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    • #24796
      Evil angel

      Hello everyone,

      I chose the name Evil Angel because I try to be a good person when I am in normal everyday life, like being nice to everyone.

      When I get into a gambling binge my dark side comes out , I empty my bank accounts, I justify expenditure, I drink, I smoke, I am bad …

      Well what has brought me here ?

      Let’s see, I have been gambling for over 7 years , my poison is the slots.

      What I have come to realise is that it is not about the money, I recently had a really good win and I promised myself that I would not put it back but I did gradually.

      It is impossible to win in the long term and this is why I have stopped.

      To be honest I want to stop because I want to stop being obsessed about money, stop hurting my family, my daughter .

      Just for today I will not gamble

    • #24797
      Evil angel

      when does it become personal ?

      When I have left my daughter at home to go gamble , she was old enough to look after herself but there was a black out and she in the dark , scared and crying — that’s when I know I failed as a parent

      when does it become financial ?

      when I think about the money I have lost, the holidays I have not got on, the savings I don’t have

      when does it make me anxious ?

      when I see people judging me for gambling, when I worry the bank will look in to my accounts because of the multiple withdrawals from a gambling establishment.

      when does it make me angry ?

      when I have to live through another two weeks till payday and eat really budget meals to make it only to pay all my bills and then blow the rest unintentionally.

      when does it make me cry ?

      when I have been sitting there for two hours on the machine trying to get my money back and someone hopes on the machine next to me and gets a big win on the their second spin.

      why does it lure me in ?

      when it’a hot day and all I want is a glass of wine and a gamble after work.

      why can’t I control it ?

      Because I can’t , I keep thinking I will win, that my luck will change , I don’t want to be a loser


      Why do I do this to myself ?

      I have really low self esteem, it’s a fake cushion from the real world.

      Why do I have so much pain ?

      I was bullied at school by girls and it took me a long time to recover, I’m in my thirties and I still think sometimes when I am feeling vunerable that the laughter is about me, the gossiping is about me …

      why , why , why ?

      who knows , that’s too hard a question

    • #24798


      Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

      Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

      Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

      And on that note….

      I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

      Take care

      The Gambling Therapy Team

      PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

      privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

    • #24799

      Welcome to GT! If it’s ok with you, I’d like to just call you Angel. You have asked some good questions and have searched your soul for some honest answers. Thank you for posting. It takes a lot of Self to delve in and ask ourselves these questions and then share them with others. I would like to write more, but my husband just called, and we are leaving town 4 hours earlier than he originally told me. Urgh! Keep posting. It will not only help you but others as well. Your post has already given me lots to think about and to ask myself. Take care. You are on the right path and moving in the right direction!

    • #24800

      Welcome to GT! You’ve made the first step coming here and recognizing that you have a problem. I knew I had a gambling problem but I didn’t want to deal with it until I just had enough. There are reasons why we gamble and that is the painful part of recovery, dealing with the demons that make us want to escape our lives. Gambling is just a quick fix not the solution. Can you join GA and get support? GA did help me immensely. Keep posting here because we have all been there and you will receive great advise and support. I still think back on the times that gambling took me away from my family time. Time I can not replace. But we have to forgive ourselves and learn to live a healthy gamble free life. Stay strong and take it one day at a time.

    • #24801

      Welcome to GT
      Life without gambling is possible… ive been here for years and though i have relapsed lots i have learnt lots and i am not steadily moving on in recovery.. the help you will receive here is priceless.. hang in there and dont give up no matter how many attempts it takes.. this can be the beginning of a new life for you.. starting now. There are group chats, one on one helpers and you can vent all you like on your journal. i love your honesty and that you are reaching out to help yourself, you are wanting a better life as are all of us here and we dont judge.. we are all here to find a fulfilling life without gambling. Can you look up gamblers anonymous in your area, they are great support, there is counselling, this site, new hobbies.. try to carry little money with you. Ban if you can from places depending where you are in the world and what state laws are in place.
      It is a sneaky cunning addiction and it is very hard for me to now even understand how i did it for so many years the same thing over and over and over but that is what addiction is but it can be the end of those days for you.. just one day at a time.. just get up in the morning and say i wont gamble today, or this hour, just get through small chunks of time at a time and fill your day, plan your day. Distract those thoughts of gambling, dont let them build in your head.. hang out here, get to know people, we will be with you and know you are never alone, you have found us.. we are all in this together.


    • #24802
      Evil angel

      Hi guys, thanks so much for the warm welcome, p & harry & icandothis.

      I had a good day today and yesterday however money worries are always at the back of mind – sometimes I think what would I do if I didn’t have a full time job…

      I took my daughter and her friend to a sporting activity that they have been wanting to do and it was a bit of an effort to get there and back but it was worth it as daughter was happy and we had some goodies after.

      I still have money worries in the back of my mind, I am current with my bills , and debts but I worry about bills coming in the future as gas & elec. is so expensive now.

      I feel kind of tired and my husband is making me cranky , sometimes he is like a little kid he is over 40 , lol.

      So I will sign off now and focus on my crusade against my demons.

      All the strength….

    • #24803

      By coming here you have made the first step to a normal gamble free life. The best advice that I can give you is take it one day at a time. I took me a long time to think that way, and I still have to work on it. Every day that you don’t gamble is a good day. Is it possible for you to work things so you don’t have access to cash. I know for a while I bought visa or MC Gift Cards as a way of being able to go out as I could still buy things, but could not get cash from them. Have a wonderful gamble free day!!!

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