I want so badly to be able to write postive today but I’m just not doing well. I managed to move some more stuff in my cottage so there was something positive I did but I just wanted to sleep. I feel really low and sad. I’m struggling alot with the times that I don’t have plans with my friends. I’m someone that really struggles to be alone hence the reason I had a partner since I was a young teenager. Because my family doesn’t live where I do either I’m alone alot. I generally fill my time with seeing gfs on the weekends but nobody was free today. I have plans tomorrow which will probably cheer me up but I just feel like a loser when I’m alone. I almost signed up for dating apps to try and fill a missing void in myself but realized that’s not what I want nor do I want to meet someone like that so I quickly switched that mindset. It doesn’t help that my neighbors are having a massive wedding on the beach beside me right now so I feel even more alone and worthless. I don’t no how to get out of this mentality. I no for a fact when I started gambling it was do to the lonliness I felt in my relationship and loss of who my ex was. I don’t want to go back to numbing myself out of my lonliness with something.I’m trying really hard to fight through the feelings. I guess I just have to accept that I’m going to have these depressed days sometimes. I have to stop trying to think that everything has to be sunshine and rainbows because it just isn’t realistic.
