[Iwillbeatthis]

Hi, I’m new to this support group and found it while looking for help with my gambling addiction. I started gambling for fun in my 20’s but only attended a casino occasionally, maybe twice a year. I might have spent 20$ and that’s it. About 6 years ago I began gambling more frequently, I hit what I thought was big money at the time and within a couple of years became a CG. I am 48 years old, married to the same man for 25 years and we have a young daughter. I told my husband about my gambling problem 3 years ago when I got tired of lying about our finances. He was shocked and angry and with good reason. Up until this point he could always rely on me to be responsible even when he wasn’t. Oh yes, I’ve contemplated all of the reasons for starting this awful addiction, boredom, depression, loneliness, resentment….whatever, I was relieved when I told him because I could finally start dealing with my problem. However, here I am 3 years later and still struggling, still lying, chasing my losses and living in chaos while trying to cover up the financial debt. To make matters worse I have 5 brothers and sisters who love to gamble and use this activity as a way to meet up. In fact we have a trip planned to Vegas at the end of the month. This trip has been planned for 2 years and is already paid. I don’t want to miss this time with them but I don’t want to lose my house either. This week I decided I would reach out to family and friends by sharing my story and they just don’t take it seriously. I guess they know me better than I know myself. I told them my goal was to not gamble one penny in Vegas. Please wish me luck

[charles]

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Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[charles]

Hello Iwillbeatthis and welcome to the forum. Well done on looking for help. If you are reading the other stories here you will have seen that you are not alone with this problem, you will also ahve seen the sort of things that have helped others to stop gambling. – which of those things can you apply to your own situation?

How about getting yourself banned from your local/usual casino? Ask your husband to go with you when you get yourself excluded, it will both help you stop gambling and show him how serious you are about sorting out this problem.

Financial accountability helps as well, again your husband can help with that. It wil be important to come clean about any and all debts though, trying to keep debts hidden can in itself send someone back to gambling.

It is important to use support, if any of us could do it on our own then we wouldn’t be here in the first place. Luckily there is a lot of support avaialble these days – here and otehr sites like this, we also have live groups as well as the forums and a one to one helpline. Gamblers Anonymous meetigns also help many, counselling and more options are avaialble.

Now, the trip to Vegas. If it was me I wouldn’t go but the trip is paid for and it’s your decision. IF you go though then plan your trip before you go. Don’t spend your time there watching your relatives gamble, that will make it pretty much impossible for you. I know people who have gone to Vegas and not gambled, they ahve seen the sites, gone to the shows, gone on sight seeign trips etc etc Plan those trips before you go, have your time tied up away from gambling.

Is your husband going with you? Or someone you trust to both hold your money and be strong enough not to let you have it to gamble with?

You have already told people about your problem, whether they understand or not it is important that you ask them not to lend you any money for you to gamble with while you are there. Have that discussion BEFORE you go of course.

In the future then you will need to find other ways to meet up with family. A beach holiday maybe, theatre trips or whatever.

Whether you decide to go to Vegas or not, whatever happens there whne you do the important thing is to use the support tha is available to you. Keep posting here and hopefully I will also meet you in a group here soon.

[Iwillbeatthis]

Hi Charles, Thanks for taking the time to read my post and for the response, you shared some great options and I will take them to heart….Since the trip is already paid for, I will be going to Vegas, Believe me when I tell you this was one of the hardest decisions of my life and I have agonized over it. I was the last person to book the trip and I have gone back and forth over my decision for some time. I have already booked a show to see Celine Dion and another to see Mat Franco. As well, I have asked one relative that I trust to hold my money and credit cards for the entire trip and to only give me enough for meals, drinks etc. I have told her not to give me any more money, especially at night and after 10pm when everyone else is getting ready to wind down for the night as this is the time when I am most vulnerable. I have made plans to use the pool area during the day and I know my sister is planning the same so I will have company….if not I plan to rent a cabana and spend my money on the simple pleasures. So we will see how this goes. I’m kind of nervous but I also feel this is a good opportunity for me to show myself and my family how serious I am about recovery. In respect to being honest with my husband about our debts….In September I documented all of our finances and told him to take a look at them, I explained we had a lot of debt and yes some of it was from my gambling…he has never even bothered looking at the folder. He just said says „we spend too much” and I say „yes, we do and we have over spent for the last 25 years” See Charles, my husband has his own compulsions, he spent a great deal of time and money drinking so maybe he has his own feelings to deal with. I think he just wants to bury his head in the sand till I make it all better. In the end I have always made everything okay again….until now. Thanks for listening

[Author]

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