Hi Frankie
Along with your other responses I have to add that I too took my CG back because I loved him, because I thought I could save him when no other could, that the problems would intimately end by him realising what he was doing.
It didn’t work for me Frankie, I went 23 years taking him back, unwittingly enabling him because I didn’t know anything about an addiction to gamble and even when I was eventually told after 23 years I didn’t believe it. The last 8 years took me to a place I wouldn’t wish on anybody but finally after 25 years he was gone. This was followed by him spiraling horrifically deeper into his addiction, until he could take no more and went into rehab.
Frankie I understand what you are doing but I don’t want you to spend the next 25 years in this pain and sadly it isn’t going to change as long as you allow him to manipulate you. Your partner isn’t doing it deliberately, he has an addiction – but you don’t have one – you are stronger than he is but his addiction will weaken you as long as you allow him to control your life.
My CG eventually changed his life around away from me and finally we have a relationship of trust. Within that trust he told me that as long as I had enabled him he couldn’t find the courage to face his demons – he didn’t have the ability to change himself without treatment.
He would never have stopped Frankie as long as I fed his addiction.
Sadly your partner’s addiction is winning at the moment so next time you want to throw him out think very carefully how much you can stand by your words.
I cannot tell you what to do Frankie because you have to control your own life but I believe you will be wasting your breath asking for your money back and the same goes for his mother. He is an active gambler, there never will be any money for him to spare because any money he has is for gambling not for caring about you or your child.
It is a sad fact Frankie that your partner would probably do very well without you – he would probably find another enabler, another place to sleep, another person to feed him. You say you can’t be without him and I understand that but what you need to do without is his addiction.
Keep posting. Nobody is judging you – we can’t. I did everything wrong for all the right reasons for 25 years. I can’t go back and change what happened to me but you have your life and your child’s life ahead of you. Keep getting knowledge of his addiction because knowledge is power.
I have brought up my thread ‘The F&F cycle’ for you to help you see what is happening and what will continue to happen until you decide to live in the centre of your own life and not on the edge of his.
I wish you well Frankie – you are really understood here
Velvet
