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#47937
jen3
Participante

I do not go to GA. I did years ago but it was not for me everyone is different. I did go to Celebrate Recovery which is like GA but it’s a Christ centered recovery program for all hurts, habits and hang ups. I stoped going but I am going back tomorrow. There is also smart recovery also again for all different addictions. (My cunslor rcomended said her patients love it but I never tried) I am going to that tomorrow but also have a site online. Similar to this one. I just registered. You should check it out. When I think back Thursday was when I normally see my Counslor and she was gone for the week. Just so happens I gambled that day. Ugggh. Not her fault but it proves I can not do this on my own and have to be active in my recovery. This site alone is not enough that’s for sure. I liked it better when they had open chat.. (not just for an hour here and there). I want to gamble so bad today. I am not going to because what good will come of it??? If I win and walk away it will just encourage me to do it again. If I loose,,,, same thing and I will just beat myself up tomorrow. I have to go pick up some money from the bar but I am grabbing it walking out the door and going straight to the bank my car loan is through and giving it to them. There is nothing owed but at least it’s the money will go towards something and I can not get it back. I really wish I lost it somewhere else besides a stupid bar that happens to be near my house and the bartenders are assholes anyways…. would I felt better if I lost it somewhere where I like the bartenders…. None of this matters and I have to figure out away to just let it go and pick up and carry on. I am scared to death cause like you said each time gets worse. Not nessacarly the amount of money but the psychological damage. Ugggh this sucks!!! Remember IDI. Our God is way bigger than all of this we just have to figure out a way to let go and let God.