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    • #52406

      This is my first post. And it’s kind of a big one. I have a secret. Like a deep, dark, disgusting,
      make you cringe and shake your head in disbelief secret. I have a gambling problem.

      Ok. So I’m on a gambling therapy site, not a big surprise then that I would say I have a gambling problem. I think most of us
      here do. That’s not the secret. My secret is that most of the money I have used to gamble with has been an inheritance that
      was left to me, and I am supposed to share with my siblings. Unfortunately, there is not too much left. I gambled it all.

      No one else knows this secret except for you, so I hope I can trust you with it.

      Let me give you a bit of background on the story… I am the oldest of 4 children, 1 of whom is handicapped. My father passed away
      11 years ago from cancer. It was hard to watch but I was in my 20’s, not at home and although it was very difficult, I seemed to make it
      out ok. Fast forward to a few years when I find out my mom now has cancer. This time, I am very involved. My mom is my best friend.
      I am driving to and from appointments, making arrangements for what is next. Having her sign a will the NIGHT before she passes away.
      I am left as estate trustee to deal with this mess. Of course things don’t run super smooth and I am only 35 and I don’t know what I’m doing
      and all this is a lot. Luckily, things do start to work in my favour and I get $30,000 life insurance policy. This is where it starts.

      I know this is my money but I don’t feel I can go out and spend it on anything fancy as my sisters didn’t get any money, so I think well what can I do.
      I can gamble. This is how it starts. I slowly work my way through this $30,000. Gambling is fun. It is a distraction. I don’t have to think about the unsettled business of the estate or burying my parents, etc. Then the house sells. Now I have $150,000. Perfect I think. I can use some of that money to “win”
      back the other money I have lost. I think you know where my story is heading..

      I’m trying to be brief and somewhat concise because the story is a long complicated one, but anyways.. It’s been 2 years Mom died. I have only $65,000
      left in the account (which I know seems like so much) but the estate is not settled yet, there is possibly some still owing taxes I will need to pay (mom said she owed $30,000 in debt) and I am worried if I don’t get some help soon there will be nothing left to pay the debts and nothing left to give my siblings.

      That is what I feel the worst about. Nobody knows how much money there was but unfortunately, I’ve gambled so much that there is not going to be
      as much as there should be for everyone. I don’t know how I will explain it if there is nothing left.

      Ugh. I’m a smart person. I know I shouldn’t gamble. I’ve tried to stop before but get bored easily, lie to myself easily and tend to wind up
      back at the casino before you know it wagering up to $20/spin.

      Do you think it’s possible to fix this, fix myself, without telling anyone? My spouse knows I have a bit of a problem, but not to the full extent.
      He also doesn’t ask, so..

      September is a new month. I’m at the point where I have “just” enough to possibly get out of this mess. I am READY FOR A CHANGE.

      Today is day one.

      Thank you for reading.

    • #52407

      Well, it depends how honest you want to be. You have a few options.

      However, the one thing you must agree with is that you can’t gamble anymore. You will only make it worse.

      You could totally hide it all, put the remaining money away to settle and debts and taxes, and keep the rest.

      You could let your siblings know you got X amount of money and will divide it once the estate settled.

      Or you could tell them everything.

      I think the 2nd option is the best. If you go with option 1 it’s too risky you’ll continue this lie and end up losing it all, and then you’ll end up being in the hook and out of pocket for the estate.

      Atleast options 2 and 3 require you to tell them something so you are accountable going forward and don’t lose more.

      This isn’t a life sentence, and it’s not too late for you to cut your losses, you just need to come to grips with the fact you aren’t going to ever win it back and if you try, you’ll cause yourself more hardship

    • #52408

      My honest answers to the questions you pose – ie “Do you think it’s possible to fix this, fix myself, without telling anyone?” are no and no. You did in effect answer your own questions when you said ” I am worried if I don’t get some help soon there will be nothing left to pay the debts and nothing left to give my siblings.” The first step in getting help is to tell someone!

      It sounds as if you have been gambling with other people’s money and that could have very serious legal consequences. I can’t comment further as I don’t know which country or state you are in – but in nearly all parts of the world the creditors will need to be paid out first – and if there is not enough to cover them – then you could be liable. Even if they can still be paid – it then seems that you may have gambled some of your siblings inheritance. They may also want to seek redress. You need to pass over the money that remains to someone else as soon as possible – so that it does not go to the casino operator. That will mean involving someone else but I guess you may not need to tell them the reason for getting them to take control. You also need help for yourself. Block yourself from all places where you could gamble both the casinos and on-line. Get your spouse to handle your personal finances until you are stronger. Get counselling for yourself to work through the grief that you have over your parents passing and to ensure that you have that and not gambling to support you through the process. All gambling will do is numb out the feelings you are needing to release and you can’t afford that “therapy” anymore. I would also suggest joining a support group like Gamblers’ Anonymous or similar if there is one in your area – the more tools you have to stop gambling the better.

      Please do some research into what your situation is with regards to this money. You may be right that you are not too late to save the situation – I don’t know. What I do know is that whilst you are unsure of what the situation actually is – you will be worrying about it – and the way our brain works is if we worry – we try and turn that worry off by gambling. You need to stop gambling.

    • #52409

      Hi R4C,

      I too lost one parent to cancer at 24years old and then another at 27 years old. Tough and really disorientating.

      I had some inheritance after my parents’ death.

      Please give the money to someone else for the time being. Barriers must me put in place if you wish to hold on to the rest of the money for your and your family’s sake.

    • #52410

      I won’t go into all the details, as it is very complicated but the whole estate was left to me, and me alone. There are no other beneficiaries. I just told my mom before she died I would share it with my siblings. Not that that point makes it ok what I’ve been doing, but I guess it’s how I’ve been rationalizing it to myself why it has been ok to gamble it. It’s my money after all. 

      The debts are a weird thing. She said she owed all this debt but I did the taxes last year and didn’t find this big debt. For a number of reasons the estate is stilll not settled and I will be doing the taxes next year then applying for clearance certificate. My big worry is that the debt will resurface at that point. 

      I’ve been trying to do the best I can but all of this plus my grief has been overwhelming. 

      I think I will put the remainder in a GIC account, at least I won’t have access to it anymore. I want to tell my siblings but I also wonder if I am telling them something that will upset them when at the end of the day, I may still be able to give them $$ and then they will have had to suffer this pain for no reason. I think sometimes when we feel guilt, we want to tell people to cleanse ourselves of it but in reality all we are doing is hurting someone else just to get something off our chests. 

      I agree I probably do need to talk to someone but I feel that reaching out here was a big first step. Just being able to share it all as brought me some relief.

      Thank you for taking the time to respond. Today is day 2.

    • #52411

      Thank you for your response. I am going to ponder those options but I do agree, I cannot gamble anymore. 

      The last line really hit home for me, I can not win it back. That’s what I’ve been trying to do and failing miserably. I do need to come to terms with the fact that I’m not going to get any of it back. I have to make it work with what I have left. That is tough as it could have been so much more, but I guess this is the consequence of my actions. 

      Thank you for taking the time to respond. Today is day 2.

    • #52412

      I’m sorry for your loss. Cancer is really the worst. Well so is gambling actually.

      I am going to put the rest of the money in an account I can’t access easily. 

      Thank you for responding. 

    • #52413

      Today has been a good day. I decided to finally open up with my husband about my problem. I will admit I did not disclose all of the details, but I did own up to the fact that I have still been going to the casino, even though he thought I had stopped. It was really nice to be able to share my distress with him and actually talk about it.

      I have talked to him before and he often will defend why I did it based on all the stuff I’ve been through, etc. but today I kept saying, no – those are excuses. I have to take ownership for what I’ve done and not blame it on everything.

      I know he is not happy with me but he is so understanding that he gets that we all make mistakes. I hope I’ve gotten across the point that it is more than mistakes but an actual problem, but I guess we will see with that.

      Anyways, it felt good to share with him at least some of my problem. Baby steps and you have to do what feels right for you.

      I’ve picked a good week to not be a gambler anymore as he is off for the whole week and it is for sure easier to not go to the casino and gamble when he is home. It will be tougher when he goes back to work. But if I can get through this week with him here, I think that will be the longest I haven’t gambled consecutively in a row in months.

      Thanks for reading and thanks for supporting. I have been doing a lot of reflecting today and I am excited to stay here and share with you guys too. I really am ready for a change.

      Stay strong! (I want to say “good luck” but I feel that reminds me of the casino, so I say “Stay Strong”. We stay strong together. )

    • #52414

      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #52415

      Today is day 3. I’ve been here lots of times before so this is not that impressive to me. I actually haven’t gambled on the weekends in over a month. Generally my husband is home and that is the biggest block for me as if I go out, he will ask where I’m going. When he is not here, I can just go without anyone knowing.

      I’ve been reading through a lot of journals on here and the story is always the same. Doing good, doing good, being positive, etc. and then like we are different people completely, we relapse and go and gamble thousands of dollars away. It’s crazy to me that that is what we do. I’ve done it. I’ve read of others doing it. We know we shouldn’t. We are smart, “somewhat” rational people. But then something inside changes and it’s like – I don’t even care about the consequences. But we do care when we lose it all, don’t we. Or even if we win, then we think, “great, I’ll just go back everyday this week and win every time!” like it is a choice we have any control over. If we could win every time then we wouldn’t be here, struggling with debt, struggling with lies and deceit, and struggling with our self worth.

      It’s this loss of control that I find the most strange. I read someone write “I would drive across town to save $2 but not think twice about feeding a machine $1000’s” (I forget who wrote it) but isn’t it true? It’s true for me. I’d like to figure out why I can’t remain that cost conscious person, that rational person, that person who KNOWS I shouldn’t gamble. I’d like to figure out why (or how) my mind can change into this irrational, foolish, forgetful, demon on so many occasions.

      This week will be good for me as my husband is home but I have already been thinking about the casino and how I could get there or when. I visit with a relative every few weeks and she lives right near a casino. One where I’ve left with over $10,000 once (I owed a bunch of debt so it was good I won that but I have none of that left to show for anything).. I am going to see her this week. It will be a huge challenge for me to go there and NOT stop at the casino afterwards. I’m going on Wednesday. I don’t want to go to the casino. I don’t want to lose. And I don’t gamble anymore so a casino is a silly place for me to go.

      It is a holiday weekend here so I have not been able to put the money away into a safe account. I am going to call tomorrow to setup an appt. In the meantime I am trying to stay busy and keep my thoughts positive and not think about the losses. The money is gone. Can’t get it back. I can work really hard to save as much money as I can so I can feel successful and not weighed down by the losses. That is surely a hard thing too, accepting the losses.

      If I had a time machine my life could be fixed. But I don’t. So other than work hard and save as much as I can, there is no option to get the money back.

      Lots on my mind these past few days. It feels good to get these thoughts out. I don’t know if anyone is reading this, but it’s helping me all the same. If you are reading this, thanks, and also know I am here for you as much as I hope you are here for me.

      Day 3 – not complete but going good so far.

      Stay Strong folks.

    • #52416

      reading your post with all sincerity. I am so sorry about

      your parents passing, and I am so sorry you are struggling

      with this terrible addiction like most of us here are as well.

      your last post really resonated with me. It’s like we are in a better mind state, going good going good, and then we feel

      like we have to get that money back, so we try to chase

      what we have lost because we can’t accept that it’s gone

      thats how my -3000$ turned into -30,000 in about 10 trips.

      its crazy because like you I have always climbed out of the hole.

      but this time I just dug it deeper to the point I get sick

      trying to think of trying to win it back, yet I drink, feel

      0 self control and logic, then go on another rampage

      of a chase. This continues for 2-3 days of digging deeper.

      i reallt suggest you don’t take the chance of going on wednesaday.

      it is a high risk situation you’re putting yourself in, and you don’t want to be tempted to gamble As I just was on Atlantic city.

      told myself I wouldn’t gamble, it’s  like putting an alcoholic in an open bar and telling them Don’t have anything to drink.

      it Just doesn’t work. we are all here for you, your story is

      too similar to ever cg. Just different extents. have you

      tried GA? counselling? I’m in one on


      therapy because GA didn’t work for

      me but maybe I didn’t give it a chance. Can you 

      give your partner the rest of your $ to hold? 

      I really just don’t want you to lose the last 65k you have

      to gambling. It hurts my heart the pain you have bexause

      i have the same feeling right now on a smaller scale.

      god bless you and I pray you find the strength to stop

    • #52417

      “We are either working on recovery or we are working on relapse”

      By the sounds of it we have been working on relapse far too much and now it’s time we really work on our recovery.

      You got this!!!

    • #52418

      I have felt sick over my losses too. I have felt like throwing up. I have felt like giving up altogether, but I know that is a corwards way out and I certainly don’t want to hurt anyone anymore than I may already have. 

      In the past few days I have really been coming to terms with the fact the money is gone. If I accept it is gone, then there is nothing there to chase. 

      My triggers are bordem and having too much cash on me so I am trying to fill my time with constructive things and limiting the amount of cash I have on me. I too have used my line of credit, credit cards, etc. but I am sure less tempted if I don’t have any cash to start with. 

      It sounds silly but I don’t want to gamble unless I have minimum $2000 to go with because I want to win big, so you need to bet big. That’s why I am in the hole I am in. 

      My story might be a bit different because I still have some money left but the pain I have felt from it is the same. The stupid things I have done in order to gamble ar the same. I’ve lied with a straight face many times. Stolen from people I love.

      I know I am better than this. I can do better. I want better for myself. Those are the reasons I am working on my recovery now. I think we have to find our reasons. 

      Take care today. We all make mistakes. It’s not over yet. PLEASE don’t gamble today and I will promise you I won’t either. 

    • #52419


      triggers are also boredom and having too much free time

      i hear you On the big bets. I don’t like to go with anything

      less than that either, problem is once I lose my initial 

      bankroll. I’m on the phone wth my bank increasing

       daily limits, moving money around, doing anything I can

      to get more funds to play with to get my

      initial money back. I know we are stronger than this.

      i know we can look back on this with money saved,

      a better state of mind, and best of all, a gamble free life

      with no financial strsss hoping we get rich from the spin

      of a ball or the flip of a card. It’s like when I’m sober

      i have so much logic not to bet. As soon as I’m drunk 

      all is out the window and I think it’s ok. I’m here

      for ya and know you are not alone in this. We are fightinf

      this together one day at a time.

      you have my word I will

      not gamble today, and I hope I have yours too.

      bless your soul

    • #52420

      Today has been a good day. Kept myself busy with running errands. This time when I left the house though, I told my husband how long I was going to be.

      In the past, I would think of a random task I needed to do and then go gamble before doing it and sometimes after doing it and just tell my husband some lie about why it took me so long when in reality I was gambling the whole time.

      Today I had to go into the next town to do something and there is a casino very close to there. Normally that would have triggered me to go but not today! It felt good to do my errand and then come home. It actually gave me time to go and visit with my niece. She is only 10 months old and cute as a button!

      I have definitely had thoughts of gambling today. Of going to the casino tomorrow when I visit my relative. I am trying to fight them head-on today so I don’t slip tomorrow. I even thought to myself, well what if you went in with only $50?? See how our minds work?

      Such an awful thing. I think I will have to take all my cards out of my wallet tonight so I am not tempted to go and max everything out tomorrow. I know maybe I shouldn’t go but my family really counts on me and I need to be there for them. My husband will be expecting me home at a specific time tomorrow so that will help me get through it as well.

      I might take a different route home. I guess anything to fight the demons because even as I write about not going, it is making me want to go..

      Having a few days under your belt to better “see through the fog” as someone put it definitely helps. I hope my clarity will last.

      Thanks for reading, keep on fighting.

    • #52421

      please don’t put yourself in a situation where you have to make a decision to gamble to not and take a chance at a relapse. It’s too high risk for a cg to risk that. If you can give your cards to your husband tomorrow  that would legitimately give you no option to gamble. You will be so happy you did that. I toally feel it when you say subconcioisly you wanted to gamble. You’re already thinking about it. It was like me before I went to AC. I messaged few of my gambling friends before I left and told them I’m gonna hit BIG in Ac and get my money back that I lost in my city. And then the logical part of me told myself over and over don’t gamble when you’re there. The demon won because I had already put it in my head before I went, that I was going to gamble. I wish I had given my cards up to be 100% sure I didn’t put myself in that high risk sitUation. You will be happy you do tomorrow if you decide to. Take a bit of cash with you for emergency. like 50$. Also you know like tot said what if you just bring 50 to gamble, you know as soon as you lose that you will be going to chase it on your card. If you feel like gambling tomorrow, come on here. I will be here to Chat and we will put this to rest together, and never look back on this dark Time.


    • #52422

      Every time I gambled in casinos, I planned it in advance.
      I covered my tracks in advance by lying as to my whereabouts, by making sure I had money/cards with me and by justifying reasons/excuses to myself .
      It was always a SECRET PLAN.
      The way to blow the lid on this plan is to be accountable.
      Tell some other person what you are planning or even thinking about.
      Lock down all access to cash/cards .
      Post the cards to yourself and you will receive them in a couple of days , when the thoughts will have subsided.
      Remove every opportunity.
      “Don’t test or tempt yourself”
      Be accountable.
      Make it IMPOSSIBLE to gamble.
      Switch to “non gambling” mode
      It works when we know we CANNOT gamble.
      (I speak these words to myself, too)

    • #52423

      You are totally right, it was always a SECRET PLAN. 

      That was what made it so easy. I could lie and no one would know where I was.

      Today I took all my cards out of my wallet before I left the house and told my husband I would be home at a certain time. I actually ended up stopping in to see my sister before I came home and he did msg me to find out where I was. It felt good to be able to tell the truth and say, I’m here. I even took a picture. Before I couldn’t do that because I would liekly be somewhere I shouldn’t have been.

      Never though of mailing my cards to myself. Great idea!

    • #52424

      Today was a tough day… but I made it through it.
      I went out and very easily could have went to the casino. I drove right past it on my way home. I did take all of my cards out of my wallet and I only had about $30 on me but then my relative gave me $80 for helping today.

      As I was with her, I was thinking about going. I definitely was. Thinking how I could get away with going. Thinking how I could turn $130 into $1130. As I drove home I thought, NO. Why? Why would you go in with this money? Chances are you will lose it all in about 30 mins. Then what? You have no cards. So what you go home with nothing? I don’t know I hope I would have done the same if I had had a larger sum on me, but as I drove home, right past the casino, I got into the lane FURTHEST from the off ramp. I did not want to “auto-pilot” my way into the off ramp and go to the casino. SO I get in the farthest lane and of course there is traffic RIGHT at the off ramp. Ugh. I am not looking over at the sign. I am just thinking of why I don’t want to be in there… but I can nearly smell the casino from here.

      Finally, we are moving again and I drive right past. And once I get past it, I feel a lot better. I feel like I can breath. I feel like the urge is gone. It wasn’t much, it’s only day 5, I’m trying to put up barriers, but gotta say it felt pretty good.

      I have an appt on Friday to set aside the rest of the money in a more safe account.

      Hope everyone had a good g free day today.
      Take care,

    • #52425

      As a side note, I wrote the word “chance” in the above paragraph and it immediately struck me.

      I wrote “there is a chance I would lose the money.” Well of course there is. When we are thinking about gambling though, we don’t think like that. We think, there is a chance I will win. Then it made me think, I know this isn’t rational but I think in my brain somewhere I’ve kind of imagined the odds to be 50/50 chance I will win or lose. You know, *I’m a good gambler* (very sarcastic here).. I think I always figured I could beat the system. I really thought I was going to win big. Big enough to put back what I took. But that’s crazy.

      The odds are more like 100% you will lose. Or at least 99.99% you will lose. The odds are not in our favour I guess is all I’m saying. The house always wins. There is always a CHANCE we will win but there is a much better chance we will lose. And not just lose our money but lose our money and our lives and our family and our self worth and we could even lose our minds. This is a really tough addiction and one that so many people have yet so few people can see. 

      It is an addiction that is as Vera put it, a SECRET. We live inside our heads. We gamble in secrey. That’s tough for someone to carry around with them. 

      I guess I’m just rambling now but I think we all have a better chance if we stay g free.

    • #52426

      When we expose our secrets, it limits our chances to gamble.
      We are told “gambling is a game of chance” but for a Compulsive Gambler, this does not apply because our chances of winning are zilch.
      The compulsive nature of the disease means we will “fight to the kill” and always end up walking away empty in more ways than one.
      We have to accept that we CANNOT gamble.
      It ALWAYS ends in tears.
      Stay focused.

    • #52427

      Overall today was a good day. I did not gamble and kept myself busy making salsa with a friend!
      I have been having thoughts of the casino but the urges were less today. I have very little cash on me right now and my cards are out of my wallet.
      Bank appt tomorrow to set aside what is left and get it out of my reach. Tomorrow will be day 7. It’s been a long time since I’ve been g free that long.
      Looking forward to a good day tomorrow as well!

    • #52428

      Almost one week g free. That’s huge. Keep it up and never look back. In time, we will rebuild our minds, finances, and have a normal gamble free life enjoying the simple things like we once did. Always remember gambling is a lie, it will bring lots of pain and misery, with no return on our happiness . You got this. We got this. Let’s finish off the week g free and get through sept without a single bet.

    • #52429

      Thank you for your support.

    • #52430

      Well today is day 9. That is a big achievement for, sadly to say. I’d say for the past year or so I had been going to the casino about 2-4 times a week. So to abstain for this long, is a big deal.

      It hasn’t been the easiest week but I have just tried to keep myself busy and out of trouble. I did some work on Saturday right near the casino I would go to most often (there are 3 of them within 1 hrs drive from me). I got paid cash at the end of my shift. I got done early. I had the perfect chance to slip away for 2 hours without anyone knowing. I had money. But I sat in my car and thought about it and decided it just wasn’t worth it. Did I really want to throw my money away? Did I think I could really only be there for fun? Nope. So I just went home. And it was awesome cuz I had my money still. No regrets. No lies. No gambling hangover.

      This week will bring a new set of challenges when my husband goes back to work and I am left alone for so much time. I’ve already had thoughts of going. What day could I go? How much money could I get away with taking? .. but I know I have to crush these thoughts. Being g-free is the better way to live.

      I am being positive about my recovery and trying not to dwell to much in the past which is very difficult. I have A LOT of regret and shame over what I’ve done and how much money I’ve lost. Just literally threw it away. I can’t even figure out how I did it. It happened so fast I barely remember doing it. It really makes me sick if I think about it long enough if you want to know the truth. But again I am trying not to dwell. The money is gone. No getting it back. No point obsessing over it. Not good for the recovery I don’t think. Not at this point anyways. I’m still dealing with daily urges and thinking about the money makes me want to gamble, so I’m trying to not go to those places in my mind.

      In the last 2 days I’ve watched 4 movies. It was fun to turn off my brain for a while and lose myself in a fantasy instead of dealing with my reality, even if just for those few hours.

      Good night all and stay gfree!

    • #52431

      I have just read your thread so far and wanted to say well done! When you are on your own – do something completely unrelated to gambling. Movies are a great idea! Keep doing what you are doing and all the best! 

    • #52432

      Thank you for your support 🙂

    • #52433

      I made it to the double digits! This is the longest I’ve been gfree in quite some time. I should be feeling pretty good, and I guess I am on some level but on other levels I feel worse.

      I enjoyed going to the casino. I didn’t enjoy losing money but I did like playing the games. And of course the thrill. I am genuinely missing going a little bit. And when I went, there was always a chance (*CHANCE*) I may win. Now that I don’t gamble, there is no chance to win so there is NO chance to get back my losses. That part sucks. Accepting it’s gone, I’m still working on this I guess.

      Today I am doing better but the past 2 days I have really hated myself for ever letting things get to this point. I basically threw money away from one hand hoping to “win” money back in the other which in hindsight is SOOO stupid. I had money in one hand and I should have just held onto it. Ugh.

      Thats what I keep thinking, ugh. uuugghhhh!

      …But then I remember there is nothing I can do about it now except change the way I act in the future so I pick myself up and try to keep going. I have not gambled or set foot in a casino in 12 days, almost 2 weeks.

      It’s crazy because 2 weeks is nothing really, I’ve been gambling for 2 years. But to me, 2 weeks feels like forever. Funny how time works. I want to be proud of myself for getting to 12 days but it seems insignificant compared to how much longer I have to go (the rest of my life I guess).

      Hope everyone else is doing ok with their thoughts that come alone with this addiction. It really is a struggle.

    • #52434

      It is a proud beginning and you should feel really good. But I understand where you are coming from.

      Looking back I can’t believe I spent nearly 20 years of my early adulthood either gambling or battling this addiction. Years when I should have been building up my wealth for the future. I also remember missing the thrill of gambling in the early days of my recovery – and sometimes that was the trigger that drove me back (oh I can just play for small stakes for a few hours – that ALWAYS led to deeper trouble.) I feel we have to replace our gambling with something else – something that gives us pleasure and takes away the nostalgia for gambling. I tried several things; various classes, walking, dancing, chess, writing, comedy performance, counselling training – with differing results.

      You need to find your own way with this one. What have you always wanted to do in later life … What did you give up for gambling – can you go back to it. What would be a thrill for you. Eventually gambling becomes a distant memory – hopefully just a blip (in my case a large blip) in a life filled with lots of other things.

      Keep strong – you are doing well.

    • #52435

      I know how you feel. I spent the better part of the last 10 years gambling. I played huge stakes. I liked, cheated and stole to fund my addiction. It was all about the rush. Do you know what it felt like to win or lose $5000 while pushing my kids on the swing and no one knowing?

      It’s been almost 3 months since I bet. At first, I had a REALLY hard time adjusting to life after gambling. I felt bored, nothing to give me the thrill. I kept reminding myself how sick I felt after each loss, how much I always used to tell myself I’d do anything to have this all go away. I put my energy into a second job. I mapped out all the debt I accrued over the years and have an Excel document with my plan. Whenever I feel sad or miss the rush, I check where I’m at and it reminds me to stay focused.

    • #52436

      2 weeks. Wow. I’m proud of myself but yesterday and today all I want to do is go to the casino!

      I want to go but I do not want to lose money, I do not want to start over from day 1 and i do not want to have to come here and tell you all I relapsed, but I do want to go..

      I need to stay strong today as everything is in just the right place for me to go – I am alone, a bit bored, have a “little” bit of cash on me, have the urges, and since I have done well at not going its almost like I think I can *treat* myself to going as a reward.

      So ridiculous..
      I’m trying to stay strong but the urges are killing me today!!

    • #52437

      I know that when the urges were at their worst – talking to someone – even if it was on in a chat room or a help line – really helped. I think that it is the contact with others – even if they can’t understand what we are going through.

      Then there is this “one day at a time” mantra – that can be brought down to “one hour at a time” – and finding things to do that will bring the hours down to when we need to go to bed. I’m guessing this is similar to withdrawal symptoms and just need to be got through. I hope you can keep strong. I may be in group tonight if you need to talk!

    • #52438

      Thank you! 

      I did what I probably shouldn’t have done which is drive past the casino. I couldn’t help but to pull in. All I did though was sit in my car for 20 mins, thinking about what was going on inside – people losing money, the same old faces, loud machines, etc… After a while the urges had passed and I turned around and came home. 

      I’m sure this is a big no no but it in fact worked for me today. I am now home and the urges for today have seemed to calm down. 

      Thank you for your support. How do I get into a group chat? Haven’t done that here yet.

    • #52439
      i won a new life

      Keep going don’t give in to urges it will just add to the destruction.

      Find something else to do to fill the time you used to spend gambling.

      I’m working on this right now as I type gambling has set me back 10 years of my life and I want to have something to leave to my kids some day, not just debt.

      One day at a time.

    • #52440

      Today was my 6th year wedding anniversary so spent the day with my hubby! No chances or opportunities to go and gamble. Still lots of thoughts about it though.

      Thoughts of what would happen if I did go.. But I haven’t yet and that is making me proud of myself and wanting to stick with it. Must put time between the past and the present.
      Hopefully this week will bring more of the same strength.

    • #52441

      Well, I’ve been reluctant to come here and say this but I think for my well being I have to – I have relapsed and gambled again.

      I went with a small amount, thinking maybe I can control myself. Sure enough, I win a bit of money. Great! No, not great. The next day I think ok, I can go with my winnings and turn it into more. Nope, wrong again. I end up losing that plus about 3k. So obviously I go one more time trying to recoup my losses, and end up losing another 4k. So about 7k in just 2 days. My God, what is wrong with me??

      I know I shouldn’t have access to this much money but I had my credit card and just kept taking advances off of it. The worst part is I was up. I was up on the first day. WHY did I go for more? Why did I put myself back in this position?

      Yesterday was day 1 again and I felt like crap all day. I know I can do better but I am so addicted to it I can’t help myself. As soon as that first bet is made, all reasoning goes out the window.

      I feel awful. I am pretty much broke. Now I have all this debt to deal with. I’m not even working right now. Ugh, I really hate myself right now.

      I know I have done this to myself but it doesn’t make it any easier to swallow.

      Maybe this time will be different? Who knows…

    • #52442

      Today is day 6 gamble free (again).

      I did have another slip where I gambled online. On the site I use, you can only ban yourself 3 months at a time and you can’t re-ban yourself until your time is up, so dumb. So anyways, my 3 month ban was up the other day. I knew I could gamble online and so I did. Fortunately I had changed my settings a while back and I could only deposit $50. Of course I lost that but then I promptly did another 3 month ban so I’m pretty proud of myself for that. $50 is nothing compared to what I usually gamble in a session.

      Instead of looking at my past time and thinking how I screwed up and am back at day 6 I decided I could look at it a different way.. Last month I gambled 10 days out of the month, this month I only gambled 4 days. That is more than half as much so that is an improvement! I had more than 2 weeks under my belt at the beginning of this month so rather than throw that away, I’m building on it being a better month. I guess whatever we have to do and whatever we have to tell ourselves to get better right?

      Also I feel like I’m just writing this to myself since no one ever responds but hey, whatever.. Good job me, I think you’re doing a good job!

    • #52443

      Sorry R4C if you think we dont listen. We do. I’ve been working a lot and dealing with a dental issue so I’ve been able to read but not reply too often. My comment to your success is that, yes, you are doing much better. You could be doing even better than that if you would block the sites with gamban or gamblock. If you dont have the temptation then it would be easier to say no. Would you be able to stay on a diet with a cake in your fridge? It’s exactly the same, and now that I have it on all devices it’s been 37 days without even a blink of an eye. It’s tough to commit to absolutely no gambling and I understand, but if you are serious about quitting, give yourself a fighting chance and block all gambling off of your devices. 

    • #52444

      Thanks for your response. I understand everyone gets busy but I guess maybe I was expecting more from the forum than is truly there. Who knows?

      I will for sure consider the gamblock but honestly gambling online has only been a very SMALL part of my problem. I enjoy going to an actual casino. Online its easy to block myself for 3 months because I don’t really care about it. 

      Congrats on your 37 days. Keep it going!

    • #52445

      I am the opposite. I hate casinos because they are full of people that kill the buzz of gambling. My local is full of people that seem to be broke and desperate, or that’s how they look to me. I hate the angry people slapping their buttons and the weird ones who do all the screen touching and massaging. I am too aware of my surroundings to enjoy the games and hate when I cant play what I want. Still, even though I dont really enjoy the experience, I will still go occasionally with friends or family if they are going and ask. I have started to shred the offers that come in the mail from them, and throw out the cards after I get home so as to make it even more of a pain in the butt for me to go the next time. It also doesn’t help that I have to travel a total of 4 1/2 hours round trip to go if I want to go myself. Online is do much more to my liking and that is why I put gamban on everything. It’s way too easy to just slip into my notch on the couch and pick up something electronic. I still have the bad habit of slipping into my notch and being a veg, only this time I’m not blowing my pay.  The short of this long winded reply is that you have to fill whatever holes are in your road before you get to them. If the casino is your hole, then you gave to find ways to make it impossible to go, whether it be no access to transport  no cash, no time  or self exclusion. Whatever opportunity presents itself you must quash as quickly as it comes and before the fond thoughts and urges take hold. I’m not sure where you live or your particular details, so share and we can come up with a plan.

    • #52446

      I’m just checking in and seeing how you have been? How are you doing with the gambling ? Please update us when you can and I hope you are well.

    • #52447

      Thank you for checking in on me. I have not been doing very well. I went on a vacation and thought I was ready to stop but since I have been back I have done a lot more gambling and a lot more damage. I am pretty deep in debt right now. I feel like maybe I had to get to this very low point. I feel very tired of gambling and chasing right now. Today was day 7 of g-free, this time around.. I feel pretty good. I feel slightly tempted but strong. I am so very mad at myself for what I have done to myself. I know I can come back from it and that is what I am focusing on. Paying off my debt. As fast as possible. I am also just finally going back to work this week. 

      I have a lot going on in my life and a lot has been thrust on my shoulders in the last 2 years that I never asked for and wasn;t prepared for and I believe that is where this all started. I have a long road ahead of me but I really feel determined this time. I want to change who I am, not just the fact I am a non-gambler. I’ve lost who I am and I don’t like that. I am working on it, one day at a time. 

      Thank you so much for thinking of me. I have been away from this forum for a while. How are you??

    • #52448

      It’s good to hear that you are 7 days clean again. Trust me this is a tough battle as you know and there will be relapsing while we are in recovery. I started my journal over a year ago and the only reason why I started it is because of relapsing and losing, I’m pretty sure people don’t come in these forums when they’re winning lol. So when I started my journal I think I probably relapsed 6-7 times , each one worse than the previous until I lost every penny to my name. i think you are just as fed up as I was and you really want to change and live gamble free. The cycle is so vicious and just when we think we have beaten it, it comes back and sucks us right back In. But really how many times can we go through it before we say enough is ebough, I don’t want to feel this pain anymore. everything you have Been through in life makes you stronger and really makes you who the person you are today at this very moment. you can take on whatever life throws at you after you have been through these trauamatic experiences verses someonody who hasn’t. Sometimes I wish I never got into this evil addiction but other times I try to look at it as it makes us so much stronger once we make it out on top. I can tell just by reading your reply to me that you truly don’t want to go through this any longer. I believe you have what it takes to stop and never look back. I believe in you and you should believe in yourself too. You can do this. I am 41 days gamble free today and feel much better, like I said my last relapse wiped me clean of every available fund to my name, maxed out cc,line of credit, overdraft, and unemployed. I had to ask my parents to loan me some Money in which they helped me once again, but this time is different I feel clarity and peace and never want to feel the wrath of a gambling hangover again, I know you don’t either. Please be kind to yourself and gentle with how you speak to your mind in these hard times, positive thoughts go a long way when we are struggling with this addiction , I know easier said than done. Also, don’t get discouraged when people don’t reply to your thread. these journals are for to vent , and write down our feelings and emotions On A daily, weekly, monthly, heck even hourly basis. Do this for you! you can and you will. It’s good to hear from you and I wish you well. onwards and upwards. 

      god bless.

    • #52449

      This is a quote I read daily and it means a lot to me “You will sort things out, but don’t rush. Concentrate on yourself, not on your debts. Take small steps, and remember you can sort out your money, your life, and your peace of mind, but don’t think like a gambler , think like a measured individual who is wise and learning from their mistakes.” Don’t think of this as a financial problem, but as a lifestyle and behavioural one.

    • #52450

      I really want to thank you for that response. It’s like you know me. I feel like I know you too. I feel like our battle has been sort of the same. Different of course but always reading your thread I felt like I just “knew” exactly how you felt. 

      I think for me, I was coping (still am coping) with losing my Mom. Not the best way to do it. And since I had all kinds of extra money, I just went crazy with it. Since my original post, I have still put that large sum of money away where I can’t touch it and yet I still found ways to gamble. I could use my pay, my cc, my line of credit, etc. I mean that’s what I did before but then I would go into my Stash of money and pay it off. I am not doing that anymore and I think that is what is really stopping me this time – I have to figure out how to pay this debt off without “bailing” myself out. Now that that is the case, I realize what an idiot I’ve been. 

      I am so mad at myself. I had so much money. I could have done such better things with it. When I think about that, it makes me want to stop. It also makes me want to cry. 

      You’re right, the cycle is viscous. Get a few days under your belt, think you can go gamble – win some, you want to go back and do it again, lose some, you want to go back to get your losses. So ridiculous. 

      Thank you for your kind words in being positive and gentle with myself and also saying you believe in me. I believe in you too. 41 days, probably more now, is so awesome!!! Good for you. I stopped writing on here because I just kind of went binge gambling this past month. I really dug myself into a deep hole. I felt too ashamed to even come here and tell anyone or ask for help. You asking me how I was doing really meant a lot to me. I don’t have a lot of people in my life and most people in my life rely on me so I can’t say anything to them about this, I can’t burden them like that. They look up to me and they need me to be the strong one. Having you reach out to me made me feel like someone actually cared about looking out for me rather than always the other way around. So really and truly, thank you. 

    • #52451

      you should never feel alone. It was my pleasure to check up on you and see how you are doing, maybe our conversations saved you from gambling again, maybe not. But that’s the main objective is being there for one another in these hard times. we cannot change the past but we sure can make our future great without gambling. Never feel ashamed to come on here after a relapse, nobody here will ever judge you I can gaurantee you that. This place has helped me so much from great people like yourself and many others talking about our gambling and personal problems.. many people in our life will never understand it but everyone here knows exactly how you are feeling, and you should feel safe to share any thought you are having because someone will be there to have your back, this time it was me. don’t think of all the money you had, or have, you will come across lots of Money in life, the key issue is to stop the gambling to get your happiness back. Imagine those who lost millions in the 2008 stock market crash.. I read of one losing 100 million, his wife and daughter were renting a penthouse suite at the ritz in manhatten. the next day he has to sell her wedding ring to afford a cheap apparetkent, 8 years later he is worth millions again, you know why? He worked damn hard and used the bad to fuel his fire and motivate him to become financilly but more imporant , mentally content. You will make the Money back, but the main thing is you get your quality of life and happiness back, and I truly believe you can. I’m rooting for you always, let’s make the rest of 2019 gamble free and 2020 as well. Take care of yourself and reach out whenever you are feeling down. 

    • #52452

      How’s everything going? Hope you are well and gamble free!
      Keep us updated if you can:)

      Hope you’re having a great holiday season !

    • #52453

      Day 1 again. I’ve had so many day 1’s it barely means anything anymore. I am having such a hard time kicking this thing.
      I will be good for a few days then right back at it again, over and over again. My life is slipping away between my fingers it seems.
      I know I need to self ban and I know I need to give my finances to someone else but I am too scared to do it. Although now I am scared I will lose everything if I dont.
      I told my husband I had not stopped gambling and he lost his mind. He doesn’t even know the full extent of it. I’m scared to tell him. I don’t want to lose him.
      Is this my battle to fight or do I make it his problem too?

      I’ve said this so many times but I really REALLY want to stop. Its slowly killing me inside.

    • #52454

      You already made it his problem. If someone crashes into your car, its your problem by default not just theirs. Sorry for being open but you are very easy going about this all reading the topic. I was at this stage once and it is only gonna get worse, you are in a stage where you think that you are thinking about your family but you are not really. You can still stop ut at loosing this excess money you had, dont cou nt it, think of it as excess. I think you need to tell him asap the full extent of it, asap and seek more help, give him a link to this topic! He needs to figure how serious this is. You lost what you had in excess leave ir at that, every minute you keep hiding this extra is working against you. You cant battle this on your own. Let your family help you. Tell them everything, your daily thoughts, the inner fighting, all of it. This will make you care more not to dissapoint them ever again like that. You cant get the money back, and the only way to balance your feelings back to positive is not by winning the money back but by not going there ever again. Be positive and carefull.

    • #52455

      Thank you for responding. I am trying to understand what you mean by the car crash analogy. So I hit my “preverbial” car into him somehow? We don’t share finances at all and I have never missed making any bill payments. Aside from the fact he doesn’t like me gambling, I’m not sure how I’ve “crashed” into him. 
      I’m not trying to argue or disagree but I am just trying to understand what you are saying. 

      And as far as me sounding easy going about it, I’m not. Maybe it sounds that way but I stress over this every minute of every day. As I said, it’s KILLING me inside.

      But I do thank you for responding. It is good to hear from others who are going through this or who have been in the same situation.

    • #52456

      Today I had a really rough day. I have a court matter I have been dealing with for almost 2 years and today I thought was going to be the last day. Things did not go as planned and there are now more hurdles we need to go through and more waiting I need to do. This has been part of my stress and part of what has led me to gamble. I was so hopeful it would be done today and having it be postponed has really got me down.
      Here’s hoping I can hold it together in the meantime.

    • #52457

      I’ve been thinking a lot this evening about your post and I think I reacted too quickly. I’m sure in more ways than 1 I have upset my husbands life. I get it, that is the crash. 

      I do want to be honest but I am really scared. How do you tell someone what a fuck up you are?

    • #52458

      I am committed to quitting gambling. I don’t think I could have really said that before. Or at least not in the past 3-6 months or so.
      Last night I read through my thread and I realize I’ve been here before. When I look at it, I feel like this is the third chapter of really trying. All the stuff in between was just me chasing and not going for a day or so but not really committed to trying.
      In September I was doing so good. I was at 16 days. But something I read here was actually what made me think it was ok to “try” to gamble again. I read people saying, relapse is part of recovery. It was a blip in my recovery. And so I told myself if I went, I could just call it a “blip”, a minor roadblock. But the thing is it was so much more than that.
      I don’t remember if I won or lost that night but it doesn’t matter because either way I know I kept gambling. Whether it was to win more or chase my losses but either way it wasn’t a blip. It was a calculated decision I made to gamble.
      I know I need to be honest with my family but I think I ultimately have to be honest with myself first. I am back on here, writing everyday to keep myself accountable. I have made a calendar to keep track of days as well as keep track of triggers and to track my spending. I really want this time to be different.

    • #52459

      I am glad you came to realise that Everything you do affects your husband. When I gambled all I could think about was my husband and how I would feel if he had done that to me. I would have felt betrayed, let down and uncared for.

      honestly, my advice to you would be draw the line. I myself inherited some money which enabled me to gamble away a large chunk of it. I am now living with the consequences of that and am not proud of my actions.

      draw a line under all your losses and take your recovery seriously 

    • #52460
      Dark Energy

      Hi Rdy4Chng,

      Keep it up. Admit the below points and take it from there you know your self and you can taylor a strategy to fit your situation:

      1: you can’t win money gambling (no need to explain i believe you konw it by now).

      2: you can’t recover what you have lost so let it go and don’t chase it.

      3: the money is the drug. If you have extra money and access to gambling the urges will continue untill your brain get tired from resisting these urges and then gamble agin.

      4:willpower alone will not work.  part of our brain is f**** up. So we shouldn’t depend on that part to act rationally.

      5:what we can do based on points 1 to 4,  is to plan how to protect ourselves in advance. Build your defensive strategy when your mind is clear to protect you when the irrational part kicks in.

      Hope you all the best. 

    • #52461

      Those are very good points. 
      Thank you

    • #52462

      I am trying to think of each day as soon as I wake up as a gamble free day. Come here, write before the day is over and check in with myself. Before, I would wait until the end of the day to consider it a “gf” day but I hope starting my day as a new gf day will be a better strategy for me.
      There is a big snow storm here which normally I would hate but it is keeping me inside the house, no thoughts of gambling at all. Also, it is way easier when my husband is here. Especially now that he knows I have not stopped. I can’t sneak away. And honestly, right now, I don’t want to.
      No thoughts of gambling today, so far. Just of making things right. I know I have to be honest but I also think I need to show actions too. Admitting what I have done is one thing, about the past but acting differently today is what will change the future.
      I am trying to be kinder with myself. AT least for now. After all I’ve been through, I deserve to be gentle with myself. No one is a harder critic on me than me and ME needs to lighten up a bit!
      I’m not belittling my situation, I understand the gravity of what has happened and where I am at but maybe a kinder approach to myself would give me the courage to actually quit this thing.
      I have started journaling not just here but in a notebook and realizing I have a lot of issues to deal with. I’ve also posted some positive quotes around my office, to help me stay on track and not forget the person I want to be and try to stop focusing so much on the person I’ve become.
      I am about 5 hrs behind this forum I think but I am going to try to get into a chat one night/day if I can figure out the timing.

    • #52463

      It was good to chat with you in group last night and only sorry that I logged on late and we didn’t have more time.

      I thoroughly agree with being kind to yourself. I realised when I had been stopped awhile that I had forgotten to take care of ME. I didn’t eat well, I stopped caring about my appearance and most importantly, I didn’t believe that I deserved even the basic of treats because of all the money I had wasted on gambling.

      Gambling is a behavioural glitch in our brains – we didn’t ask for it and all we can do is work on our recovery as much as possible. Being kind and gentle to ourselves along the way does help. I wish you well.

    • #52464

      Thanks Steev. Hope we will get a chance to chat more in group one day. 

    • #52465

      Some thoughts of gambling today. More just longing for the quick fix of a big jackpot win. An old boss of mine just won $150,000 in the lottery. And he was such a lowlife lol – not the guy who deserves to win. Although he always gambled when I worked there years ago so I’m sure he is a cg as well and will likely not retain much of that money. For his sake I hope he does I guess haha.
      But for me, I know I can’t go to the casino and hope/pray/dream for that big win. Thats what I’ve been doing. Its all up to chance and I’ve already lost so much, there is no way I can lose more money on that “dream”.
      I have been trying to focus on positive things. Good self talk about having worth in life still. Thinking about having money and making money and actually my business has been a little busier in the past few days.
      What we focus on is what we are going to get. If I sit and obsess over my debts and failures, I am going to get more of just that. If I think about abundance and being happy, I am going to get more of that too.
      We just have to change our thinking, rewire our brains. It’s only money after all. It’s not the end of the world. Everyday we can start over. Maybe not erase what happened in the past but move towards better things for the future.

    • #52466

      Honestly for me, the first week is actually pretty easy to get through. Not quite a week yet, but getting there. The first week seems to go by fast because you are taking the time to review what happened, feeling bad for yourself, thinking about change, etc. Once that first week is over, it gets harder. For me anyways.
      I have been looking back at my bank account and it is just disgusting. In the past 2 months I have withdrawn $14,000 to gamble with yet I have a credit card with $15,000 debt. If I had just put that money on my debt instead of gambling, that card would be clear by now. Instead I have no money and still have debt. How ridiculous.
      And yes, I know I should never have been allowed to access that money in the first place but I found a way around my road block and thats that. Not going to feel bad about it now. Just change how I act in the future. Bigger roadblocks are needed.
      The amount that I’ve lost is so staggering I am still working on the courage to come clean. But here’s a question, what if your spouse says they DON’T want to know the details?

    • #52467

      Definitely had major urges today.
      Triggers: Going to visit a relative in the city, closer to my “favourite” casino. Going there alone. It’s what I’ve been doing the last while every time I go there.
      What I did differently: Took all cards and money out my wallet except what I needed cash wise. Took my licence out of my wallet so I couldn’t go to a bank in person to get money (done that before). Wrote out my plan before I went there. Made plans for immediately afterwards so I had no time to go after the visit. Drove a different way home.
      All in all, did not gamble. Well I bought a $5 scratch ticket. I haven’t scratched in yet. A minor setback compared to my usual $2000 deposit I was making weekly to the casino.
      Still mad at myself. Still wrestling with my demons. Trying to believe everything will be ok as long as I don’t gamble. Gambling will not help. It does not helped and it hasn’t helped me so far.

    • #52468

      Ok one week done. This is not easy.
      Feeling low about the damage I have done and know I cannot get that money back. It makes me sick.
      Remembering to be gentle with myself and focus on the future and not the past.
      Have joined a few chats online in this forum and that is helping. I will continue to do that until I find another method of support.
      Not much more to say today.

    • #52469

      I haven’t gambled in 12 days except for the single scratch ticket I bought last week. I feel ok and I know I should be proud but I still have strong urges to gamble. I’ve thought about how I can work around my road blocks. But glad to say I haven’t done that so far.
      2 weeks seems to be my weakness so here’s hoping this time is really different.

    • #52470

      Keep going you can do it. You are doing great. I’m at nearly 3 months and it has got easier only pops in my head now and then where as I was thinking and feeling sick about the losses every moment I was awake for a few weeks. Good luck keep strong.

    • #52471

      Too much pressure on myself to make it past 14 days – the milestone was so close I sabotaged myself. Enough is enough though – Today is day 5.
      I had road blocks but they were not strong enough. That is something I am working on.
      Went to group the other day and that was helpful, will try to figure out the time difference and make it to more groups.

    • #52472

      6 days since my last slip.
      Not too many urges just a few fleeting thoughts.
      I don’t have much money at the moment so that helps. Limited my access to money as well so no chance of getting it from somewhere else.
      Taking it one day at a time and knowing that baby steps will eventually lead me all the way there.

    • #52473

      Just for today I am going to be kind to myself.
      Just for today I am not going to try to tackle all my problems at once.
      Just for today I am not going to gamble.

    • #52474


      Just a simple observation 

      “I am going to love myself from this moment now”

      “I am going to focus on positive affirmations from this moment now”

      “I am going to be free from this habit from this moment now” 

    • #52475

      Once you quit gambling you notice how much it is actually around you. The ads on the radio, the scratch tickets at every cash, 70 million dollar wins, go to the casino for a fun night out, friends casually mentioning winning the lotto.. it really is hard to avoid it.
      But I am 10 days gf right now. I feel my eyes are opening to how bad the addiction really had me. (has me)
      I have a lot of problems I need to work through. Slowing down a bit and taking baby steps is helping me. I have just been overwhelmed for so long, everything seemed impossible. Slowly, day by day, one day at a time I am making progress.

    • #52476

      thank you

    • #52477

      No gambling for 12 days.

    • #52478
      Dark Energy

      good progress, keep it up. it is my 12th day as well,

      hope you all the best.

    • #52479

      I have followed your journey. You have done so well before I know you can do it again!

    • #52480

      Working on getting over the 2 week hump. I thought about it today (gambling) and how maybe I could just go, bet something small.. but I quickly said no, that is STUPID. After all the damage I have done, that is really the last thing I need. The urge passed pretty quickly. Funny how I haven’t thought of it much lately but I guess knowing two weeks is my struggling point, my brain thought it could put one over on me. I didn’t let it happen 🙂
      I’m nowhere near where I want to be but I am going one day at a time, working on the future, trying to be a better person and I know slowly but surely, things will get back to where I want them to be, which is simply just a normal life again.

    • #52481

      Hey all, I haven’t been around too much to post here or on others threads. I’ve been trying to work a bit more so I can have a bit more money to help pay off my gambling debts.
      Today marks 16 days gamble free. I am finally starting to feel a bit better. I feel I can see more clearly and *some* of the weight of the past is lifting. Not all, but some.
      I am still struggling with a lot of things and trying to make things right but I am proud of myself for getting this far.
      I know now that I am the one who needs to change and that gambling won’t help me and never has.
      Every day has it’s challenges, but how we survive through it is what makes us who we are.
      Happy weekend and happy gamble-free life!

    • #52482
      Dark Energy

      I am glad to hear the good news,
      congratulations you did it.

    • #52483

      Getting there.. 

    • #52484

      I just finished reading your posts, really sorry to hear about what you’ve been through.  Hope you are doing well and please keep us updated.

    • #52485

      Hi ready4change,

      How have you been since you last posted? Perhaps sharing what your experience has been like these past few weeks and the struggle you spoke about on another thread, will shed light on ways you can get help.

      Do keep posting about your journey and please don’t lose hope .

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