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#49942
IRockVX
Deltaker

My mind is too concerned with what market/price are doing at the moment. I think a bit of it seaped into me/through my inner emotional barriers yesterday in spite of a little journaling.

Fearful concern over outcome … it is a bit of jittery withdrawal kind of feeling … like a wave from my subconscious reaching back for me … I feel I need to become very conscious with what I want to create now and today.

I feel kind of sad … I guess I’ve been avoiding sadder/mellower feelings lately and it might be catching up with me … like that fundamental heart/mind ache that hits … it’s a bit of a flinch reaction to numb it … I think my mind just wandered to staring at prices a bit to get numbed up from that feeling …

It feels like artistry and creativity that wants to express … artistic creative movement … body and soul expression …

One thing I always notice about where I feel my head buzzing/too much energy/noise going on is the top and back of my head … that’s where I tend to feel the buzz, quick/rapid fire thoughts, and a numbing draw …

When it comes to cravings and urges and stepping out of them … I think the parts of the body that are consciously engaged have a bit to do with it … the feeling that comes to mind is shame.

Not shame in what I’m doing now or have done recently … but an old feeling of shame in who i am … feeling like I am shame itself … i remember writing about these earlier and then forgetting about them … perhaps recent cravings just were my subconscious forgetting.

Humiliation and shame … the feeling of actually being those things and feeling heavy inside/defined by them … they feel like emotional bubbles that swell in waves … and precede cravings/wants to neglect healthy things or do unhealthy things …

«I am shame … I am humiliation …» … old belief systems that that was something to be embraced and lauded … to be a martyr … to be a sacrifice … to feel embarrassed for the sake and cause of another without question … old unpleasant beliefs i left behind …

That belief really becomes a self fulfilling prophecy …

Feeling ashamed for something done isn’t a self fulfilling prophecy … but the emotion consuming and becoming who I am is … Emotions sure are addictive … this is an old addiction from childhood … «I am shame itself» …

Or sometimes it’s a feeling of wanting attention or to be loved … of course it’s learned and rewired over time and remembered in moments like this that coming out of these feelings, being strong, leading with health and joy … and helping others do the same….

That is the way to attention. That is the way to being loved. The right way. 🙂

Make today gamble free <3