Life in recovery remains imperfect.
I have learnt to accept the reality in my life.
I have stop my perfectionist behaviors.
Instead of focusing on all the things that I did not achieve in recovery and sink into self-beating and self-pity mode.
I look at all the things which I was able to do and achieve in recovery which otherwise would not be done.
It was all positive and encourage me to continue recovering.
It was my off day, I woke up early. I have arrange to meet up my counsellor to talk about things at 11 am today;
I had 17 smooth going, stable and comfortable months but in the last 4 weeks, nothing seem to be working;
it felt terrible but I did not slip or relapse this time.
After breakfast, I walk pass the 4m tree that I tried to help yesterday on my way home.
I saw the tree bending side way from the 2.5m height.
I saw my help can only do so little; when I stretch my arms upwards, my hands can only reach a little more than 2m.
I tried to tied this tree to the supporting straight pole beside the trunk;
Yesterday the tree was bending 90 degrees sideway below 1m, today it was bending above 2m.
The picture I see amazes me. Yesterday I saw one life in the tree.
Today I see two lives in the tree, the tree and the bird resting on the part that was bend sideway.
There is a Higher Power at work providing life to the tree, the bird and me. I was grateful.
I cannot control everything that happens in my life but I can stop gambling with the help, mercy and grace of my Higher Power.
Suddenly I feel that life was like a movie
there was a creator, script writer, director
I play the character.