Hi Amir,
every word you wrote spoke out to me. I, like you, feel extremely ashamed about gambling and fearful of my family finding out. That responsible and pragmatic young girl my parents raised and my siblings once knew is no more.
Please dont apologise for being religious/ spiritual, this is personal to you and the way in which you express your thoughts and emotions. No one is judging you.
I also feel that I have wasted away years of hard earned income.
What you wrote about ”who when he was successful and having enough money to save wasn’t that good man, and maybe this humiliation I feel is very useful for me on a spiritual level to realise how vulnerable is a human and be really humble and accepts this lesson and all the future ones while being broken and poor in spirit. knowing that my smartness and capabilities didn’t led me to a good situation and I need to improve and I do need God’s grace in my life.”
I feel that hit the nail on the head about me and how I viewed myself among my friends and family.
I think I have become far more forgiving towards others and more empathetic since my relapse. I found it hard to forgive those that made mistakes around me including my husband and I feel that my misfortunes have made me realise that I am flawed and fallible. I am human. I am humbled finally submit, I need god in my life to give me strength, discipline and guidance. I rknow now that I CANNOT CONTROL everything