stop

[gov3]

Ok I am very drunk but I can still write , I been out all night with some amazing people who live near me .
The experiance was amazing .
I am embracing day 5 with joy and happines

I did win because I did stop

[I_Maverick]

Hey Gov

Hope you have got over you hangover – day 7 now how are you feeling?

Never forget that everyday you won’t gamble, you’re a winner!

[gov3]

Hi

I think it’s day 6 today had a great weekend managed to get a baby sitter so me & my boyfriend had a night out too where I managed to open up and told him all about it and he was so understanding which made me so happy , I am sorting out my online counselling forms today so cannot wait to get that started .
I will be going to ga meeting next Tuesday too still feel on the edge about that but it’s got to be done I guess.
Today is going to be a chill out day
Hope you are doing great maverick

I won because I did stop

[gov3]

Few minutes ago I hd a really bad urge to play , I opened the bloody email I received and wanted to deposit some money thankfully I got no means to deposit any money . I am not happy with myself or my thoughts . So I am going to sit down for few minutes try work out why I had this urge at day 6 .
I need to bet this addiction it’s driving me crazy

[gov3]

Thank you for everyone for the online chat I really needed it.
I am so happy for liberty teaching me how to put blockers on the iPad and iPhone I am greatfull for that and cannot wait for my boyfriend to implement them tmr night .
I am glad I found this forum :))

[gov3]

Just woke up with a bad headache as usual it wasn’t a good night but it’s positive as I didn’t gamble manage to get rid of the urge . I am hoping today is a better day . I am
Getting paid in few days so that’s when the proper test will start for me . Motto is to give nothing to casinos , lottery , scratch cards . I don’t normally play lottery but now I am
Going to eliminate my self from all sorts of gambling ,
I am hoping to save enough this month to get my hair done .
I will treat my self and my family everytime I don’t feed this horrible addiction.
It’s going to be a busy afternoon today .
Lots of strength to you all we will do it we will beat this monster.
I won because I did stop

[I_Maverick]

That sounds great Gov. You are doing so well. Stick at it. I had a bad night full of thoughts of the devastation I have caused my wife, child, family, business and myself. I have nothing left except ruins – and I struggle to see a future. All I know is that, god willing and one day at a time, I will never gamble again. But more importantly I want recovery – to fix my character defects, to improve as a person, to regain self respect and self worth.

I love reading your posts Gov, keep at it. Have a great day at work.

[gov3]

Don’t be hard on your self things happen in life there is always light at the end of that talent .
Have you read about law of attraction ? Read on it it’s very interesting .
I am in over 40k debt we all in the same boat but we need to keep going , I do bealive there something bigger for us all in the future we just have to bealive in this .
One day we are all going to look back ok this and say this made me to get to where I am now .

Hope I am making sense . That roast dinner you cooked sounds lovely haven’t had one in months might pop to carvery this Sunday

[I_Maverick]

Hi Gov

Thanks for that. I am going to read that. I am sorry to hear about your debt. I am lucky I didn’t create that sort of debt, but like all of us I think my problems are emotional and to do with myself. There are times I think I will be ok, and other times all I can see if what I did and the mess I am in. I need to focus and realise this will take a lifetime to sort out.

Have a great day and remember what you say – you win when you don’t bet!

[gov3]

Fear and worry will only make it worst trust me tried that . I been battling for 6 years .
I came to where are I am all on my own started working since 16 got a very well paid job at 16 working with airplanes this motivated me to live study and just work .
I worked my way up to where I am now never claimed a penny of the state always been proud when I look back on what I have achieved I say to my self I am not letting the devil casino to take it all cus I worked for it and it mine.
It hit me so much this time because I am having to sell a inheritance to pay off my debt and it brokers my heart .
This has been the turning point for me .
But I am looking at the future and hoping to learn from this mistake .
I cannot be hard on my self everyday as I need to be mentally strong to fight the casino and not let them win .
Being mentally strong & positive motivations is what will get us through to the other side .
I will never win if I carry on gambling
I already won because I did stop

[gov3]

I realised than since I been staying positive about my situation
Lots of opportunities are coming my way , my credit card company decided to half my monthly interest saving me 8 percent a month . This made me so happy another positive stuff to keep me going in order form me to find the road to recovery.

I will not gamble end of that story now .
Any casino owners reading this just so you know you cannot fool me anymore or take my hard earned cash , I have woken up

[gov3]

No urges last night which was great . Got paid and paid all my bills got enough money to last me till next month .
I would of had lot more money had I not gamble so it’s a bit upsetting but I don’t like looking back so I am not going to beat my self .

[gov3]

It’s evening again ,mi was ok last night but tonight I got very bad urges , cannot stop thinking about slot machines . I so want to play but I know I shouldn’t , I can’t anyway as have no means to access money online .

My online counselling session starts tomorrow afternoon I really cannot wait I so need this desperately .

I just feel so weak right now , I might try and sleep it off .

[I_Maverick]

Hi Gov

Really glad you staved off the urge, well done. Did you manage to get to GA, i recall you saying it was Tuesday (today). I just came back from 2 GA meetings, 3 hours worth. I got a lot out of it. Really helped.

have a great night. I;m gonna report something Harry posted on another thread.

A good day is when you had an ok day and didn’t gamble.
A great day is when you had a crap day and didn’t gamble.

In that regard it sounds like I had a great day.

Sleep well

[Anonymous]

Hi Gov, I have just been catching up in your thread . I have had a recent relapse and find it hard to post when I’m “active”.
U remind me of me.. I love eating out , hairdos ,pedicures etc
I kinda beat myself up at the moment that I am in my forties now and can’t afford to try a bit of Botox!!

I too have debts but despite my relapses , I am tackling them.
I rang every single company, Said I am skint – I want to pay you u will have to come up with a repayment plan.. They all either stopped the interest or lowered it so I could make a real dent in the debt.. Perhaps you could do something similar? I also set up a direct debit to come out on payday so they always get paid.

Gov I hope you are getting all the support you deserve . Your boyfriend sounds so great!

I also agree that it not our fault .. Since I came to this conclusion I find it easier to resist..
I no longer want it be taken for an idiot by greedy unscrupulous people.

Thank you for sharing . Your thread is great!!

[gov3]

Hi happy thank you for your comment I know exactly what you are saying.

I sorted out my debts they are paying themselves so I am trying to not worry about them because everytime I worry about them I relapse. But this time I am going to forget I have debt and enjoy each day as it comes.

I achived my objectives this week , got nails done , hair done , treated my self to some flip flops . These are the things I couldn’t afford due to gambling so it’s great .

I woke up this morning saying to my self why haven’t I have shoe addictin or bag addiction but I spose they are as bad as gambling addiction.
Any addictin is bad for us . I am scared of addictions seriously . Now days when I do something I realise I evaluate. It .

This gambling addictin has scared the hell out of me .

Last night I took some sleeping pills to stop me thinking so it worked . I am now getting ready to go and meet with a friend for cofee .

I got operation nextweek so my nerves are not in good state .

Have a great day everyone and remember we are a winner because we stopped gambling . Xx

[Dunc]

Hey Gov, Hope your ok, I think that was the record for entering and leaving a group, I didn’t even get the chance to say “Hello”

You know where the helpline is now, and the groups so please come and chat, its amazing how chatting for a few mins can alter the way we perceive something

I hope all goes well with your online counselling

Take Care

[gov3]

Hi Harry

I am so sorry I had to leave as the door rang and my mum turned up she doesn’t know about me trying to stop again as she thought I stopped ages ago so I couldn’t stay .
Thank you for your advice earlier for the nightmares and I totally agree with all you have said .
I am so glad I found this forum and on the road to recovery and I am so looking forward to my counselling session tonight .

[Adam26]

I’ve just read through your thread. Your doing very well. I’m a bit like you in a sense I just went cold turkey myself after losing just under 20k in a couple of weeks. I too have had the withdrawals and even the nightmares. It does get easier I can promise you that. But the urge will always be there. You just need to recognise the triggers and avoid them. I know what my issues are but unfortunately I can’t really avoid them full stop as I work in a bar and there’s gambling machines (my vice). It’s interesting you said your addiction started in Vegas. I actually went to Vegas once and didn’t gamble a single cent. I guess we’re all different and similar at the same time. Keep counting your days. For me personally it’s one of the main things that helps me. I’ve never gone a year without playing in my life so that is a goal I’ve set myself. If I can prove to myself I can do that, maybe I can open up to others about my problems. At the moment it’s still my secret. But I’m 8 weeks in and I’m feeling much healthier mentally. Just need my bank account to be healthier. My money was supposed to go towards my first house. At the moment that’s just a pipe dream.
Good luck in recovery.

[Dunc]

Just reading through your thread and a few times “Emails” have popped up…. unfortunately trying to get emails stopped is hard work and emails are notorious for being the “AHHH” trigger, the one you’re not expecting, the one offering a free £10 bet that will cost you a lot more emotionally and financially should you get access to money, and it’s not that easy to close an account either… most give you 90 days to reactivate.
All doom and gloom, Nope. The truth is emails are free, have you considered having a new email account. Gmail have apparently have the highest security and lowest spam rate of any free email.
As your partner is being so good, why not instead of trying to close the other account get him to alter the password to something gibberish and let it all disappear into the past, sure you’re have to update things like banks, friends etc with a new address (and us) but it’s a small price to pay for knowing that you won’t receive any-more emails from gambling companies offering free bets that will emotionally damage you

[Dunc]

I hear what Adam is saying about urges and acknowledge that for Adam at this moment in time he may feel this way, but in my experience this isn’t the case for the majority of gamblers in recovery

[gov3]

Thank you for taking time to write on my diary I really appreciate all your views and I do take them on board.

I don’t just get emailed I get bloody text messages too . I am having surgery nextweek so hoping to be stronger frame of mind to open a new email account , I just have to inform lots of people so it does take time and effort.

I had my tester session on online counselling earlier and I just realised I am one messed up women , I don’t just have one problems I got too many to tackle .
I now know why my friend are fed up of hearing about my health problems .
Adam I can’t talk to anyone about my gambling problem as I know they won’t understand the only person who understands is my boyfriend .
You are saving up really well Adam keep doing this and you will soon have your house . The problem is you need to keep it up and don’t let gambling take over .
I know it’s easier said than done so I am not good person to give advice to anyone .
I just been reading allot on law of attraction and trying to think positive so positive circumstances come and find me .

It’s a hard messed up life and out fears are the things gets us in trouble in my opinion .
I know I will never gamble again and this is it , I have to think about my sons future and save up for him at least .

[gov3]

I was thinking and just realised that . I been stalked by casinos because I get these emails just after my pay day and the text messages too comes after I get paid . I also caught few of them casinos looking at my credit file so they know everything about us and try to lure us in to gambling . They look at our financial situation and know they can make allot of money out of us .
I also got strong feeling these credit card companies and our bank account sells our personal information to them hence why I get these messages just after pay day .
My motto now is get rid off creditcards completely and debit card and not allow banks track down how we spend our money in order to advertise stuff to us. Look in to it I swear I am not making it up. It just clinked on when I was looking at my credit file which shows who done search on my name .

[gov3]

Mornning all

Another day is here for me , I am very ill today got worst cold ever for the past 3 weeks doesn’t seem like it wants to go .
I am lot more aware about casino tricks and the words they use on tv adverts . It doesn’t bother me as much as it used to be I just see it as desperate casinos looking for people to gamble well that’s def not going to be me for sure.
Have a great day everyone xx

[p]

Keep going with your gamble free days.. delete the emails dont even read them, write to them say take me off the mailing list, if it comes in the mail bin it.. dont open it. Keep yourself safe, the urges are there more at the start they lessen over time.. i still get them but they are milder now but never ever thought i would get rid of them before..
Do all you can do to protect yourself, this addiction doesnt care it wants the worst for us, find the part of yourself that wants recovery and hang on like mad

P

[nomore 56]

Maybe it would help you to block the emails. You don’t have to open them in fact it is better to not do that. You can block numbers on your cell phone as well. I block the hell out of junk mails and calls/texts from people I don’t want anything to do with. Usually really easy to do and prevents them from showering you with messages you don’t want.

[Fritz]

Hi Gov,
Sucks being sick, hope you are getting better!

So glad you are thinking of your son and saving up for him, that is wonderful! I have two children. I have come to the understanding that it is all about now, and working toward a better future for them. I refuse to get sucked into regret anymore. I can and will be a positive influence and force for them in their future lives from this day forward. Period. I think about this every day, and although I don’t always succeed at it, I recognize where I am not hitting the mark, and try again. I have realized that my purpose on this planet is to teach them and show them by example how to live. I was such a bad example for a long time, but that doesn’t matter now. What matters is today.

Good job having the courage to continue to stay gamble free. Don’t let the adverts and texts bug you, just delete them and keep going with your day. You are totally on the right track, you are on to their games and ploys, they don’t suck you in anymore. Here’s to our future lives without gambling getting in the way of our right to pursue happiness!

[gov3]

Hi nomore56 and fritz thank you for writing on my diary really like your ideas.

I been very ill yesterday and today so not been here . I am still going strong haven’t gambled at all. the urges is getting easier to manager. I seen so much gabling adverts but it doesn’t seem to bother me anymore .

But I did realise that the adverts have one thing in common and they all advertise about winning big but I know now that you can’t never win big so I just lough at them and dismiss them easily.

I got another very busy day today so it’s going to be great to keep my mind off things .
Hope everyone has a good day today . We are all in the same boat but trust me we will all come out on top and say no to gambling and not feed these casinos .

[gov3]

Last night was really bad had really bad urges yet again so what I did I ask my mind how much would you of gambled if you had the means so my mind said around £100 at least . So what I did was I brought my self two dresses and a cellulite socks which I wanted to buy ages ago . I used my creditcard that cannot be used for gambling so I slept happily ever after .
I still have nightmares and they are worrying but at least I don’t wake up every Morning feeling defeated.
I wake up,every morning since I stopped gambling as if I have so much to look forward to.

I know my addiction is really bad and I am glad I passed everything to my boyfriend to handle . I feel like I have more sense of control of my life like this .

Weather is really bad today so I think it’s going to be a duvet day for me and my son but we shall see .

I realised I don’t think about money as much as I used to do and this makes allot of things easy I sorted a payment plan for my debts so now they just pay for them selves and I just enjoy being happy .

I think this is what happiness is letting go off things that is out of our control and just go along .

I am in so much happy mood this morning god knows why .

Hope everyone has a great gamble free day love you all xxx

[gov3]

Another day I can’t bealive I made it to day 13 it sounds great for me .

I am not doing much today it’s going to be duvet day .
Not much to say last night was ok no nightmares but lots of urge .

[Anonymous]

Hi Gov . It’s so nice to read that you are feeling happy. Two new dresses wud certainly lift my spirits too.

Isn’t it just lovely having new clothes ? Has to be the very best thing about not gambling

Reading your post has made me think wouldn’t it be wonderful if the government or gambling charity would run ads on tv about the dangers of gambling .. Just like they dif about smoking .. I sometimes wonder how many lives gambling has taken..

Enough somber thoughts . U are doing really well.. A real success story.. And you are feeling happy and deservedly so !! Well done … Go girl

Ps going to google cellulite socks

[p]

wahoo go the new dresses.. how fantastic.. the good things about recovery hey..

P

[gov3]

Hi

Sorry couldn’t post earlier as had my surgery and in agony right now however this made me open my eyes even more to the fact that health is very important .
Still going strong haven’t given a penny to the casino monster and it makes me lough everytime I see adverts pop up now . When I see the adverts I can see how desperate they are to get our money off us .
Thank you for the lovely comments , I been too busy so couldn’t comment on other people’s diaries lately but I assure you I get notification and I read them .

I am very much looking forward to my new dresses and I managed to loose some weight too so almost ready for the summer with gamble free life and slim body and lot a of money to enjoy .

I am trying to be more positive lately and want to be able to keep my spirit high as this is important in recovery I think as the more I think about past losses I get depressed and more inclined to gamble .

Whilst I was at the hospital I was reading about kids getting abducted in Australia by peodofiles and this made me to worry for my son so much , a kid was kidnapped playing on his door step when I read these kind of stories I worry allot and makes me bealive my gamble problem is far too small compared to what other people are suffering .
I am now going to dedicate to save money pay my debts off and become full time mum for my son so that I can be with him 24/7 . Seriously this world is getting worst each day any way this is how I felt today . I don’t normally watch tv or news so when I do it bloody effects me so much specially if it’s about kids .
Hopefully I should be in better mood tmr and less worried .

Xx

[gov3]

Hi

Sorry haven’t been here yesterday was so busy trying to recover from the operation.

I am in lot better mood today , body hurts but mind is more stable today . I seem to have become immune to gambling haven’t thought about it in two day to be honest. But that’s probably because I have no means to gamble .

I been meditating regularly and I bealive this has helped allot lately.
My dresses arrived one was great but they other was too short so had to send one back. I still have lots of money from my pocket money left which goes to show how much money I was waisting by gambling before.

I am very proud of myself for doing this and in so much better spirit .

I am a winner because I did stop x

[Liberty]

after the op, you are doing so well, I love reading your updates you should be proud of all you are doing.

[gov3]

Thank you for your kind words liberty .

I wanted to gamble just now in fact I even registered to a casino and was planning to use a card that I remembered but something happened I received your message from email on my phone and I thought twice.
I am glad I didn’t do it and feel bad that I actually tried .

Hopefully I will overcome this tmr .
I am thinking it’s because I been seen loads of tv adverts regarding gambling .

[Liberty]

i have not been posting as I am not in such a good place, I am so glad that you got a msg alert, please write down now all the things it does to you, all the terrible trauma and torture you experience, you do t have to be in that place again, I love your expression I won because I stopped x

[gov3]

It’s terrible like a mental turture , always happen in the evenings I better change that card number that I remember I seriously don’t trust myself anymore I think I am getting desperate . But I need to do this and I need to get over it .
I really want to gamble right now i don’t know why but I just do . I hate feeling like this and I hate it cus it’s like cheating my self . Grrr I need to go and sleep

[Liberty]

read through your journal too gov, watch something on tv distract yourself, delay it it only ends in misery.
Remember I won because I have stopped
Anyone you can call ?

[gov3]

Last night was very hard but I managed to not gamble so I am saved from my self till tonight .
As the days go pass I get more agitated not sure why I am hoping this will go away soon rather than later as I got no intention to want to gamble . I am doing really well I just want to keep it up .
It’s hard but I am going to over come this
I won because I did stop xx

[Dunc]

Hi Gov, well done for holding in there, its hard but i promise its worth it.

One thing that for the first time iv sensed in your post is almost a white knuckle ride too recovery

There are 3 parts discussed in recovery that have an acronym of ATM..

Access to Gambling,

Time to Gamble

Money to Gamble

Whilst we often talk about urges and triggers as life issues etc… Urges can be reduced by reducing ATM

It may sound daft, but it really works, it’s not a long term way, underlying issues do need to be dealt with but if we can help locate your triggers and their related to ATM.. you might not have such a white knuckle ride

Can I ask, what parts of ATM to you have, what parts could you reduce and what parts can you remove…. or have you done all of these and Im way off track

Hopefully your start to feel better after your operation, id imagine your “Time to Gamble” has increased whilst you recuperate

Take Care

Harry

[gov3]

Thank you for your post .

I have removed the access to money however there is one creditcard I have that I remember the details to so I need to get Thant changed asap and yesterday I paid most of it off so I was getting naggings from the devil inside me to use that card to gamble but thankfully I recaived a message from liberty and this made me to think again. So today I reduced the credit limit of that card so I can’t use it . I have allot of time in my hands during the night and I might need to start taking my sleeping tablets to remove this .
I tried limiting the internet however I got online business to run so I need the internet to track this and k9 seems to be pain in the arse to navigate .
I think once that credit card is sorted I will have better control . It’s hard ride thought

[Dunc]

Hey Gov

The more you can remove, the lesser the urges, the lesser the white knuckle, the lesser the anxiety…. the better we feel.

I don’t believe you can cancel a card whilst there is money owing, but you can ring them and say you’ve lost the card and have a new one sent… don’t open it when it arrives and give it to someone to destroy

The invoice they send to pay the bill doesn’t have enough information to use the card thus the urge may well be reduced.. its not fool proof, but it really helps

[gov3]

Thank you Harry that’s exactly what I was thinking to do , I think having no access to money is def stopping me to gamble and ables me to concentrate on paying my debts .
I will give them a call now . I am paying cards off and cancelling them recently as I believe credit cards should not allow people to gamble they are aiding it so I want none of them in my life .

[p]

Use all the support you can against this addiction.. if what you are doing doesnt work then add some other level of support in.. ga meetings, counselling, talking here, posting, reading, chatting one on one on the helpline.. delay those urges, when you get them start instantly focusing on something else, dont sit there letting them build up.. distract, and delay delay delay those urges, put them off for an hour at a time.. they will disappear.. if you give them time.. all the best, keep posting. well done for expressing whats happening.. might see you soon in chat

P

[gov3]

Tonight I feel different , tonight I feel numb to my feelings and wants not sure why but tonight I have no urge and all I can think of is what is tmr going to bring .
I sometimes don’t want to think and let things happen in front of me and let the universe guide me .
I successfully reduce my credit limit on that card I had so I got no money to use that made me feel so much better as I paid most of it off this month and very proud of my self .
I haven’t spent allot of money this month either this goes to show that I am very sensible with money and don’t need allot and can live in my means . It is sad to think had I not gambled and racked my credit cards I would of used that money to go shopping and treat my little boy endlessly with gifts .
Today I noticed he likes cars and trucks so I want to buy him a truck next week . I hate day time tv as they got gambling adverts and my little boy loves it he sits there and watches it so cearfully , I keep changing the channels but they are everywhere , makes me sick.

Tmr is day 18 and I am so proud of my progress .
My online counselling starts in June cannot wait.

[gov3]

In better mood today it’s going to be house choirs for me today got allot to do but due to my condition I have to rely on someone else to do it . I got so many doctor appointments next week and week after I am sick of seeing doctors , consultants does my head in .
Anyway today is going to be productive day
Hope everyone else has great day today

[p]

Wonderful you are planning your day today and that doesnt involve gambling. Well done, keep it up. you are doing great

P

[gov3]

Again a very busy day today got kids birthday party to attend and than a family day . Last night I. Had such a bad nightmare again it wasn’t about gambling but it was horrible cannot wait till these nightmare to end . I am so proud of my self for making to today without gambling feels so good .
But I know the next test going to be payday for me I normally gambled after payday .
I managed to not gamble this payday and hoping the same for the next one .
God save the ex gamblers
I keep getting gambling emails and text it’s funny how they know I don’t gamble anymore so their emailed are more intense now and at least 10 a day despite the fact I unsucrible
Have a lovely day everyone xx

[gov3]

Woww I have already done 3 weeks without gambling so happy right now.
Not allot to say for today got lots of washing to do and house work , it’s going to be lazy day for us today . Hope everyone else is enjoying their bank holiday weekend. Xx

[gov3]

Not allot to write today I been so busy and had so much crazy nightmares

[gov3]

I been very busy today so didn’t have chance to update I am doing really good very proud of my self , it’s like I got new chapter in my life gamble free life and feels great.
I still need help so looking forward to my counselling sessions very soon .
I was at my local supermarket today normally I will at least buy a scratch card as I was so in to any gambling I didn’t but any for the last 22 days it actually makes me feel sick seeing them now .
Instead I brought me and my little one fruits to have for lunch felt really good .
Hope everyone else had a good day .

[gov3]

I had horrible day today was at an assessment that took place 6 hrs and proper drained the hell out of me . Need a glass of wine for sure now . No urges today as I got no time for it . Looking forward for my lasagne .
Recaived my waist training corset nearly threw up wearing it def not my cup of tea lol.
Socks are better heheheh . Any way my little one done my head in today too so overall not. Great day

[gov3]

I was away for 3 days stayed at my mums so that we can have a change it was great no urge to gamble things seems to be looking up for me I just hope it carries on like this .

[Anonymous]

Well done Gov. You are making such progress.
It is great I look back at all those days behind you. Keep strong !!

[gov3]

Again nothing major to update been really busy still gamble free

[gov3]

I am still going strong no gambling . But I did get the urge last nigh very badly

[Anonymous]

Well done Gov for not giving Into urge the urge ? Can I ask how did u feel after? What was the result?
I fill in a record on gamtalk and each time I don’t gamble I get to write on my thread “I have not added to my debt ”
Or something else that’s positive . It’s helping me ..

[Liberty]

Not heard from you for a while now, how are things with you?
Be good to hear from you x

[gov3]

Thank you for responding to my diary .
I been on holiday and didn’t take my laptop and I couldn’t update my diary via my mobile so I been quiet for a while . I lost count of what day I am in with regard to gamble free time .
So far I have not gambled yayyyy
I paid quarter of my debts it’s been hard but I managed to get them down well. I know I am making sacrifice as I am on a very tight budget but this is teaching me how much money I waisted on gambling .
This journey has taught me allot , i learnt that I was living in a bubble that needed to be burst it’s been almost over two months since I been gamble free .
I have decided that once I get my self back on feet I am going to help disadvantaged children to get education in a third world country my contribution might help one or two child but it’s something I want to do this as amount of money I waisted could of helped someone out there that needed the most .
I think here is a purpose I came to this world and one of those purposes is not to be a gambler but to do something that can help others as well as my family .
I also learnt that material things don’t matter much in this world because only things that stay is the memories we make with our loved once .
I been living in a bubble , I always wanted to be rich for my own selfish reasons in order to buy posh gucci handbags or designer clothes but none of this gave me satisfaction or happiness instead I wanted more so I started gambling to win that bug money .
I know I might be not making sense but this holiday with my family taught me allot .
I now want to make a difference not just for my self but for my family and everyone around me , I am not saying I am going to make the world a better place for everyone but if I can change something that that’s my contribution to Mother Earth.
I have changed allot .
I been reading all the posts whilst away as I get emails for the posts I follow but couldn’t update or reply to them but hope everyone in this journey will get the great results like I am.
I know it’s still early states for me and my partner still controls my money but this is giving me allot of goodness .

[Liberty]

It’s great to hear that you managed to have a family holiday and I agree spending that time with the family is so much more than gambling ever gave us or Gucci handbags!
Fantastic that you are doing so well in recovery and that you have your partner protecting your money for you. I think of it more as protecting it rather than controlling it, so that it’s there for what you need to do, rather than to give freely to those who already have been given far too much of your money and your very self, but now you are claiming back your life for you and your family 😀
Yes, nothing can ever replace our memories of our time spent with our families that is priceless.
You are doing great Gov, be very proud of yourself.

[gov3]

Thank your for your lovely post.
Today I know that I will never every gamble again . I have never said this before but I know that last two months thought me allot .
I am really looking forward to my gamble free journey .
This was a lesson and I have learnt now time to move on and look no further .

[vera]

You really have come to grips with you addiction in one foul swoop Gov. I’m very happy for you. Some of us are slow learners! Personally, I kept on and on trying to get the better of the slot machines until I ended up exhausted and I now admit defeat.
Sadly, it cost me more than I ever bargained for.
When we inflict pain on ourselves it becomes like torture . When the suffering becomes too much, we eventually call a halt.
I am glad you stopped before you reached that point.
Best wishes in recovery
One day at a time!

[Author]

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