Hey Dan – wow! That is a significant insight you gained from a simple metaphor. (Not mine by the way, just heard it somewhere.)
How you describe chasing was almost like being inside my head, and all of the Compulsive Gamblers reading this will surely attest to that. Yes, Danchaser, you nailed it. "Put your sledgehammer down, keep your hands up, and back away from the casino tables slowly."
You reminded me of how the winning felt great at first. I think it was someone on this forum who posted that when Kelsey Grammar was interviewed about his ******* addiction and asked about his regrets, he said he never regretted any of it because he felt f’–ng great while he was doing it. Like most of us, my excitement was fueled by increasing amounts of winning and wagers.
Looking back, however, the increase in excitement and increase in gambling was inversely proportionate to the decrease in excitement from other (healthier) parts of my life. These healthier parts disappeared and left big holes for the addiction to sweep in and fill. I study those healthy parts of my life that disappeared very closely now. The autopsy helps me with my recovery. It happened over many years, but the lack of excitement and the absence of joy in my life were the truer sources of my addiction. There were others, and they all progressed over time, but I am reminded that an important one was excitement. Where’d that all go? And then the gambling fun turns into that monstrous realization we all face in the end. One of the most demoralizing experiences we go through is that walk of shame after it stops being fun and we lose everything. To top it off, those of us in denial and still unaware of our addiction always walk out thinking, "What the **** is wrong with me?!" "What happened just now?" "Am I slowly going insane?" I say yes to that last one, though. Especially because there are only a few possible endings to our road as Compulsive Gamblers: prison, death, insanity. Recovery, as you mention Danchaser: Recovery is never-ending.
Celebrating your victory and breakthrough as if it were my own. – S– 9/6/2013 9:15:14 AM: post edited by Sirena0215.