- Detta ämne har 195 svar, 20 deltagare, och uppdaterades senast för 10 år, 7 månader sedan av .
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Hello. My name is P. I am a compulsive gambler and i came to this site around Four years ago. I have had a gambling problem for about Six years. Of those years I have tried continually to stop. So far i have not gained total abstinence I have relapsed many times over the years but with each relapse i have learnt so much. For me it has been a process and a costly and painful one. I try not to focus on the amount of days gamble free but the quality of each day i have. I attend gamblers anonymous meetings and addictions counselling. I have experienced emotional breakdown due to my gambling, i have reached the depths of despair and i have struggled like crazy to stay afloat. Some days i have gone insane, some days are a breeze. Its all a journey and my journey has been made so much more colourful by being here at this site. The most important thing i have learnt is if you get knocked down then get back up. Never ever give up. It is never known what is just around the corner. To all newcomers welcome, to the old timers our journey continues… and on the following pages, my journey continues with each passing day, hoping and praying that they will be gamble free one day at a time….
Your friend P
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Hi P,
I think you may have figured this out before I did (lol), but I thought I’d share it with you anyway!
Are you maybe having trouble posting on the new site?
I’m running around sharing a way that I figured out for getting my comments to post at the end of the thread instead of landing somewhere in the middle.
Here it is if you’re interested:
Don’t use the “Add new comment” box for typing your comments.
Instead, click on the dark purple “reply” button (next to the “Complain about a message” button) just under the last comment posted on the thread.
When you click on the “reply” button, a new window pops up where you can type in your comment. Then when you hit “Save”, your comment will post at the tail end of the thread like it’s supposed to!
This new site looks like it’s going to have some really cool features, and I think we’re all going to like them once the GT team gets all the kinks worked out!Adele
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P you really are amazing and I admire you so much. You are tenacious and never give up fighting this addiction. I think you have to think of how much gamble free time you have achieved by coming to GT and GA and counseling. I know for me I had to surrender and accept that I am powerless over those slot/vlt machines. It is strange when your sane brain is working and not your addiction brain you think it is just random where they stop, but how many times I sat there saying it was due to pay out. Praying that I would get ”my money” back, asking someone to watch ”my machine” until I ran to the ATM to get more cash because it was ready to pay out!!! The devastation, tears, hatred when I had to leave the Casino having lost too much money and not able to win my own back. Chasing those losses again and again. The outcome was always the same every time I went. We deserve a life free of gambling P, and it is not easy some days, hours, minutes, but we will continue to fight for a gamble free life!!!!
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Hi P, I am wondering where you are and if you are okay? Please post and let me know you are okay. I have been posting under add a new comment and save so I think they have some of the kinds worked out. Keep posting Sweet Pea!!!
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Thinking of you, P. Hope you are doing ok and hope to see you posting again soon. I am glad you can rely on the support of GA and don’t forget GT!
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Hi P,
I’ve missed your posting spree and now you have gone quiet. I hope you are handling the family dissapointment ok. It’s hard to be let down by our family 🙁 In the end we have to make a choice to save ourselves, regardless of family members. You are worth having a gamble free life. Those that depend on you deserve it as well. You can do this P! Please let us know how you are, Laura xo -
P so glad to see you are posting again. It seems that the challenges we face seem to take over our life. It is tough some days to be positive and we have to keep working on looking at what we have to be grateful for. I have been saying quite often to myself and others for the last little while… count your blessings. We may be compulsive gamblers, but we also have so many blessings in our life. I know for me it is my kids, my grandkids and of course my husband, although some days he drives me to distraction LOL Welcome back Sweet Pea!!!!
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having a coffee this morning before I take my dog to the vet. It seems somehow i don’t have a whole lot of me time. There are always errands and chores that need to be taken care of. Glad to see you are feeling a new sense of peace. I think our loved ones do look down on us. To this day I am sure my guardian angel or a loved one from the other side sent me a message on the day that I released my secret to my close family. I will never forget that feeling that there is so much more to life than what we see. Take care of yourself xo Laura
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Great posts,P!
And thanks for posting to my thread and being so kind. You look out for everyone like a loving friend/sister!
I fully agree with all you say about the consequences of gambling.
Like you, I KNOW it’s costing me far more than money.
That scares me…
Am I going to spend the rest of my life self destructing under the guise of enjoyment and fun.
How warped is that?
I have to fix a mantra in my head ”I cannot gamble”. Or maybe as you suggest forget we ever saw or heard a slot machine.
We can’t allow negative habits to rule us. If we pick up a red hot coal, we will quickly drop it. Same can be done with every destructive habit in our lives.
”What you are aware of, you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you!”
Every CG here is aware of the evil consequences ogf gambling….Talking about ”AWARENESS”, has any one seen Geordie!??
I really miss his posts! -
Good morning P, evening for you. I’ m having a coffee, logged into chat this morning. It seems from you last post that things have changed for you or shifted perspective. That knowing that you can never gamble again. What is the point? If you/me/any CG put that first bill or coin in it is going to rip open those old wounds. Quickly we make up for lost time and spiral out of control again. I think you are like me in a lot of ways, a very sensitive person. It’s almost like we feel too much. Or maybe others don’t feel enough and we are just fine 🙂 So don’t be too hard on yourself, see if you can get that movie in soon. And you are so right, baby steps. And sometimes the biggest step is to just hold on for a bit and not lose any ground. Hope to catch you around on chat one of these days. Drop me an email to let me know what times you may be around this weekend and I’ll try and catch you. I have to sign off for a bit but I’m hoping to be back again shortly. Take care sweet pea!
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Lovely to hear from you as always and glad you’re in a calm (albeit flat) state of mind. I felt pretty awful yesterday, but you’re right, for me it’s usually a day or two and then I’m back up on the wagon. Had a hard time shaking it off today, but had to because I had to visit my good old Pops. I just love my Dad and I’m so happy to have him around, considering he’s 92.
Anyway, I will post to my thread tomorrow when my head is a little bit clearer. Right now, need to get to bed. Have a great day.
Love, RG
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Dear P you really are amazing!!! You are fighting to find the positive in life and stay away from gambling. Your posts to others are so sweet and you give so much of yourself. I always get so worried about you when you are not here posting. It is terrible how we have to work at not being reclusive and shutting ourselves away from others. You are doing great and keep on doing it!!! I think I can, I think I can the little engine that could and that is you!!!! I am going to be late for work, got to go. Have an awesome gamble free day.. Sweet Pea
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Dear (((P)))! Thank you for all the times you have posted on my thread and encouraged me. You are doing well on your recovery journey. I really understand wanting to isolate as I do the same. I like the quietness and being able to do what I want and when I want. I’ve never been a really sociable person, other than going for lunch with co-workers. I don’t like staying in one place for any length of time. I’m not a big visitor! Kudos for you for going to counselling and GA. One day at a time! Carole
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Hi P, Having a cup of coffee in my part of the world this morning. I hear you with the procrastination. So many self-improvement projects and projects in general starting on Monday. lol and then next Monday and the next. That’s what I am doing this week…telling myself, I’ll begin next Monday really working on health and fitness and other areas of my life…like finding a job, being organized, ambitious, etc. etc. etc. So many promises I make to myself that I break. But just like our recovery, it is ok to take stock and start over. Right now, I cannot afford, in so many ways, to break the promise of not gambling. So, just for today I am not going to gamble and by the grace of God, I will get through the rest of October gamble free. My prayer for us all! Hope you are having a good day, P!
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Amen to that for all of us, Ican!
”Gambling is for losers”, is my new mantra
I’m sick of what it has done to all of us!
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… here comes a hug- right back at ya!!! Thanks our darling P for writing to me and always being there to cheer me up. I’ve been away this weekend — up North with my MIL celebrating a late Thanksgiving. The FOOD, P … the food was AWESOME!! Turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, green beans and on and on. And then freshly baked apple pie, pumpkin pie and coffee. Aaaahhh — to die for. I give you the details because I know you will appreciate it, P 🙂 Decadent!!
I hope your visit with the dentist went well. I am SO, SO overdue on that. How awful we are when we’re tossing thousands into the machines and not putting a penny towards our own health and well-being.
I am very proud of you our P for your strength and tenacity. Keep going in this journey — never, ever give up. I’m with you, every step of the way.
Love, RG
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So sorry that you are having the ”sads”. It is horrible when you feel like that and you try and try to get out of it, but it is tough to do. It is strange how we can wake up one day so full of the joys, and other days the feeling of sadness will not go away. It depends how bad they are with me, but sometimes if I get out for a while and do something they lift, and then other times they stay with me. I don’t know what to say Sweet Pea, but you are doing great and your tenacity to say gamble free shows how strong your will is to have a life free of gambling!!! I am glad that you have decided that ”we are never ever ever getting back together” with gambling. I hope that you get that song in your head and it gives you a smile :):)
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Hi P thanks for your post sorry to hear your feeling sad today hope your form picks up soon. Sounds like G.A is great medicine for you . Take care
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You are never alone, P. I am right here, thinking of you. So proud of you for not gambling, even though you are feeling down. I also have been eating a lot lately and I need to change that. A friend of mine keeps cut up carrot sticks and celery in a glass of water in the fridge so that they are easy to grab and munch on. I buy bags of carrots and celery and they end up getting thrown out because they go bad, still sitting in the bag. Perhaps my friend has the right idea. Cutting things up in munchies portions right away and have it readily available would probably induce me to eat it instead of junk food. Even cutting up watermelon and cantelope and having it in covered bowls in the fridge would appeal to me if it were ”ready to eat”. Anyways, I got off topic there, congratulations again on not gambling today. Debbie
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Feeling the emotions is far more healthy than sweeping them under the carpet, P or worse still, stuffing them (and your money) into slot machines.
I never feel anything when I gamble. (I used to think I felt a buzz or a thrill but those reactions are not feelings.) Maybe it’s because those lights and noises and smells hypnotize me.
I don’t want to be a zombie any more. I want to be real.
Feelings change, P. Everything changes.
One day at a time.
Gambling is not the answer but for a CG it seems like a solution for all our ills.
Keep calm . This sad time will pass. I pray for you everyday. I know how hard you have fought in the past. I can see a huge change in you. Miracles do happen! -
Dear P
Everything you write says you are learning and growing. ‘Normal’ can be pretty mundane and can be sad but feeling emotion is to live.
Have you been for that walk yet? I know how hard it is to restart doing something again when you have stopped. Set yourself a goal, put on comfortable shoes, open the door and off you go. Perhaps you could give yourself a reason for going – to feed the ducks or find a field to photograph. If it doesn’t meet with expectations the first time then have another go. It does mean taking a deep breath but then you can come back here and share whatever emotion you felt on that walk and it will be read and enjoyed by all your cyber friends.
It is my absolute, positive, total, complete belief that you can ultimately be more content and experience greater joy for going through a terrible experience. Gambling addiction is one hell of an education and one I think everybody would rather not have experienced but to turn it round and make something good come out of it is like spitting in its eye and dancing on its grave.
I have learned so much from reading all the posts that come from people like you who have fought such a battle against such an evil adversary. I admire you. It is because of all of you that I am here writing and proud to be part of this site.
We will learn and grow more together and I know it will get better and better.
Well done
Velvet
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Lack of sleep is the worst thing P! I have suffered from insomnia for years. Sometimes the cause is mental. Sometimes, physical. Noise or light would keep me awake all night, so I make sure I won’t be affected by either. I use ear plugs (try them!)and everyone who ever stayed in my house knows better than to turn on lights after I retire! Except for the odd all night party, I get by but I do feel very selfish laying down so many rules ! Only people who suffer from insomnia can relate, in the same way that CGs can relate to those who share the problem.
Walking in the daytime certainly helps sometimes, but the exhaustion that a sleepless night causes makes it difficult to walk.
So that’s my little lecture on insomnia, P! Not very helpful but at least you know you are not alone.
I envy people who can close their eyes and switch off.
I can’t remember what its like to wake up feeling refreshed.
I don’t wonder that your moods are labile and that you feel sad and down at times. I simply cannot function without sleep. That is one of the reasons I decided to take early retirement. Now I can stay up half the night and not have to stagger out of bed at cock crow , drive for 30 minutes and face a 12 hour shift.
After Christmas, I will do some agency work if I can get afternoon and evening shifts, but for now, I ’ll enjoy being a lady of leisure and ”eat when I’m hungry and drink when I’m dry”. The only thing off bounds is gambling!
I think of you a lot P and hope and pray you find balance and stability in your life. ODAAT! -
When you day is just crap, there is NOTHING like a You Tube cat video to pull you through. I saw this and thought of you. Hysterical!!
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=613048185403036&set=vb.225247854183073&type=2&theater
Cut and paste into your browser, P. I couldn’t make it underline.
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just remember your last gambling binge P.
I felt like gambling today, too, but I’m safe in my bed now. 12.45.
The feeling will pass.
Try anything to stop yourself going. I looked in on the chat but there was no one there… -
I hope that the thoughts/urges have gone!!! I hate this disease/addiction and what it does to us. Hang in there even if it is minute by minute… just remember the break-up with those machines and that you are ”never ever ever getting back together” You are doing amazing and give yourself credit for how far you have come. You are not a quitter and you will get there (((P))) one day at a time!!!
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Dearest P,
you have been missed, nice to see you back -
I can relate to how you are feeling. Not easy to do what we need to when we ourselves are dealing with so much. It shows how strong you really are. It’s understandable to want an escape. And that’s what gambling was. We just didn’t know we were escaping to hell! Now you need a new escape. Your movie, your walk, your GA meeting. You time. Make it a priority, make you a priority. Without you your little family would be lost. See if you can carve out a little bit of me time. Tough but you are important too! I used to have a lot of insomnia too so can relate to how you are feeling. Now my pain medications make me sleep. Not a good way to have to cure insomnia but it turned out to be a wonderful side affect. I love being able to sleep when my pain isn’t keeping me awake. I hope this post finds you in dreamland. xo Laura
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I hope that you are sitting enjoying your coffee and reading posts. It is horrible when we go through those ”yucky” times. I was going to use another word rather than yucky, but was not sure it was appropriate ”sh–y” times. I think it describes it better. I think we are a work in progress ”sweet pea” and we just have to keep working at it. I don’t handle stress so well now and also suffer from depression, but I know if I started to go for a walk or some other exercise that it would help me, but still I don’t do it!!! Enjoy your coffee and try to sit and let your mind go to some happy place. I believe I need to try this for myself. What a difference in your recovery P, as before you would have stayed away for so long, but you are getting more and more determined about your recovery. Have an awesome day!!!!
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I’m delighted to hear you got some sleep at last. P.
”Balm of hurt minds;Great nature’s second course!” (Macbeth). -
I am a bit concerned as I have not seen you posting for a few days. I don’t always answer your posts, but I am always reading them and watching to make sure you are okay. I hope and pray that you are okay. Please post and let us know how your are.
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Hi P
You are not walking alone P and everybody who walks with you will be crying ‘yipeeeee’.
Keep walking forward every day – you will never be alone and your dream ‘will’ come true.
Velvet
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Glad to hear you got your computer fixed, P!
My phone is one of those ”idiot proof”types ( I have 2 actually), that would not allow me to post. Just useful for texting and phoning. No extras!
Why would you put a bet on a horse, P? I have no interested in that type of gambling but can see the risk of cross addiction for a CG.
I’m trying to sort out my retirement business. If I had known it would cause all this stress, I think I would have continued working. I still keep in touch with my ex colleagues and I feel as if I’m just on annual leave and will be going back in a few days. I only worked for less than nine years in that job. Had a long career break. Went back to earn money to pay off my then ”not too huge” gambling debts and the rest is history….
Anyway, P, I want you to know you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Life can be a struggle at times. I have yet to meet a person who never gets a cross to carry, but as we all know gambling solves none of Life’s problems! Just creates more and more , if we allow it to.
Chin up, P!
You’re doing great! -
I was so glad to see your post P and that you are doing okay, well as okay as any of us with our compulsive gambling can do LOL Our life seems to always have ups and downs and stresses to deal with. I dream of a serene life, but I think the only way I could get that is if I was to join some group that meditates all the time and does nothing else. I know that I am working on trying to meditate more, but I am not very good at sitting quietly and letting my mind relax. I keep trying though as when I can manage to get there it does help calm me down. You are doing great and doing what we are all doing, taking it one day at a time!!!!
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(((P))) it is great to see you posting and getting things down. I know that there are times I just come and post and I feel better for it. It may not make sense to others who read it, (I am not saying your post does not make sense) but it somehow makes me feel better just getting my thoughts down.
I find there are times that I need to come and post every day, and then other times where I don’t post. I think if there is something bother me I need to post as it just seems to help me get it out of my system. Then there are other times when I feel down and I need to post then. I also love reading posts to see how everyone is doing. If we take it one day at a time we will hopefully be able to stay away from those machines.
Great job on exclusion from the Casino close to your work!!! I know what you mean about the machines being everywhere. We were out for dinner on Saturday and there is a slot machine room in the Hotel. The machines really are everywhere. I am not even looking for them and they are there in your face. On Saturday when I saw it, I found myself saying to myself in my head, you don’t gamble anymore. It showed me though how you have to keep reinforcing this fact to yourself. I know that if I put one dollar in a machine that I will be back on the same road of destruction. I am totally powerless with those machines and have no control to stop once I start. I hope and pray that I can continue to think this way. -
Hi P, Hang in there and ride the gambling urges out!! Stay strong!
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Dear P
Why are you not going to post here anymore?
Please allow all those who care about you to understand why you are going. You have been doing so well and it has been a pleasure to read your progress. What has happened?
Velvet
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I hope that you rethink not posting. You will be truly missed by me if you don’t post. I will miss hearing how you are doing on your recovery journey. I really want you to reconsider as it is good for you to come and get support. ((((P)))) cyber hugs!!!
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Hope you reconsider P but if you need some space at the momen the doors always open at GT take care
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I don’t want to bring attention to you, P. I missed your last post, and I couldn’t let you go without saying something. I am having my cup of coffee and of course that makes me think of you. So, I raise my cup and say a prayer for you. Take care of yourself. So much love here for you. Please don’t forget that.
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Hi P, I hope you change your mind about posting here. When things are bad it’s the time to use more support not less. As a CG i also know that we can’t do it on our own so if you do stop posting here what support are you going to use instead? Hope to see you posting again soon. maybe see you in a group as well.
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They say at my meeting that we are as sick as our secrets. As much as I try I still have not told my wonderful brother about my addiction or my recovery. I would be mortified if he knew about my thread and knew my secrets posted there.
I get it, I really do!
I love love love my kitties! They are the one thing that I can —– on-they love unconditionally.
Just another thing to be thankful for.
bettie -
P, I think of you often. I think of the times we were on chat together and all the supportive posts that you written to me! Just remember that you have a lot of friends here and that I am proud of you. Take care!
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“It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; Who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
Theodore RooseveltDear P,
Lest someone (who possibly cannot understand your many struggles) make you feel anything but strong and worthy, know this: You are in the arena every day alongside many sooty faces and could never be counted among the timid, whether it be victory or defeat at the end of your day.
You are brave.
You are important.
This is your arena.
Adele
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Commitment
As we walk through life, there are many things and people we may lose, or lose out on, if we are unwilling to commit. We need to make a commitment for relationships to grow beyond the dating stage, to have the home or apartment we want, the job we want, or the car we desire.
We must commit, on deep levels, to careers – to goals – to family, friends, and recovery. Trying something will not enable us to succeed. Committing ourselves will. Yet, we need never commit before we are ready.
Sometimes, our fear of commitment is telling us something. We may not want to commit to a particular relationship, purchase, or career. Other times, it is a matter of our fears working their way out. Wait, then. Wait until the issue becomes clear.
Trust yourself. Ask your Higher Power to remove your fear of commitment. Ask God to remove your blocks to commitment. Ask God for guidance.
We need to be able to commit, but we need never commit until we are ready.
God, guide me in making my commitments. Give me the courage to make those that are right for me, the wisdom to not commit to that which does not feel right, and the patience to wait until I know.
You are reading from the book:
The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
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It’s good to see you intend to keep posting. Next time I see you in a group I have a suggestion for you.
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Sweet Pea I am so glad that you have decided to keep posting. I was so sad when you said that you were not going to post, but I respected your decision. I imagine you sitting with your cup of coffee reading this and ready to start another gamble free day. P thank you for being such a big part of my recovery journey as we are all in this together. The cyber hugs when I relapsed over and over and yet you never gave up on me. I often think of Pumpkin and wonder how she is. I will say a prayer that she is doing well wherever she is. I get sad when I think of all the wonderful people who don’t post any more and wonder where they are in recovery. That is why I am so glad that you are still posting and I get to read your posts and hear about your recovery and all the wonderful flavour coffee you drink. Have a wonderful gamble free day P!!!!
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I couldn’t agree more our Sweet P!
Life really throws it at us sometimes. Our job is just to keep putting our feet on the ground and keep moving.
Take Care
bettie -
Hi P, I am so glad you have decided to keep posting. You have made so much progress. It makes me smile just thinking about it. I am hoping everyone here can have a blessed holiday season and that we won’t mess it up or add unnecessary drama by gambling.
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I trust that you had a wonderful sleep and are ready to face another day free of gambling. It is funny how we wake up some days full of the joys of life, and other days we feel so down. I know that I am working on trying to see things in a more positive light now, although some days it is difficult. I keep thinking about all the blessings that I have in my life rather than what I don’t have. It is day to day Sweet Pea and we just have to think that ”today is going to be a good day”. Now that seems to bring a song to mind to me. Yes, it is the Black Eyed Peas. Go do a search on the internet and listen to it!!!! I keep thinking of Debbie and going to the kitchen and turning up the music. It is amazing how music can lift your mood. Take care Sweet Pea!!!
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Sweet Pea I am sorry that you had a bad sleep. I can relate to the feeling of having to drag my butt after not sleeping well. You feel terrible, but you have to still go to work, and you struggle to get through the day as all you want to do is sleep. The joys of life at times is not really a joy at all LOL I hope you had a better sleep last night, and that you are ready to face the world today. You are doing great and just keep posting. It is one day at a time that we get through this. It is strange how one day we feel wonderful and the next we feel blah, but we know we can get through the blah day if we take it one day at a time. Enjoy your coffee and think yourself lucky that you have nice weather. We are now completely covered in snow here, and the temperature has been at -17C already. Brrr it is cold. Have a good one!!!!
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Great post P. I’d say my own recovery is very much about acceptance as well. I have surrendered to the booikes, now they can’t hurt me any more 🙂
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I loved your post to me about surrender p!
I was just reading something in my chropractors office. It was an artical saying that people aren’t ”addicted” to things like drugs, that things like that weren’t a disease, and that we should never surrender because we are strong and we can fight. I thought well it’s clear to me that that person is one of those that just don’t get it. Even in war there comes a time when you just have to throw up the white flag, surrender, regroup, and try something new. Why would we keep fighting a loosing battle? I guess thats human nature. But you and I know better. Surrender for an addict is admiting that the disease is killing us, and we are ready for something better.
bettie -
Hi P, I am late for work and don’t have time to read your posts, but wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. Have a great day Sweet Pea!!!
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Hi P
That’s great that you ’posted your heart out’ – writing out your feelings and thoughts can be so beneficial. So glad you enjoyed the movies – what one do you hope to see next?Best wishes,
Monique
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Keep posting to your hearts content. I find that sometimes when I sit down and start typing it is amazing how things come out that I was not even thinking about. I feel it can be therapeutic in helping deal with our emotions.
We can make any excuse to go play machines, but that is all they are, excuses!!!! I know that I miss the feel good thing it does to your brain, but it can also come from exercise. I know that I need to get up and do a bit more, but I will get there one day. I am not going to use it as an excuse to play machines though.
Enjoy your coffee and have a ”wonderful gamble free day” because you deserve it!!! -
I just wanted to wish you a cheery good morning and say that you are doing awesome. I hope that you have your coffee in hand and are sitting reading this. You really are an inspiration to so many P as you never give up and you fight this addiction so hard. I am so proud of you. And thanks for all the support that you have given me. It is one day at a time and we just have to keep our thoughts away from gambling at those machines. We know it is a ”mug’s game” when our mind is clear, but when we are on a gambling binge we can’t think straight. Have a wonderful gamble free day!!!
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Hello P.
It’s Saturday morning here and I saw your latest post and then spent some time reading through some of the previous ones. I can see you have experienced a lot of ’ups and downs’ and tough struggles on your journey. But it is a pleasure to also see the strength and determination you show, your clarity about the effects of gambling on your life, your acceptance in spite of contradictory feelings and the joy you feel when you are successfully focussed on good things in your life.
As you say this time, you have acknowledged your feelings and written something here. I am wondering about what other things have really helped you when you get those urges. As well as your writing here, what else might help now that has helped before?
Also, those more difficult feelings – anger, sadness, fear – are of course very ’normal’; you know that is so, even though they are not such comfortable feelings. They can help you think through to the sources of those feelings and understand your struggles better. You say you about sadness that you are feeling it and living with it. That’s lovely in its own way – every life has its sadness and reasons for that sadness. It’s part of us/part of you – it doesn’t have to rule your life now, but it’s part of who you are and the learning you are doing. I hope that makes some sense. Tears of sadness can move into smiles and tears of joy, too.
I have enjoyed reading your posts and learning about your life.
Best wishes,Monique
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sorry for the feeling of sadness P. I noticed that you started feeling the feelings when you had urges. Perfectly normal I think to grieve for what gambling did to our lives and the consequences we continue to face. Feel the feelings and letting them go… feelings are just that and we can move on to new feelings in a moment. I hope I’m not coming across as trying to over simplify or make small your feelings of sadness. No one should feel sad all the time. Maybe talk to your counsellor about what you feel is an underlying state of sadness. I think sometimes that it’s the most kind and sensitive people who get overwhelmed with feelings. After all there is so much going on in the world around us. I’ve also struggled with feelings and anxiety that was almost paralysing when I think back on it. I’ve developed better coping mechanisms over the years and been able to move forward quite a bit, I don’t get quite so overwhelmed. Stay strong, keep working on you lovely! Hopefully the morning finds your clouds have passed and the sun is beaming! xo
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Sweet Pea I am so glad that you are posting here. It is so true when we write things down here it sometimes helps us discover what is bothering us. I know that I post about things that are bothering me, although I don’t really say what is bothering me, but it seems to help me so much. There is a saying that you are only a failure if you never try. We are all here trying to stay away from gambling. We may get knocked back now and again, but as long as we keep trying we are never a failure. I don’t know if that is coming out exactly how I mean it, but I mean we all have to never ever give up the fight!!! Although some days it is difficult to fight the urges and thoughts we have to keep trying. Have a wonderful day!!!!
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Hi, P
Thank you so much for your support. I am doing ok. My daughter has a new job and has moved an hour away.
Our cottage is on the market. Will always be in recovery…no matter what it may look like. So happy things are going well for you in recovery. You are such a rock on this site…progress…recovery is possible…hope… -
P….just hold on, don’t gamble for anything…..its almost Christmas, its a difficult time, you can get through this. Im sorry I haven’t been here more, you always, always look out for me, my computer is still on the blink (im at work), you aren’t alone my friend, know that im thinking of you. Get to that meeting, don’t give the addiction what it wants, fight hard girl, I know you can do it. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Dear (((P)))! I wasn’t sure where to post to you, but here goes! History is NOT destiny! Calm down by doing some deep breathing exercises, and can think clearly. Have a shower or a bath to relax further. Remind yourself what your relapses have cost you in the past emotionally and financially. Remind yourself that your little family deserves better from you. Start writing lines till you can get to a GA meeting. Maybe write something like ” I deserve better than a life of compulsively gambling, and so does my family. I could lose everything I have.” Let me know how you made out! Carole
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(((P))) Where are you? I hope that you managed to get through your day without gambling. Carole
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(((P))) My experience has been that the thoughts of gambling come mostly before the urges, so I find it important to not focus on the thoughts and try to dismiss them. As soon as I start thinking about how much money I can take out from the bank, I’m as good as sitting in front of a vlt machine. I find that if I get into the urge state, I’m fine as long as I stay home. Way to go for conquering your urges and staying gamble free. Carole
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P, great job of fighting those urges, I hope you find a lovely ’something’ to wear, you deserve it!!! It is exhausting, fighting the urges. I had an interesting experience last night, it was the break up of my water aerobics group, we went to my favourite venue…….I was able to access the smoking area ( I know…..) via our eating area, when, however the night was over, 3 of us went back out for a last puff ( I know!). They locked the door so we couldn’t get back in and I had to walk right through the pokie area. I thought about how many thousands of hours I wasted in that room….for what? I didn’t recognise 1 machine (not that I was checking them all out), it has been 4 and a half years since I gambled there so I suppose that was to be expected. I felt……nothing. I remembered the feelings, how I was when I was down to almost nothing, walking out of there and feeling revolting, dirty, exhausted. Hating myself. Why did I torment myself all those years? Knowing the outcome, knowing that I would never ’win’, escaping my life and missing my childrens…..ugh.
You avoided those feelings, you got through it. I knew you could!!!! Love K xxxx -
I am so proud of you for staying away from those machines. I am so glad that you are posting as we all benefit from it P. I read your post about the feeling of sadness and wanting to cry, and honestly I could have written that post at times, and still do feel that way at times. Also your post about after you have lots of thoughts that is when the urges come and you can end up gambling. It really made me think as I have been having lots of thoughts and it makes me realize that we have to be so careful with our thoughts!!! I find that when I get the thoughts I try to change it to just for today I will not gamble. I find once I get that thought in my head it helps to get my mind a bit clearer!!! So proud of you!!!!
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Hey P,
as you described how you felt at the time of your last relapse, oh my G, that was how I felt after I had relapsed for 9 months, although I don’t know if I was really in a recovery, more of a surgery imposed hiatus. When I went back it was with a vengeance. I felt all those feelings during that. All of them, feeling insane, suicidal, worthless, ugh. And to see Kathryn’s post to you, about time missed with children. I can try and kid myself but I did miss time with my kids. We can say oh I don’t gamble unless they are at a friends or their dads or day care or whatever. But the messed up parent they get to spend time with, the robot with the smile as you describe, robs them too 🙁 So I’m thrilled that you posted your thoughts, from a to z, it helped you, me, and I’m sure a lot more who read it. Post away my lovely ”crazy” friend! xo have a great day, Laura -
Hi P, it is so true we have days that we have ”strong thoughts” and I really think for me that is what turns to urges. I know that it is challenging to get rid of the thoughts when they are strong as they keep coming back to torment us. I remember I always thought of it as an Angel on one shoulder and the Devil on the other shoulder fighting with each other about gambling!!! It was not always easy to hear the guiding Angel, but listen long enough and you will hear her Sweet Pea!!! You are worth so much more than gambling. You are a fighter and you never give up. I think it is harder when we gamble as those thoughts get stronger and stronger then. You keep fighting those thoughts Sweet Pea and you will feel so much stronger. Don’t worry about tomorrow and if you have to break today up into hours, minutes or seconds then do what you got to do to get yourself through it. Pamper yourself instead by having a nice bubble bath, a flavoured coffee, go to a movie, a pedicure something nice just for you!!! Your deserve it.
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Dear (((P)))! To me counting days is not something that is beneficial to me. I prefer to live in the day that is. In the end, that’s all we have is today. I read that you don’t know if you’ll be able to stay gamble free forever. Why worry about that P? All you need to do is stay gamble free today. None of us knows if today will be our last day on earth. Sounds morbid but it’s true. There have been times when I have had thoughts of gambling and I’ve googled compulsive gambling and suicide, at Bettie’s suggestion. This addiction has 5 times the suicide rate of other addictions. It’s a sobering statistic and really sad that those people didn’t find recovery, like we have. We deserve better than a life of compulsively gambling, and so do our loved ones. So many of us feel so undeserving of help and support. Progress not perfection but as Dr Phil says, when we knew better, we did better. So let’s expect better of ourselves because we now know better. Carole
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if you are still here
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Well my dear friend, we’ve been walking this recovery road for four years together. I have been blessed to know you and the support you gave me was invaluable along the way. I hope you and yours have a very Merry Christmas. You are a very sweet person and deserve the best. Take care,
Laura -
Dear (((P)))! I can understand how relentless the urges can be, as I have been fighting them myself. You proved that you’re stronger than the urges because you didn’t gamble. One point for you and zero point for the addiction. This time of year is stressful for so many people due to all kinds of reasons. I don’t like the holidays myself, but somehow we have to get through them as best as we can. There are times in my recovery that I have urges and then I go along fine, feeling like gambling is foreign to me. I’m waiting for the days where I don’t struggle and they will come to both you and I. We just have to get through one day at a time. Neither one of us can go back to gambling. Not only will we feel dreadful and horrible, but we’ll have actually given them our money so we can feel this bad! I hope that you will feel better very soon! Carole
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Miss P,
I hope you have a lovely Christmas with your family. You are doing a wonderful job at keeping that addiction at bay. I know Christmas is a hard time, but really, it is just another gamble free day. Sending love to you my friend from down South, apparently its going to be hot in Victoria tomorrow…..a Christmas Miracle indeed!!!!
Merry Christmas,
Love K xxxxxxx -
than never! Merry Christmas my sweet P!
bettie -
Still Christmas Day in Ireland P!
I want you to know I prayed for you, especially at Mass last night and this morning!
You are probably in slumberland by now… -
Still Christmas Day in Ireland P!
I want you to know I prayed for you, especially at Mass last night and this morning!
You are probably in Slumberland by now… -
Hey P,
hope Christmas day went ok and wasn’t too stressful with family. The holidays are half over now and hopefully that will help with the urges. The kindest people are the toughest in a lot of ways. Its ok not to be kind to people who take us for granted or try and use us. We don’t have to be kind to everyone.
Sending you a great big hug and wishes for an urge free gamble free rest of the year and a very Happy New Year.
Laura -
I am sorry that things are so difficult for you just now – tho’ it is good to know you are still alive and breathing. Perhaps you think it’s not right to write negative things at this time, which is ’supposed’ to be so ’happy’? Or you wish you had something positive to write, but cannot think of anything positive? I think it often helps to write out those negative thoughts and feelings rather than letting them go around and around in your head. Sometimes getting it all on paper brings a bit of clarity here and a bit of insight there and then maybe your words will spark someone else off in a way that will move things on a little in a good way. So, if you think it would be good to have your struggle heard and thought about by others who care, do post it all on here and see what can come out of it. I know there are no easy answers, no magic wands, but don’t bottle it all up on your own.
Wishing you well,Monique
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Sorry to hear that things are going badly for you P.
Christmas is never an easy time and as Monique says, during a time when everyone seems to be enjoying themselves, our sorrows can appear overwhelming.
I will pray for you especially tonight -
P, I hope things are getting better for you. P, I see in you someone who is changing for the better. I know you see it too. Even a glimmer is something to hold on to. Take care of yourself. Will be praying for you.
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Good to hear from you again, P. I think you are doing well in the face of such strong ’attacks’ – not sure if that is the right word, but it sounds like you are being ’bombarded’ by stuff you do not want and it is a tough battle. Do you find some release/relief after you write things out in some detail? If you do, maybe write more?? You said before you did not like to post negative things, but, if it helps, everyone will be pleased to read and share with you. The negative has to be dealt with and no one wants it to take over your life.
You have got a range of support and that is good – use everything within reach that can help you. As you say, it has to be moment by moment, day by day, but I am sure that the more you practise letting go and resisting gambling, the more you will reap rewards. Maybe it is not feeling like that yet, but I believe you will see better times.
I hope you have a useful conversation with your doctor, too.
All good wishes,
Monique -
Dear (((P)))! Sorry that you’re not in a good place emotionally. Going to see your physician is a good strategy as it isn’t ”normal” to feel so bad on a daily basis, even if you do have a gambling addiction. Will you be able to see him/her soon? Sometimes it takes time to find the right medication and dosage. I’m so proud of you for not gambling (((P))). Please don’t gamble in your frame of mind as it could be very dangerous emotionally for you. Keep asking for whatever help you need until you get it. There are better days ahead (((P))). Just do the next right thing for you. Carole
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you have more inner strength than you know, but there are times when we need more than inner strength to get through. You’ve been doing amazing really. You haven’t stopped trying. GA meetings and everything possible to stay away during the holidays, this trigger time for so many. Talk to your doc. Wish I was there to hold your hand and say I am here for you to lean on. But I am in your corner, think of me there always! My brave P! _ Laura
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Hello again P. That sounds good – being honest about the whole story that is ’you’. I hope you find a wise listener in your doctor.
Monique -
Well done on quashing the negative thoughts and allowing the positive aspects of life to surface, P!
All we can do, is our best!
ODAAT! -
That was a great post, P. You make some good points for me to think about. Thanks for posting it. I wish you a Happy New Year, but I like what you said about living each day. So, I am also going to wish you a Happy New Day! I hope it’s a good one, P!
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with you this morning 🙂 As you are beating yourself up for your moods and your feelings it reminded me of this link:
http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htmMy gambling addictions counsellor who specialized in gambling addiction said that gambling addicts go through post acute withdrawal symptoms also. Mood swings and sensitivity are two of those symptoms. You are progressing P and it’s hard to get through this but you are and you will. Keep doing what you are doing: talking to others, meetings, posting, it is working! You are here and not gambling. It will get better. xo Hope you have a great sleep. Off to work I go, take good care of yourself, Laura
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Reading your post and I wanted to write some thing to make you feel supported, bu when i read all your posts, I said to myself that I have to learn from P. You are strong and I congratulate you on keeping safe and gamble free days adding up. I am sure that if I feel frustrated and feel like gambling I will come back here and read your posts again, to help me to get trough the urges for gambling. keep writing for people like me. I appreciate it. Thanks P
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Hi P,
I think you and I are on opposite each other usually as we both seem to be here more during our morning time. We’ll have to set up a chat date so that we know we will be there. I’m so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open as I type this, and it’s morning! Hope I wake up soon for the drive. Not much new here, still busy, hoping things will slow down soon. One day at a time I’m getting through. take care, Laura
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I saw your mention of a ”chat date”, why not add a message to the meeting place forum so you can make sure people know when you’ll be in a group and stop missing you?
Take care
Janey -
Hi Miss P and thanks for your post to me.
Those damn urges! They are awful but in time they will lessen. The further away from the last bet the smaller they get. I still get them and I try to remember to surrender. I tell myself yes at this very moment I would like to gamble but I surrender to the fact that I am helpless once I start, I can’t stop. One bet is not enough to rid me of that urge, 1000 wouldn’t be enough. Gambling crushes my spirit, makes nervous, sick to my stomach, discusted with my self and stopped being fun a long time ago. Funny how the addiction makes it seem fun and harmless when in fact it would just add to the destruction. Try to remember if you fall for the ”urge” the regret is just not worth it!
peace
bettie -
Sweet Pea, sorry that I have not posted for a while to support you, but you know how it is we go through ”funk” stages where we just have to get through the day!!! I am so impressed with you and how great you are doing. Your posts are showing your struggles with those urges, but you are hanging in there. I don’t know if it is a good reason or not, but the fear of not being able to stop once I put the first dollar in a machine kept me away for a while. As Bettie says the longer we can get away from our last bet then the urges get smaller. Enjoy your morning coffee and have a wonderful day!!!!
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Hi p. I hope a lots rays of sunshine are appearing through the dark clouds. Well done for fighting the urges, and thinking things through in such a rational way. Life is full of pressures, but they always seem so much worse after gambling. You are doing great!
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I was here to say hello and wish you a good day. Thank you for coming to my page and write to me. It is as I always mentioned. It helping me to feel supported and valued in here. I feel that in our journey of recovery we are all together like a team. No note books can do for me what you and others are doing for me here. Giving me an opportunity to look inside my own mind and feel that I am not alone in life. You are strong P. You take a good care of yourself. One day at a time.
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Hi P, I’ve just seen a post of yours saying you are missing the groups. Is there a problem getting in? The group times are listed and you enter the groups in the same way that you enter the unmoderated groups, which you say you have managed to do. If there is a technical problem then email the office and Im sure they can sort it out. Hope to see you in a group soon. 🙂
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Sweet Pea I loved your post about the crackers, it really made me laugh, probably because I can relate to it.
I know I have been thinking of so many of the people who posted for a while and I pray that they are all doing well.
Have a wonderful day and don’t eat any more crackers LOL -
Hi P.I am so glad you are feeling much better.I agree that sometimes we have to accept help from others. It can be hard to go to family or friends.I hope the medication really helps. It will be nice to wake up every morning with the sun shining. I have never attended any meetings but I can imagine it is nice going to a safe place regularly where you can be yourself and share and hear other people’s stories. Thinking what you can do is great, because you are looking forward and making plans, and there is such a big world out there, and such a great life to live. well done on all the positive, brave and really good decisions you have made.
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Hiya P
OMG……im not coping with the thought of the heat this week. I am off to the Australian Open Thurs/Fri and thankfully we are going to the evening sessions so hopefully it wont be so hot! I pity those players……all the money in the world couldn’t get me on that court today! There will be heat stroke happening all over the place!!!
Glad to see you have navigated the site and have found the group times. I have yet to join one, although my laptop is still not working. Well, I just got to work so I had better get into it, thank god there is air con here!!! I might just move in for the week, there is a bed in the treatment room I could sleep on!!
Love Ya, K -
I thought I would drop by and say a Good Morning to you as you sip your coffee and read your posts. I am rushing as usual to get to work on time. I have not been able to figure out how to get to the chats, but I may one of these days. You look after yourself and have a wonderful day as you deserve it!!!
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Hi P. hope the sun is shining and you absorbing loads of its happy rays..thinking of you everyday ..
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Dear (((P)))! I am having my morning coffee and of course that makes me think of you. I have not been sleeping well so that affects my daily life in so many ways like motivation. Yesterday it was above zero, so it would have been a perfect day to go for a walk and some air, but of course I didn’t go. I can manage my eating but am so lazy when it comes to things like walking. We had big winds last night and I have one cat who is timid and skittish. Every time the wind would hit the open window in my bedroom, the cat would jump. That didn’t help me sleep as it woke me up. They sleep pretty much the whole day and are chasing each other when I go to bed. I love their company and their cuteness. They tell me when I should get up in the morning. Both of them hover around my face and the one cat at times pokes me to get up, or makes repetitive noises so that I wake up. Pets are such a blessing, and two of them is twice the fun!! Carole
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Hey Miss P!
I took a walk in the state park today with my brother. Just above freezing but I would not trade that for the weather you are having!
Hope you are going well. Snuggle the kitties for me!
bettie -
Hi P. I came back again today to your page to see if you have written any thing today. If I may say ” I miss you ” and hope that every thing is good with you. I hope that if you are not here, you are some where that makes you happy. It is a good feeling, that even I do not know people in here I feel very interested and connected with them. One like yourself, when is not writing, is missed by me.
Energy and hope that your words carry and pass to me and others, help us to carry on in our recovery.
All the best P. -
Hi P,
stopping by, hoping to see you posting away. I miss your posts when they are not there. I have ”known” you for forever it seems. You would be dying at the cold we have here right now. -25 C with the windchill! We’d have to wrap you up in a extra thick parka 🙂 I hope you and your little family are doing ok. ((((( P )))). Thinking of you.Laura
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Sweet Pea, you deserve all the posts from everyone as you are such a special person. I have not been posting for a while and then I get this nice post from you that it gets me back posting. I was getting concerned about you, but glad you are doing okay. I know that sometimes I just come and read the posts to see how everyone is doing, but I don’t have the energy/enthusiasm to post. I know you understand what I mean, but here I am back again thanks to you!!!
Enjoy your morning coffee and sunshine and heat. It is freezing here!!! -
See you in ten mins P.
Dont forget Its Friday for you but Thursday for me! lol! -
Hi P, hope you are getting over the writers block.it would be nice to hear what you are up to and how life is going for you. I have been having the brain trouble myself. Cant seem to remember for one minute to the next. In fact i just decided to get some fish oil to see if it helps. Look forward to reading your next post
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Hi P. it’s so good to hear you sounding so positive. You are strong as you show in your willingness to reach out and get the help you need. It is something I always struggled to do. You are fighting this addiction and as you say only you can win the battle but there is lots of help available and lots of people on here supporting you and on your side. I love coffee, and isn’t it strange i always think your morning coffee is nicer than mine. That is taking the grass is greener over there a bit far. I imagine you sitting somewhere sunny, in a minimalist house, with a blue and pink flower patterned mug, enjoying your freshly percolated coffee. While I grab a cup of instant , while waiting on my turn to for the bathroom, and reprimand myself for the messy room, the cluttered floor, and then panic about being late because I took the time to gulp down a coffee.. I suppose we always imagine others have it more together.. Anyway i am glad today you are feeling really happy and positive and still enjoying that morning coffee!
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hi P. sorry you are feeling thrown off balance today. I cannot offer advice except to say you are doing the right thing in reaching out. Is there anyone nearby who you could talk to? Without taking into consideration the stuff that life throws at everyone, remember that we are recovering from an addiction. Our very brain chemistry is changing . That must impact on our mood, thoughts and general feelings. Try to take one minute at a time and remember you will feel better. The confusion will pass and the sun will shine through. Do the things you do to make you feel better. Can you ring your doctor for advice.? Try to reach out. Hope this helps.
U -
I hope being in group was a good start to your day. I wish you peace and strength for the rest of the day and in the future.
Monique
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Hi P,
I hav not been able to get to the room on time, and ther for have not seen you for a while. I hope you are feeling better today. Iread your post here an hour ago, and while I was doing some work in my flat, I was still thinking what can I write to make you a littel happier or make you smile.
I was thinking to tell you when you have time and feel like going out, go and buy yourself some flowers, I like roses and jasmin, and place them in a vase infron of you and look at them, feel the freshness and inhale the fragrant, close your eyes and keep the image of that flower in your mind for a second.
Then see how you feel.
There is a poem from an iranian poet Omar Khayyám (1048 – 1131) I thought you may like it.O friend, for the morrow let us not worry
This moment we have now, let us not hurry
When our time comes, we shall not tarry
With seven thousand-year-olds, our burden carry.
All the best P.
Sam. -
Hi P. I am so glad to hear you are feeling more upbeat. I want to scrape those clouds away for you so you can always feel the sunshine on your face. You inspire me with your positive posts and how you always look forward regardless of what kind of day you are having. And of course well done on not gambling!!
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Hi P, sorry to read you are not feeling great. It is good that you are writing about how you feel. I’m not sure it would help but there is an Australian site i signed up for one time called mood gym and it helped me to understand my feelings about different things. You are important P. yours is one of the first posts i always look for on here. Hope this makes you feel a little more supported.
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wish I was there to give you a great big hug and have a venting coffee together 🙂 My moods are all over the place right now and I’m trying to decide how much of it is because of how I’m being treated or affected by outside things and how much of it is because of that running commentary that always seems to be going on in my head. Where I am constantly seeing myself from other’s perspectives. But i really can’t know what they are thinking. I’m guessing. So truly it’s none of my business. Sorry, hijacking your thread!
I’m sorry I haven’t been around so much. I have just had about two of the hardest months in a row in my life. But now I’m taking a bit of time for me. I tried to send you messages on skype several times now and they just don’t go through. Not sure why. Hang in there. Good news is in a few hours your mood may change again?? 🙂 Just kidding! Hope you are sleeping like a baby. Take care of yourself.
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Hi P, I am sending you hugs)))) I am sorry that you have no support from your family. I have felt that way also and it hurts. Just recently I have been able to build a relationship with my Daughter and my Mother. I know you must feel lonely and sad about the situation but you have a lot friends and support here at GT. I know it is different since you can’t see us but just remember us when you are down, we are here for you. You and others here were in my corner when I my Husband died and honestly it was my friends who helped me through the hard times not my family. P, family doesn’t have to be blood. I feel closer to my friends than most of my family members. Take care and stay strong.
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I just wanted to say I don’t think you are being ’weird’. In fact, you have interpreted what may be going on in your last post. Also, many people need time alone – I think most of us human beings need separateness and togetherness with others in some sort of balance, but it is definitely not the same balance for each! Try not to think of yourself as strange – just see what you can learn from what is going on and how you can use it in your recovery. Getting to know the ’real you’ might be part of that.
Best wishes,Monique
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Hi P thanks for your post sorry to hear your feeling a bit down and I hope your mood picks up very soon. Take care
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Hi P, you know whatever you feel is fine. Some times i feel really sociable and I want to meet people, other times I pretend I don’t see my phone ringing! Not that it rings that much anymore. I hope the new meds help. It’s hard to feel upbeat when you are concentrating on staying awake. You are doing so well in your recovery, and I really love reading your posts !! Rem you are so worth it,,
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That was a good news. I am glad you are happy with the result of your medication. Now it might help you sleep as well.
You take care P.
see you soon. -
Hi P. It sounds like you are doing what is right for you for now. ’Doormat to strength’ – yes, that is really good.
Monique
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come join us in chat if you are free!!!
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Hi P, It’s good to hear that you are feeling positive and hopeful. Journaling is great!! It helped me a lot when my Husband was ill and after his death. P, one day at a time. Take care.
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I love that post P, I’ve been googling how to help myself and journaling has been mentioned a few times. Good for you girl, I applaud your hard work , love K xxxx
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good morning P, so glad to be able to say that life should start to slow down for me a little bit. More ME time. I read through your last couple weeks of posts. So many things you said are insightful, helpful, inspirational.
” I am learning to say what i mean and mean what i say. ” Boy I can use some help with that one!!! Off to do some more reading. I just got off the phone with Bettie. One of these days she and I will get back to doing our step work but in the mean time I get a little boost and some recovery talk every week with her. Keep taking care of yourself! Miss our chats, seems like forever. ODAAT! Laura -
P, I have enjoyed reading your posts so much, especially lately. I remember the closed threads, but you always came back. You never gave up hope (I remember the Hope threads fondly) I love how you are openly sharing your journey and helping others to not give up on themselves.
I do have to disagree with something you said on Lindamarie’s thread though. You said that you were not a great example. I think you are absolutely a great example! Everybody’s recovery journey is unique and let’s face it, complicated. There are no easy solutions. We all must keep plugging along. One baby step at a time. I look at your progress and feel pride for you and hope for me and for many others. Keep up the good fight because you are so worth it!
Just found this quote in my journal. ”No matter what you do, there will always be something you are working on. Life isn’t about perfection. Life is about living.” ~ Kate Northrup -
Hope your migraine is better by now P!
Drink lots of water!
I looked into the Unmod chat just now to see if you Sad or Sam would turn up. No one did. Had a long chat with another Gt member earlier which kept me in touch with the reality of gambling, in case I might begin to get fanciful.
Bottom line, P.
Gambling sucks ! -
There is a big difference between the side effects of chocolate and gambling hangover, P!
Sorry to hear you are having challenges in your life right now but as you know gambling will only make everything much worse!
When we gamble we cannot think straight , therefore it can lead to making wrong decisions.
Keeping a clear head helps.
ODAAT! -
Thank you (((P))) for all the encouraging posts you have written to me in the past 3 years. I appreciate all your support! My mother’s cat is a beautiful calico, but a hissing queen! I’m pretty sure that in time she’ll adjust to the other cats, and this won’t be an issue anymore. I haven’t seen her eat yet but I’m sure when she gets hungry enough she will. Danny is allergic to cats! LOL! Carole
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Hi P. I hope you are feeling good today. I just came to say hello and wish you all the best.
It feels good to be around you.
You take care,
All the best P. -
Good to see you in the group P. Even for a short visit!
Regarding the ”cat talk ” on Carole’s thread..As you know I’m terrified of cats. We had so many over the years. I didn’t know male from female, mother from son/daughter or how well or badly they got along together. My only concern was to feed them and keep them from attacking me when I got out of the car. They always sensed my fear. I know that for sure! I still have nightmares about cats.
Oh! By the way…I LOVE KITTENS! -
Hiya P
‘Knowing’ you have a heap of stress coming is to be forewarned so raise the barriers and paint ODAAT all over them along with your own words – ‘I know whats important to me and that is recovery’.
I know you can do it
Velvet -
Hi Miss P. Just wanted to stop by and say hello.
You never seem to forget me and I do apreceate that you check on me from time to time.
I haven’t felt like posting much. It’s like ”if you have nothing good to say then say nothing.” I am gamble free and that is good. Life is just full of ups and downs. I am struggling a bit getting used to the insulin pump. Once I think I have it down I start running high then low and wonder if I will ever get it right. I just keep reminding myself of the saying ”to whom much is given much is expected”. It is hard to remember the good days when we have bad ones but I think that is the key to success in life period. Sometimes it is not that bad things seem to always be directed at us personaly-it’s just life happening -and we have to ride out the storm before we get to see the sun shine again.
love you P!
bettie -
You really are such a wonderful and caring person. I know that I have not posted for a while as I have been going through a ”blue spell”. I know you understand what I mean.
I want to thank you for posting to me even when I was not posting as I read them, but could not seem to find the energy to sit and post. I have not been gambling which is awesome, but have not been feeling positive or grateful. I am working on getting back on track and looking at all that I have to be grateful for.
Thanks for being you Sweet Pea!!! Enjoy your ”gamble free day” -
I must have missed you in the chat by about 5 minutes last night P (yesterday morning for you). I checked in twice looking for you then saw this morning that you had been there. I do hope some body turned up to chat with you ?
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Hi P. thank you for posting on my thread. Sorry i have not been posting much. I don’t really know why. I still come on here and check everyone’s thread but it just seems to much of an effort to write sometimes…like I have to work really hard to find the words. Other to times they just seem to flow. Must be writers block. Lol.
Since I started communicating with you on this site i cannot take my morning coffee without thinking about you. It is amazing that in such a simple act i think about someone far away. Being christian I think God wanted us to meet to encourage and uplift each other. Thank you for your friendship P and keep strong in your recovery. -
Hi P
You are doing the right thing concentrating on controlling your addiction – you cannot save any other members of your family, only yourself.
It is difficult to keep up with all the members active at the moment on the site but I do pop across a lot and read a lot – it gives me such a boost to see CGs winning their battle. It was great to see you in F&F, even if it is only fleetingly. We are one community with the same goal.
Don’t let your confidence in your ability to stay gamble-free slip – crush that voice of addiction, poke it into a dark dungeon and lock the door – you are doing so well.
It is hard to share a coffee break with you as our time differences are great but I am having my coffee now and thinking about you. I know it is cyber space but I hope you can see the light I am holding up to help you find your way safely home. You can do it – you have shown yourself you can do it. I believe in you.
ODAAT time P – if I didn’t know you can do it, I wouldn’t be here.
Velvet -
hi ((( P ))) We are at opposite sides of the world and you are always in bed when I’m having morning coffee and I’m usually in bed early so I cannot have coffee with you 🙁
I too have had some very stressful days but things are starting to settle. Ive been a little down in the dumps. Still pretty tired and having a hard time building my energy back up. I’m my own worst enemy sometimes and I know. I’m getting my eating back on track. I sometimes shift into eating nothing all day and then crap for the most part all evening and into the night. Not a wonder I have energy problems! Keep up the great work P! Day by day, the day is better than it would be with gambling in it. So no matter how rough a day we are having it would and could be worse! Hope you had a great sleep and your day starts off with vim and vigour!! take care, Laura
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Hi P. I am glad to hear your progress all the time I see you or read your posts.
Writing is rethinking. Going over what we actually thought. Visualising our thought.
I am glad you are still writing. Myself have not been in a mood of writing much, going trough a faze of internal activity. Thinking about how far I came and seeing the progress in my recovery.
I hope every day is a better day for you.
All the best. -
It sounds like things are going wonderfully well for you. Thank you for always being there even though I am a serial slipper. I gambled again tonight. Online. It’s a Friday night thing for me. To tell you the truth, I don’t know how I’ve being doing it. My life is in a shambles at the moment. There is literally NO money, but I still manage to whine/threaten/manipulate/cajole/scream it out of my husband. We had a conversation tonight where I said I’m really, really tired and I’m ready to try this recovery thing again. So, here I am. I tried to go onto chat, but there was no-one around. I’ll try again tomorrow. It’s 12:35 a.m. and I’m not feeling great. My plan is to pour out all my sorrows on my thread and start anew. Wow … I’m exhausted from just typing this. Apologies for spewing all over your thread. I really am so very proud of you for your enormous effort and success and once again, you give me hope. Thanks, P. Love, RG
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Dear (((P)))! I read everything you post on your thread and other people’s threads, and I find that you are changing a lot, especially in the past few months. I think the biggest change for a female cg is when women start standing up for themselves and starts putting in boundaries with people that are toxic to them. I found some people didn’t like that I no longer felt responsible for their problems, and did nothing to help them out emotionally or financially. I saw this saying on facebook about stop swimming oceans for people that wouldn’t jump puddles for me. I HAD a lot of people in my life that wouldn’t jump puddles for me. With your mother boundaries are essential! Mother/daughter relationships seem to be the most complicated!!! Carole
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Hi P! I want to thank you for all of the supportive posts on my thread. You don’t know how many times you posted when I was feeling so down and just seeing your positive post would make me feel better. I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. After my Husband died and a lot of my family members weren’t there for me, I started standing up for myself. I let these people control me and use me like a puppet for their own gain. I can say no more easily now and I am learning to put up boundaries people. I have removed very toxic person from my life. It isn’t easy but I think it is very healthy. I am such a big people pleaser which goes back to my childhood. I think that it is great that you put yourself and your happiness before anyone else’s. Change is good! Keep doing what you are doing. You are awesome P!!!
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Hi P, keep doing what you are doing. When we stop working on ourselves then we have a problem. I feel like I am changing everyday and it is freeing. Change is usually good. Our blood families might not be what we want them to be but we have the control to choose not to be around toxic people and to realize that some family members are never going to be what we want them to be. I feel closer to you and others on GT then I do to certain family members. You said in your post to me that we will never meet. Never say never. We might one of these days, you never know. Do things for yourself also!! When I work-out that is something I do especially for myself. I am glad that you are reaching out to others when you feel that you need help. I am a very stubborn person and that takes a lot to be able to release that and ask for help. You are growing and changing. I am proud of you!!! Take care.
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Hi P, I misread your post to me. You didn’t say that we would never meet. Anyways, I hope one of these days we have the opportunity to meet. That would be awesome!!!
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You learned the hard way P, that alcohol and medication don’t mix!! Some people seem to get away with it but I never did! I ”suffer” if I drink alcohol. Enough to turn me off it for ever. I wonder if there is any such aversion therapy for gambling?
Your mam is lucky to have you. P….I hope the weather has cooled down in your state ! -
Great to hear your in a good place P and long may it continue odaat. Thanks for all your support
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Hi P. Nice to see that you are doing well. You worked hard and deserve all the good time and things that is coming to your life now.
I am sure one day Ill be there too.Take care P, and all the best.
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I’m sorry that you are not able to sleep. I was going to post so that you could read it when you woke up. I don’t like when I have those nights of not being able to sleep.
I want to thank you for all your wonderful and supportive posts to me when I have not been posting. You really are this ”shining star” watching over us all. You face challenges and ups and downs and yet you think of others when you are doing it. You are a special person and never forget that.
Have an awesome gamble free day Sweet Pea as you deserve it!!! -
Missed you in Charles’ group, P!
I hope you were SLEEPING!!!!
February is already over in your part of the world.
Another G free month to add to your collection!WELL DONE!
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Dear P,
how did you fall down? Are you being too hard on your self? I hope you have a restful night and that things look brighter in the morning. (((((((((((( P ))))))))))))))))))Laura
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Hi P, I hope you are feeling better today. Did something happen to trigger these feelings?? Take care P! I am thinking of you.
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Life is not a garden of roses for anybody , P. Don’t be fooled by external appearances or by other peoples’ behaviour, Many hide behind masks. Maybe you are comparing yourself to other people or maybe you have denied your own feelings for too long….anyway its good that you can now ”feel” those feelings!
I’m becoming a bit of a recluse myself!
The casino is the only place I feel comfortable! -
Hi Sad. Just wanted to say hello and wish you all the strength to go trough what ever comes and feels hard in your recovery.
All I know is that you are stronger than you think. You have done it and you will do it again, this feelings comes and go as you know it.
We all have these episode of low mood some times.
I hope by tomorrow every thing feels better.
Take care P. -
morning P,
having a coffee while I decide if I’m going in to work or not. I don’t want to miss as I’ve been out a lot lately but I’m finding myself in a lot of pain these days. I was like this all last week but managed to convince myself that work is where I needed to be and managed to put in my days by focusing on a half hour at a time. Much like recovery can be I was just taking it in small chunks of time.
I have had to take medication for depression since I was in my early twenties. I didn’t want to have to keep taking medication for life. The psychiatrist who was seeing me at the time said to me…”if you had high blood pressure and you needed to take a pill every day to control it you would. This is the same, you have an illness and there is medication to help control it” So simple yet we are so against medications that may help us. Well miss sweet pea, I’m off to finish getting ready for work. One day at a time, one hour at a time. I’ll get there and you will too. Sweet dreams!Laura
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I am sorry that you are having such a rough time right now, but I thank you so much for sharing how you are feeling. I understand what you mean as I have suffered with depression for years and I have been off and on medication. I think most of us don’t really like to take the medication for depression, but it sure makes a difference. I am the worlds worst as I take it then start to feel better then stop taking it.
I understand the feeling of being reclusive as well. I was off on vacation last week and I am back to work today, but I really don’t feel like going. I would love to just stay home and be reclusive, which is not my normal self. Also, it is true what Laura said that if you look at everyone they all seem okay, but are they really. I always say that I have my face on to show the world – it’s like the happy face you put on – and inside you are sad. I know that it is something I have to work at. I also know once I get to work it will help get me out of this mood.
Keep taking it one step in front of the other as you are doing awesome!!! I am so proud of you Sweet Pea. -
I went looking for lees group but couldn’t find it. Oh well, take care.
bettie -
Hi P! I value your honesty and talking about your depression not only helps you but others here as well. I have had short bouts of depression and that was hard. I have never been on meds but I have gone to counseling many times to work through the problems causing my depression. A lot of people are afraid of what other’s will think but depression is a very common issue. P, my Mother suffers from deep depression but will not talk to anyone about it or god forbid take medication to help her. She has become a bitter, mean person. She always told me that seeing someone such as a counselor was a sign of weakness. We know better as I think it takes a strong person, like yourself to seek help. My Mother has no friendships either. She lives a sad life. My Grandson is still getting counseling for the death of his Papa and the breakup of his Mom’s and Dad’s marriage. I feel it is healthy. I believe that most of us have lived behind a mask at one time in our lives. I have when I gambled and when I had marriage troubles. I feel like now I am living a real life!! I am not a overly social person but lately I have been putting myself out there more and I am trying to make new friends and join new activities. I am sorry that you are getting sick. My Grandson has been sick and I woke this morning not feeling well. I have taken some medicine and I am planning on resting the rest of the day. So, take care of yourself. I am happy that you got through the urges. One day at a time, P!!!
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Hi P, I thought I would post to wish you a happy day today as you sip your coffee and catch up on your posts. I hope that those darn urges stay away. It is unbelievable how they come out of nowhere and we have to fight them. You are doing fantastic and I am so proud of you. You really inspire me the way you come and post to so many people. You can do this. Next time you get the urges get that tune into your head… we are never ever getting back together as then it will help rewire your thoughts… Have a wonderful gamble free day!!!!
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Hi P, Just wanted to thank you for your posts. Your name…Journey of Change…reminds me that it is a process and that it is indeed a journey of change. I don’t think I fit the description of how many think recovery should look like. But you remind me that it is a journey of change, and that is what I will continue to strive for…changing my life for the better one step at a time! I can see that you are doing just that and it gives me hope.
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I hope that the urges have subsided a bit again P. It is so challenging as we fight this addiction as we may not have urges for a while, then wham bam we have urges like crazy!!! You are doing amazing though so keep doing what you are doing. It always goes back to just for today – or this hour – or 5 minutes or 30 seconds whatever it takes.
We are still having snow here and I am calling it the ”never ending winter”. It is the worst winter we have ever had since we moved to Canada. If this had been our first winter I don’t think we would have stayed LOL My car in stuck in the drive in snow. My son is on his way to help me get out. I cant change the situation so I just have to accept that it is what it is. Now that is recovery speaking to me. I pray that you have a ”urge free” day Sweet Pea!!!! -
Congratulations on your gambling free time P. One day at a time can achieve great things.
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Just came to say hello and say that I was thinking about you. How is your cat?
Still running after the fish on the computer screen?
I am also fine and enjoying the good weather these days. Hopefully see you soon in one of the support groups. You take care P.
All the best. -
Hope you are doing ok, P.
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Hi Sweet Pea, you have not posted for a while so getting concerned about you. It is okay to not post as I go through those stages as well, but just do a quick one to let us know that you are doing okay. It’s the Mummy Bear coming out in me LOL
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Hi P. I hope you are ok. I havent gone to my post yet, came straight to see how you doing. Now I see that icandothis, and cat written here and have not seen you around, I also got worried. where is my friend? we all know that some time times we need to be alone and take thing slowly. But remember we are with you always.
I miss hearing from you that you are going to refill the coffee and when you talk about the birds singing and your cat.
You see P, I am also trying to get back to my life and thought I am getting more confident not being here every day, 3-4 times in the support group. But honestly, I miss all of you and being with you in the support group with, monique, charles, and harry…I think we are some how connected now and we can not let go without feeling uneasy.
Sorry I wrote too much. Just felt like talking to you as I feel comfortable with you.
You take care and be in touch. All the best
((((((((( P)))))))))) -
Hi P! I am glad that you have gotten through the urges and haven’t gambled. Hopefully you can get a good nights sleep soon. It is good that you are making changes. Your post is positive!!! Take care P!
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Dear P. It sounds like you are having a tough time with urges. But I hope you can take courage – from whatever source it can reach you – and, knowing what you have and can achieved, you will be able to stay on the right path of life.
Simplicity is a good theme at difficult times. In reality, life can be simple and we can manage things better when we recognize that and let go of some of the pressures and complications. Life may still be challenging, but if we consciously strip it down to the useful and essential things, we can gain some peace and energy.
As ever, I reach out to you with all good wishes,Monique
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I am glad that the urges are subsiding a bit. I know that feeling of worrying as that is something that I struggle with. I now ”try” to live and focus on today, and plan for the future. I bought this little cross that sits on my desk at work and it says ”Let Go Let God” and you could try that when you worry. It can be Let Go Let Higher Power… It is accepting that we have no control over things, it is letting go of that control. We are ”powerless over gambling”, and now that I have accepted that it has helped me. You are doing great and you are such a ”fighter” and I know that you are going to have a gamble free life. I know over the years we have seen many people come and go as they relapse, but you keep fighting and don’t give up. Your strength will get you there. Have Faith in yourself Sweet Pea!!!!
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This is the first forum I clicked on. ”I am a compulsive gambler.” I started gambling approx 3 years ago, it didnt take long for me to realize it was becoming a habit. I have a full time job, but I am always broke because by the time I pay my bills, the rest goes to the slots (internet cafe’). I have tried on several occasions to stop, I ordered the books, went to a counselor once, because there are no GA Support groups here I stopped in on an AA Meeting and most of all I pray all the time for God to remove the urge to gamble completed. Even though He have not removed it yet, I am keeping hope that one day He will, so until then I will continue to try and keep hope that this dakr cloud will one day get from over me. I am so tired out this, but I just cant seem to stop. I just want to stop. Please pray with me that God will hear my cry for help soon, I am so tired of this….. Thank you for listening,
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Please excuse all the typos, half way through my comment the tears started flowing….
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Dear (((P)))! Congratulations on every single gamble free day you have ever had. You fight really hard for your recovery, so that says something about you. You are a strong woman as you have managed not to gamble in spite of going through those times where all you can think about is gambling. That takes strength and courage, and self-discipline. I have been in an emotional funk lately relating to my ”relationship” with Danny. It’s not possible to be self-determinating when a person is financially dependent on a separated spouse. The weather is warming up and we should soon see spring weather here. I am the same way you are in terms of not wanting to socialize much at all. but I’ve always been like that, so I don’t worry about it. I stay in my suite for days on end until I have a real need to go out such as needing groceries. Hope you’re having a good day today! Carole
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Hi P. I hope you feel good today. I was thinking about you and imagining you sitting with your coffee near the window, the cat is trying to attract your attention and your eye contact, birds are singing and you are watching the people in the park, from your windows…Life is going on and You are not gambling today, the air is full of hope, you breath in, close your eyes and here you see the future, yourself in the ideal world, confident, happy, stronger than ever. You say to yourself, I am a lucky person to have a healthy life, my flat, food on the table, my cat, so many friends in the forum, and my cup of coffee now. Why shall I risk them? I am here today, and sure that I am not gambling today, there for I should be happy and enjoy my time.
We all here are with you P.
I wish you a better day every day. One day at a time. -
Hi P. I am glad to hear that you are still positive and that you have made a strong cage for the addiction. We all know that is the only way. It does not go away, but we can just control it by not giving in his games.
One day at a time P.
All the best. -
P, you are so sweet. I am ok, but I am just really embarrassed and ashamed. I know what I need to work on. I don’t think I will be posting for awhile. Take care, p. Thank you for all your support.
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I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you this morning. I hope that your urges have subsided again. I have had my first cup of coffee so I am feeling somewhat awake. I need to go and get ready for work. It takes a little while to paint on my ”happy face” before I leave for work LOL I am working on the positive in my head and counting my blessings. I hope you enjoy a day free of urges and gambling (((P)))
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It’s so nice to hear that you are happy not gambling and have managed to beat those urges. So proud of you Sweet Pea!!! You are an inspiration to never give up fighting for a gamble free life. I wish our dear friend ”pumpkin” was here as well. I think of her often and pray that she will find her way to recovery.
Enjoy your coffee and give yourself a pat on the back for how far you have come (((P))) Have an awesome gamble free day!!!! -
P, I am happy to hear that you are fighting the urges. I know it is annoying but much better than gambling!!!! I am very proud of you. Keep fighting!! You have come a long way!!! Take care.
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(((P))) get this tune in your head when the thoughts and urges are there. It will get you focusing on it rather than gambling. I know that when I had really bad urges it helped me to have something else to focus on. Also, when I was feeling those urges I would make sure that I did not have access to cash if I went out. I would buy myself a Visa Gift Card that I could use to buy things, but you could not get cash from it. I would not take my debit card or credit card with me. No money = no gambling !!! Keep fighting those urges (((P))). Remember that feeling you get if you do go on a gambling binge, how hard it is to get back on the recovery train. The urges will be worse if you gamble and how bad you feel about yourself after you gamble… the self loathing, hating ourselves. That will not change P, it will be the same old story… I know I can’t put one dollar in a machine as I can’t stop once I start. I am powerless over it. As we get some gamble free time behind us our memories are not quite as good at remembering how we felt after we gambled. You can do it (((P)))
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Hi P, missed our coffee! See you later in the week I hope.
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Hi P, I know it is a struggle and battle for you right now!! It is worth the fight and you deserve to live a gamble free life. It really does get easier and the urges lessen with time. Just keep visualizing how you want your life to be and how gambling doesn’t fit into the picture! Life is so much better not riding the crazy gambling train. I am here to support you. Post to me anytime!!
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Hi P. Thank you for chatting with me the other night. I have closed all my accounts again. Thank you so much for your help
. I feel free again and it feels good. -
hi P, hope you are around reading and just a little quiet. Sending love and support from the other side of the world. Morning here now, having a coffee and trying to get the courage to face the day. I hope you are doing ok.
Laura -
Just seen your dialogue in chat p, I’m there now if you’re still around.
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Sending you love and support, as you have done many, many times. Take care of yourself!
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P,
I haven’t seen you since we met briefly in Charles’ group over a week ago. I can’t remember exactly when.
I have been thinking of you P.
Hoping and praying everything is ok with you?
I’ve had a rough ride recently but back on the even path again.
For today!
Give us an update when you are ready. -
Hello gorgeous girl,
You never forget me, my home laptop is still not working, to be honest I don’t have the money to have it repaired right now…ugh. I am at work at the moment so I don’t have long, I am still ok, haven’t gambled, finding my happiness through reading some amazing books and trying to re program my brain to be grateful for everything, good and bad. Not easy, especially for me, but I am getting there. I hope you are ok, im not sure when I will have the chance to pop on again, I think of you often. Take care, stay strong and believe…..
Love K xxxxxxxxxxxx -
Dear (((P)))! Hope you’re doing well! I miss seeing your posts! Danny is building a cat outdoor enclosure for my three kitties! That way they’ll be able to enjoy the summer weather safely! I am moving back to the country with Danny. I’m going to try it again with him. Carole
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Sweet Pea I have been thinking of you so much and yet I have not posted to let you know this. I always worry about you when you are not posting. I am praying that you are just taking a break from posting. I know that sometimes we just get times when we are in a space we get down emotionally and it is difficult to post. Please put a quick post to let us and know that you are doing okay. One day at a time!!!
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Good morning P, having a coffee, trying to catch up a bit. I worry too when I don’t see your posting. ((( P ))) I hope that you are doing ok, you and your loved ones. Thinking of you. Laura
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Hi P, just dropped in to say hello. Have checked into chat lots to see if you are about. Take care xxx.
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Happy Easter P!
Thinking of you especially this weekend! -
Hi P. Just checked chat on off chance you were about!
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Miss you, P. Come back to us when you are ready!
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Thinking of you all the time, P!
Hoping ’n praying you’ll be back soon! -
Hi P,
I think you have been struggling to come to a group since the seasonal ”clock changes” in both our countries.
I’m not sure what the time difference between us is now but I thought I’d let you know that my group times are now an hour later on a Thursday. I have just started the last of three one hour groups. If this new group time makes it easier for you then i hope to see you soon. Stay strong and use all the support you have, you CAN do this. One day at a time.
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Hi P . I am so please to see you have posted. How are things? How have you been doing?Going to have a coffee to celebrate!!! Me it’s been a bit if a roller coaster but I am getting there.
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P It won’t let me reply on your new post
I understand how you feel and I’m sure it is little consolation to you but you are a day ahead of me!!! You are back here. You are on day 1′. It happened.its devastating but I for one am immensely relieved to see you on here. You have hit rock bottom and now it is your time to rise like a Phoenix from the ashes. The only way is up P. The only way is up!! I started back on my course at setting captives free tonight. I can’t do it on my own.. Time will heal P and get you back on your feet.maybe we will meet on chat soon.
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