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    • #24744
      mickdeno
      Deelnemer

      Hello everybody, my name is Michael and i finished my 14 week stay at Gordon Moody 3 weeks ago today. As part of my own recovery I plan on occasionally charting my progress on here and I really hope that my story is a positive one that maybe helps others see there is a positive gambling free life out there for them. However as with anything in life (which i have learnt the painfully hard and slow way) honesty is the best policy so good OR bad I will chart it here.

      But i have to say all is good until now. Compared to my life pre-GM, things could not be more polar opposite. I went into there a thieving, lying, worthless, self pitying loser basically who was an embarrassment to his family and friends. I am now someone who believes he can build a happy fulfilling life that people around him, including most importantly my 2 children (who are 4 and 1) can be proud of.

      I know its relatively early days in my ‘recovery’ but i have already faced numerous tests and I know i have built up a lot of strength that will hopefully continue to enable me to keep heading forward in life and not revert to the past me that became an utterly miserable person

      As i say i have been home 3 weeks now, i have had things not go how i wanted them to go in my personal life but i have had a lot more good than bad (the main good being getting to spend quality happy time with the kids) and i can now recognise that, rather than fixate on the bad!

      This Monday i will be returning to my job in the NHS which i have been absent from for about 4months now. Again i consider myself very lucky to have a job to go back to, although i know there will be numerous challenges that come with it I am genuinely looking forwards to it.

      My mindset, or my “thing” if you will, is that no matter what things go wrong in my life going forward, it will not be an insurmountable challenge and that as long as I talk to people about what is on my mind (which i spectacularly failed at in past) then I will be ok, my life has a lot going for it. A life with gambling in it has nothing in it for me at all, although I accept that as an addict there will always be a temptation for me to ignore what is common sense for me. But touch wood, I do have a belief that the future is good

      I will leave it there for now except to say thanks to anyone who has taken time to read this. I will make time to read other peoples stories as i really believe the best help for all of us is other people. I wish all fellow addicts the absolute best with their recoveries, take care!

    • #24745
      icandothis
      Deelnemer

      Hello Mick, Welcome to GT! Best wishes to you in 2014 and the beginning of your new Gamble Free life!

    • #24746
      Dunc
      Sleutelbeheerder

      <

      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

      privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #24747
      charles
      Moderator

      Hello Michael and welcome to the forum.. It sounds like you are already using some of the tools that staying in Gordon House will have given you, well done. Keep posting and i look forward to hearing about your progress in recovery.

    • #24748
      mickdeno
      Deelnemer

      Hi everyone. Well i am approx 6 weeks further on into my non gambling life from when i last updated and i am happy to say with pride i am still gambling free
      The 6 weeks have not been easy in many ways. My nan suffered a major stroke and sadly passed away after 2 weeks in hospital. This has obviously been hard in many ways, not least seeing the effect it has had on my mum, a fantastic lady who has suffered so much over the years through my gambling. But on the positive side i am really glad i was able to support her through such a tough time
      The effects of all this are still ongoing and i have not been able to settle into the routine i had hoped to. But what i keep telling myself is that i have built so many bridges and overcame so many barriers since i got home, even though the “rewards” are not always obvious. I guess like a lot of you guys will know a lot of the things am doing will reap rewards in the long term, hopefully people are slowly slowly starting to build trust in me.
      I have gone through a phased return to work and am now back on full hours. In 6 weeks ive managed not to stay off sick as i couldnt face work due to some gambling catastrophe, which day by day doesnt seem much but sitting here now i can recognise as an achievement.
      Ive built my relationship with Becky, mum of my 2 kids, and my 2 wonderful kids a helluva lot and i do feel like a proper dad. Despite all the debts, all the misery from the past, i have a lot going for me and i continue to work to recognise that.
      There have been some other tough moments, some friends havent been as welcoming as id hoped and maybe unexpectedly. ive realised some people will always look negatively at me, people i didnt expect to, but really thats the price i have to pay. it hurts at the time, of course it does, but as i mentioned i have a lot going for me and this time last year id have never have thought id say that so im truly grateful. Thank you and goodnight!

    • #24749
      vera
      Deelnemer

      Sorry to hear of your nan’s passing, Michael. RIP.
      When we stop gambling and make changes that take effort, we expect to see results. Often, the opposite happens and we are faced with unexpected challenges like sickness, unemployment , even death. At time we may feel there is no point in making so much effort when things seem to backfire, but the reality is that these things were happening all the while when we gambled but a lot went over our heads because we were numb to our feelings. Sometimes when I hear family events being discussed, I realize I wasn’t in attendance and it sends a shiver down my spine. Don’t expect people to welcome you with open arms Michael. Remember all the times we let family and friends down and put gambling first. It will take time to rebuild that broken trust. Good that you could “phase” back to your job in the NHS before resuming full time duties. Bit by bit your confidence will increase. Well done on having the courage to attend Rehab and to come here to let us know of your progress since your return home.
      Take recovery odaat. You have a lot to live for! Keep posting!
      It gives other CGs hope and inspiration!

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