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Dear diary
When things start to improve, I become complacent recently, I lower my guard and didn’t think I need to keep it at 100%, I didn’t think a small fire can be that destructive to me, but when there was a few small fire burning around at the same time, I realize I was vulnerable and not ready to kill it.
There are many things I didn’t do.
I realize I was dissatisfied and find it hard to be contented with all the unexpected events that happen lately, I started to focus on the things I do not have and forget to be grateful for all the things I have and risk losing everything as a result, is it worth it? Ever since I found a religion, I realize I was such a big fool, I can substitute God with another thing such as alcohol and gambling. Instead of resting on God, I turn to other ways.
I was enjoying the new freedom I have after a few years,and I was not working as hard as I used to be on my day one when I go total abstinence, I allow myself to do things I wouldn’t do. I lose my discipline, I have less purpose in doing things, and I give myself room to do wrong morally, my excuse was I am still working my recovery but I was not trying as hard as I used to normally do.
I didn’t take baby steps, I was not looking at what is directly in front of me, I was not focusing on saving and giving SGD1,500 this month, I was dreaming about saving SGD 70,000 for the house and giving to my family SGD$70,000 over the next few years.
I was not doing first thing first, I was not looking at one thing at a time, I was already planning for bigger things 4 to 8 years later, my eyes are already looking far and not focusing on what is in front of me.
It is no wonder I trip and fall, I even roll….haha
Again I did it my way and my way proves it didn’t work for the hundredth times.
The challenges now is not bigger than 3 years back, if I focus and do the same back then…I should be fine.

Thank you God.