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#4692
Laila
Participant

Hi Chloe. Hope you are doing ok. I am the ex-partner of a CG, and would advise you to be very careful about going ahead with any further commitment in your relationship. As compulsive gambling is a progressive 'disease’ I am suspicious of your partner’s claim that he has never had an issue with gambling before (if that’s what he meant from your original comment), and would be wary of his claim that there are no other debts (though I hope that he’s telling the truth).

My boyfriend of a little over 2 years moved out of our home last month telling me he’d ran up a significant amount of debt (over £10k) on gambling using payday loans/credit cards etc, which I knew nothing about up until that point. None of the debt is in my name, and I don’t really knew if the amount of debt is accurate- but I found post to him from Stepchange (a debt support agency) after he’d gone, so it must have been pretty bad. His parents are now supporting him to get help. Last year he admitted to me that he had ran up some credit card debt on gambling (apparently a much lower amount of money- I say 'apparently’ as I am guessing that some of the debt was hidden), and I thought he had paid it off before the end of last year. I was shocked then, but wanted to try and work things out and give him a chance. Because he made light of it and I didn’t realise how serious his problem was (there was no issue with bills etc, as all was being paid out from my account) I didn’t even suggest that he get some help at the time.

I’m kicking myself now. Also annoyed with myself that I didn’t pick up that his mood swings and low mood generally were a sign that something wasn’t right. He didn’t steal any money from us, he never even borrowed money from me. When he walked out on me he said I was better off without him and he’s cut all contact with me since, telling me to forget about him. I’m still a bit bemused about it all, but thinking that in a way it’s lucky we separated now, as we were making serious plans for the future (well I thought we were, god knows what he was thinking, ha ha?).

As with other people who’ve responded on this thread, I’m not going to try and tell you what you should do ultimately, but I think other people on here are right when they say you should be careful before making further commitment to someone you aren’t sure you can trust. In fact- I would just note that I knew nothing about my boyfriend’s gambling problem until well after a year from when we had been seeing each other. I would also ask to check his bank statements if you haven’t already, another thing I now wish i’d done……. I also feel like I have been taken for an idiot, but then my boyfriend hid his problem very well. Make sure you keep in mind what you want for your future- I hope whatever happens that everything works out ok for you.