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I’ve been following your story with interest, Adele! I’m so happy to hear you have found a therapist who is “tuned in!” I fully agree with that therapist when she refers to “acting in” and “acting out” Before a CG gambles , (myself),the thought is lurking in his/her mind for days. Personally, I think “triggers” are an excuse to gamble. CGs don’t need an excuse. The best way I can describe the “urge” (another description I dislike) is something like an itch . If you don’t scratch it, it goes away. Once we begin to scratch it goes crazy. I used to use the analogy of stepping on a bug before it bites you and listen to it squashing underfoot!
As a CG, I always have “fleeting gambling thoughts”. If I dwell for two seconds on a thought, it develops into a memory,then a longing or yearning sets in, then a plan formulates,and before I know it I feel a strong magnet sucking me towards the casino with the sounds and smells of the slot machines drawing me on so strongly that I feel a wind at my back and my car becomes like a magic chariot being jet propelled into a vacuum of no return. My counsellor often asks me what thoughts are in my head at this time.( The drive to my nearest casino is 45 minutes) It’s difficult to describe what happens on that journey, but I do know I manage to switch off all thoughts and feelings at this time. I use my cellphone as a distraction, either to text or play games , knowing that what I am doing is both illegal and risky. It serves to keep my rational mind from overcoming any non CG thought that might pop up. I think its all part of the compulsion or buzz. I hold the first note for the machine (€50)in my hand, park the car and my feet don’t touch the ground until I crash through the door that note slides into the first available machine and off I go to the land of Hope and Glory! (sic)
I won’t talk about the rest of the “event”Adele. You just asked for comments from others about the lead up to gambling.
One other point I would like to mention though, is that my gambling always takes place when I am alone and have money available.
Your husband is going to be alone soon.
Is there any way that he can NOT have cash or a credit card in his possession? Is there any possibility to have a fellow worker with him at all times, maybe someone who knows he is a CG? Can he be banned in advance from the casino? This is all of course assuming that he is not waiting and already planning on his chance to gamble which is very likely. Can you ask him if that is his plan?,
No matter what YOU do or say, Adele will not stop him if he wants to gamble but this may be a chance to get him to talk BEFORE the temptation takes hold.
I still hear vibes coming through , that he sees you as either the source of his actions or the person who could prevent him from “acting out”. I understand what he is saying, exactly but This is not the full story of course . It’s entirely up to him, and always will be.
A CG will go through flying bullets when that magnet draws us.
I write from very recent experience, I am sad and very ashamed to say.
I arrived home sometime in the middle of the night last night and as a last resort to raise cash, I have put my car for sale online.
This may seem like a trivial act, but after almost nine years work, it is the ONLY thing I have to show for my efforts. All my salary went on both gambling and debt repayments. I abstained from gambling for almost 14 months. Saved for that car and was proud to buy it for cash, but pride goes out the window when addiction takes over!
That’s the reality Adele.
CGs never win!
ps.The morale of the story, for Mr. Adele, if you’re finished making out your list of “do’s and don’ts”, which incidently won’t matter a fig, when the bug bites is “look before you leap!”
I love your posts Adele. You really are giving recovery your “all!”