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#160279
Losingitslowly
Deltagare

Hi Jay, it’s funny that you say that about being clear headed at work. I had never realized how much my gambling had affected the way I worked and the amount that I accomplished until I stopped gambling and focused on my life more. I love the clarity that I feel now. It’s like I have started a new job. When my gambling stopped me from missing work or being late or even leaving early my relationships with my boss and my co workers changed as well because I was more reliable and present when there. My work was the reason I started gambling so I felt that I didnt care if it affected it at all. I feel a bit different about all aspects of my life now and I believe that, like other substance addicts, I looked at the world through glasses that only favored those things that helped me gamble and tainted the view of those things that stopped me. I was so surprised that I was actually that far gone that it made me depressed to even think about it. We are all functioning addicts to a larger degree than substance addicts so we think that we are better. We are not. When I think of myself as an addict like the alcoholic then it takes away the allowance that I was giving myself to keep on doing it. I have cheered on my nephew for years as he tried to kick an opioid addiction and am disappointed in myself that I let myself think that I was any better. I must cheer myself on in the same way and stop to think about it on those terms when the urges rear there ugly head. I had a test of it last night and I passed, but am fearful that the urges will keep coming back and I will weaken. I have strength and you have strength, we just have to tap into it at the best time possible to kick this thing to the curb. Have a great weekend