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    • #16825

      Its really the first time which i am righting in english but i have to right in english and to be honest i am qyuite happy about that even if i know i am making lots and lots of mistakes grammar and dicktation mistakes but dose not a matter .
      its is my life as a forighner as a refugee in Uk who get addicted to gambel and i know a lots of forighner which get addicted to gambel too .
      maybe because they have already the mental trouma because they have to leave theire homeland and they dont have any other choices
      it is an excuse defenetliy like any other excuses that we are making for our mistakes but this is true aswell
      but i am not righting in english because of refugees i am righting for gamblers for me and part of my tribal gambler tribal
      let start from a few days ago i cant remember too far ,2 weeks ago i went to casino dor 3 or 4 time i am always playing in betshopswith rulet mashin
      and in last few mounts i was always l;ucky
      when my rent which paying by dss cames to my account i played roulet with that money and in last few mounts i just won first luckily
      but 1 week befor my rent money cames to my account i won nearslly 2000 pound and i bought a camera good camera
      i used to do photography in my country and i wanted to have a camera maybe this camera could saveme fromgambel
      i play with that money again and always i told toimyself hamed you know if you gambel you are gping to lose this money please please stop and dont do gambel anymore
      you have enough money to fix something amnd there is oppurtunity to achive something
      i am doktor acctually a GP but not qualified in uk and if i pass 3 exams ielts and plabs i can work here as a gp
      and  i wanted to pesvade myself dont do gamble but
      i done and i won first i saved 2 grand plus my camera and printer  and i gambled again
      and i lost all money
      but next week i won again with just 100 pound i made 3000pound
      i told to me you are not stupid you are not going to risk this money again
      and i bought a new labtop and i lost allmoney again
      painpain pain just pain
      it is true that winning is more worse than loosing  in terms of time because when you start with 20 pound if you win 40 pound 40 pound means alot for you but when you are wining 4000 pound then even 200 pound m,eans nothing and if you lose 2000 pound of you winning money in other day i think i cant do any thing with this win and i need 4000 pound
      i lost again ang then the rent money comes i was afraid to go to betshops i hate gpoing there i told to myself its thelast gambel i am going to play pooker i used to play pooker when i was a kid and during m,y study in medical university  in iran pooker was something secret becausse gambel is forbiden in iran but it was something like a proud for universtiy student to be a good pooker player and okwe could loose or win a bit m,money but the fact the acctual fact was not money was the skills i used to play persian stud pooker
      but anyway i practise texas holdem pooker on face book as a game and i found a place to play cash pooker in london and that night when the rent money arrived i wanted to go to pooker club to play pooker but first i went to a casino and i lost 600 pound
      i wanted to came back to my home but i went to pooker club for second time
      with a hurt mind and quite anxity
      and i lost all my money
      i back home nearlly in the morning and i start to drink vodka and take tablets
      the day after i asked my flatmate to pay me 800 pound more and i promised him to give him more discoumt on rent during we are sharing the house
      he knew about my problem he is very nice guy he left me today and i beged his forgiveness and in his eyes was niothing against me he is very nice i have done alots of badthings with him i am not going to do anything wrong against him
      i called him now
      i am going to give him my new labtop and my printer
      they are worth about 620 ican give him my camera too but i am going to ask him to keeo the camera because he made me to start photography and its his geaft to me he restart the motivation about photography on me but i was that musch seek that i could not carry on with my motivation 
      any way i called him now and he was in a middle of a meetting and i asked him to call me back he is going to call me in a few hours and i am going to give him my printer and my new labtop but not now loooool i am still selfish because i put my old labtop and my camera on cash convertor and i have to pay them 230 to get them back  but now i dont have money to do that then i am going to get them back on 28th of aogust and i will give him this 2
      I want to be his friend again
      i want to proofe me to him and the community around him who accepted me as amember of their old existing community
      i want to have that again
       ok i am tired now  its really hard to right in other lkanguage andd
      i think its really really very hard for english to read it and make sence of it looooooool but no ither way  ene?loooooooooooooooooooooooooo
      i am going to gordon house in 29th of this mount and i want to be free i love freedom and i need help to be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebeauty

    • #16826

      Originally posted by thegambler
      … i need help to be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee …

      Good evening Dr G, my name is Larry and I am a Compulsive Gambler, my last bet was August 13, 2009.  Welcome to GT, it is a place you can find help; you will also find the friendship of others that have experienced all the things that you have and have felt all the same hurt and guilt –  you are not alone in your trouble. You may feel a bit lost in having to use English, but the pain and guilt caused by compulsive gambling is a Universal Language in it’s self; we all understand it.
      There is not much you can do about your past losses, but you can put an end to any further losses; it is not an easy task but it can be done – you need to not gamble for anything. Not to try to get the money to pay the rent, not to get the money to get your things out of hock, not to give yourself a way to escape your situation – Do Not Gamble For Anything, you know that it will not work, you will only get yourself into deeper and deeper trouble.
      There are some agencies in the UK that might be able to help you set up a plan to pay off some debts, but, getting money from others to bail you out will only cause more trouble. Connect to the Help Line or email the GT office and ask for the name of the agencies that may be able to give you advice on handling your finances.  You may also find some of this information in your own language, ask if any help is available of those pages. 
      Best wishes on your upcoming treatment at Gordon House, put all that you can into this program and it will benefit you, it will help you become freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee; a recovery program will work if you let it, it wont if you don’t.
      God;s speed, use your Higher Power to guide nd strength you.Larry"Day Two Is Another Day Behind" – With the help of a Higher Power, My 3G’s – God, GA, and GT, I will continue to be  gambling free.

    • #16827

      thanx larry
      you are right i have to do nothing eccept accepting help
      and i accepted that i need help tanx UK .I am a reall refugee not someone who cames here to make money .I could make much more money in my *****ry than here.and UK gave me refuge its true that I was a victum of abusing Geneve Convantion ,its a convantion for refugees ,but any way Uk give me other chanse to be alife and now gave me another chanse to get free from my gamble problem by going to gordon house
      I think they can help me to sort it out  my debt problem as well and I want to be cured to be honest i am that much sick that i cant help myself even i cant go to my appointments I had lots of patiant which suffered from depration but I never knew that deppration could be this much worse
      I was living complitly alone in last few years .of course the most reason for my lonlyness was my gamble but when my gamble problem gets worse and worse i did not have family or friends support here to take me to my gp and my community health centre to help me and i lost all my appointments and i get nowhere
      i needed somebody to look after me i remember the time on 2008 which for weeks and weeks i stay in home just taking sedative tablets and sleeping all the week not a single day till i get my next benefit payment and gamble it again and loos it again and back to the same place again
      i needed help there was help availble but i just ignored that its right that compulcive gamblere can affect others life as well at least 15 others as gh website say and last night i ***** the people who get affected woth my gamble problem and i found more than 15 person
      i am really happy that i am going to gordon house i dont know what happening there but its my only way and i want to get that help which i nedd
      you are right i have to do nothing eccept giving myelef to gh and the specialist there i am broken
      but i beleive human been can cure from every thing and i know i can if i want
      I called my mother now and i promissed her as well to do my best for my life
      to make her happy

    • #16828

      such a stupid life i passed in last 5 years. i cant beleive that .I was a very active person my aim in my life was to help otheres i was working for 10 years in very remote area in iran just to help people who id not have medical facilities i was a amature photographer and i took morebthan 3000 portrate from kids which i love them .even in my worse time of my life when i see a kid i cant stop smiling at her or him .i dont know what happend for me .
      i remember a story from buda who saw someone with an arrow in his leg and he asked himself why me ? who through this arrow to me and why? buda says :he die before he could find who hit him. he should first take out the arrow from his leg and then think why and who hit him.
      its my situation for more than 4 years i asked myself why ? why? why? it was a mistake i should take out the gamble arrow first from my body and then i should think why or maybe after that even i did not need to know why?
      any way looks i am righting for myself and i am happy becouase i know even in my language may be just a few people could undrestand me
      i always lived in my dreams and i thought i have to follow my dreams its right i have to but i dont know is my dreams was my reall dreams or not
      i have diffrent dreams from others i never own anythinhg i hate ownership i wanted to share everything which i had with others i was a comunist acctually in reallity and it dose not work
      i love herman hese and his famous bood steppen wolf and i am a fan of paolo coelio and i love his book alchemist
      i lived this 2 books in my life i passed tow big seas in 1996 when i scaped first time from my country because i had to
      i was in afganistan in 2001 just 2 mounts before 9/11 because i wanted to help those who fighted against taliban and i put myself in a very dangerous situation to help afganish people who sufferd from taliban goverment
      i was in kossovo in 1998 when kossovian people was fighting against miloshovich army and i went there to help them
      i dont know anybody here read the book called Rudin RIGHT BY IVAN TORGEIOF russian novel righter i sometime think i am rudin loool
      i am lost in reallity and fantesy i dont like this life i think this life is just a mess and i always lived in my dream
      i spend 5 years all together in prison for political reason and i never complain about that time it was my choice
      now is ramadan and muslims are fasting i remember when i was 14 years old and i was in prison in islamic republic of iran and every night every night they hit me and my friends 30 lashes and they tought they are doing thier duty about thier god
      my family are muslim and they are cool they never did anything wrong about other people they are simple people who beleived to their faith and they are happy but when islam interfare with politic like any other religion or ideologies its horrible becouse they are thinking they are doing their duty to good
      i dont know i am confuse about my life i could take alot alot alot and now i can take any things
      what is this gamble problem?what this problem can make from people ? i am quite famouse in iranian inttlectual community but i dont want to be engage with iranian community because i feel shame
      and i know non of people who knew me in past they cant believe this person is me ? as i cant believe that
      i cant remember myself
      only thing that i know is i have to be cured again to be able to help others
      i dont want anything for me and my flatmate told me yesterday it is the problem
      dont take me seriose i am just righting somethoing nonesence from my past and my current situation
      its really confusing me as well but i have to right other whys i have to kill myself because i cant take anymore this shame this guilt

    • #16829

      Welcome, im happy you are able to write your thoughts down, this is a place where you will not be judged, and its great to see you writing both the positive and the negative things in your life.  I understand when you say you cant remember yourself, i felt that way too, the person i am was  buried underneath this addiction.  As time goes on, little peices start to be chipped away, and the person you are, and always have been will be revealed.
      Its important to put up barriers, so that you are protected when you either have money, or opportunity to gamble.  These are dangerous ***** and you must be ready for them, as this addiction will sneak up on you, and no matter how strong you believe yourself to be, when the urge comes, if your barriers are up, you will be able to get through them.
      Can you ask your flatmate to help you, perhaps to hold your cards or chequebook so you dont have any access to money?  I commend you on going to Gordon House, a decision that im sure will change your life for the better.
      Keep posting, your english is much better than i think you believe it is, and very easy to understand.
      Hope to hear more from you,
      Take care, bye for now, Kathryn xxxxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

    • #16830

      thank you kathrine for your comment
      no i cant ask him because he left the flat yesterday but anyway i dont have money to gamble till next thursday and on 29th of this mount i am going to gordon house i have barriers now i think i have it now
      i am not going to do gamble again with help that i am getting from gordon house
      i dont know that much about gordon house i found it by chanse i came to gt page bu searching google and i explaind my situation to one of adviser here and he offerd me to go to gh and i accept it
      i knew for first 2 weeks as an accesment i am not allowed to go out of gh and i am ready to do that
      just this 15 days looks to my a life time
      unfurtunatlly for some papoerworks and also some furniture which my flatmate left in flat i cant go earlier to gh but any way its just 15 days even if i think its a life time
      just let me know do you think can i get back on the road ? can ibe able again to think lodgicly and be able to do my duties for community who helpped me to be alife and secure? can i be usefull again? i am really now suffering from serios mental problem and i think already you know that with reading my posts ? as a gp i know i can cure from this illness but may be i need someone else to tell me as well ?
      i wish i could find out more about the things in gh then i can make myself ready to face it do you know any pages which gave me more information about gh? i already have thier website and i read that . but there is not anything about the acctivities which taking place in gh  .
      i am worry not for being alife or dead , i dont want to be die in this situation this shamefull situation .
      i did not care if i was ececuted for political reason in my own country ,because it was my choice and i could be proud of myself
      but dieing in this situation is horrible ,i want to be free and then it is not important to be die or to be alife ,but here now in this shamefull embaricing situation dieing is another shame

    • #16831

      ***** tg
      just wanated to say congratulations on coming here that is a wonderful step to helping yourself.. keep trying and working at being gamble free, the days will add up togethere and you will see here that you are never alone, we are all i n the same boat all here for the same reason, to be gamble free
       P – Living and Learning

    • #16832

      Tanx p
       I always knew that I am not alone .maybe 20 years ago I read a book wrote by Feodor Dastayoski :The Gambler, Dastayoski get divorce and after that he start gambelling and in a few years he was in huge debt and he made a conntract to write a novel to oay off his debt ,and he had to write this novel on 26 days,some intresting thing about Dastayoski is that he used to dictate every word of his Novels ,any way  a beayriful young maybe 18 or 19 years old russian girl typing his novel and he write The Gambler in that 26 days ,he get married with that girl as well with a huge diffrente age

          A few weeks after reading this book ,I wacthed a Russian movie and the story was on base of that 26 days of life of dastayoski ,the period of time, he wrote The Gambler and the name of movie was

          26 Days of dastayoski’s life

          Dastayoski is a genius and I love russian litrature and russian cinemas they have a great cinema

          and it was an amausing film ,yesterday i wrote on myfacebook that the feeling which i had whne i was wacting that movie  and the fantesy which came to my mind after wacthing that movie and reading again and again that novel The Gambler,made my present time .loooool

          looks crazy but in some point it is really true and I am happy now I knew that with the help which i will get and i am already getting by knowing this site I will put an end in this gambeling problem but I approtiate my experince to ,the experince which tought me how can i live with nothing for weeks ,how can i need just essential for living .and how strong i could be


    • #16833

      Glad to see you are using the Forum Hamed. It was so nice to meet you at group. All the very best for your journey at Gordon Moody House, they will take great care of you. I will be here for your continued support, as will the other members x

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