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Dear diary
Alcohol ruined my life.
I used it so heavily, I can get very intoxicated, I suffer from memory lapse or blackout, I got myself so numb I cannot feel well for a long time.
It has got me into all kind of trouble I don’t normally do in real life. I have ended in the hospital, and behind bar.
My judgement become impaired and my self-control become very impulsive, I have aged now, I am very fearful I will break the law under the influence of alcohol.
I am speaking about my personal experience. I made my life so difficult for myself because I abuse alcohol. I took alcohol to numb myself on the 9th April 2016 and struggle to correct my feeling after that. It is stupid if you know how hard I tried to correct my feeling, first I tried hard to numb myself completely, then I tried hard to correct my feeling to be sensitive.
After 3 weeks or so, when I can feel myself better, I experience a different problem
I start to follow my feeling and I have a different struggle.
I focus so much on me and myself, until I start to act according to my feelings again
My way was not a good way.
I took poison and cannot feel myself, and I start to devote time to get well and feel myself.
Now I struggle as a result of this.
My focus is on feeling me and not God.
I struggle very hard to listen to me and not God.
When I can feel and listen to me, I follow me and my thoughts and not God.
Alcohol really complicate my life. It was very deceiving and a big trap, I never think that I cannot control my alcohol or gambling use.