Thanks for the comments. I hope that I can help people with my stories or at least give examples to what recovery really looks like.
I just returned from a 2 week vacation I took in Hawaii. I actually went down by myself but met with a friend that lives there. I spent a few days alone which I have never done ever especially traveling. I was a bit nervous at first but gained confidence to do things without being afraid. I met some cool people just on my own so that was a huge step for me. I’m a surfer so it wasn’t hard for me to meet locals to show me some cool surf spots and I met some really cool spirtual people who were just like me and had the same values. Because I stepped out of my comfort zone I was able to have some amazing times on my own till I met my good friend down there. I was able to afford my trip because ive saved money for the last 2 years since I quit gambling. It’s amazing how much you can do when you work hard and actually save instead of blowing it on addictions. I’m proud of how far I’ve come it’s been a rough,painful,and very chaotic few years. But i’ve gained alot in a short period of time because of the hard work I’ve put into living clean the right way. I was so resistant to doing program work,or dealing with my struggles but I hit the rock bottom I needed. I watch my partner struggle daily with himself because he goes in and out of wanting to work on himself and I just seperate from his recovery because it’s not mine. The only way I learned to do the work was by falling flat on my face and picking myself up again. You can’t tell an addict what to do because we won’t listen lol we have to want to stop our behaviors addiction wis, and even the bad ones in sobriety. It is alot of surrender, and alot of letting go of control, which control is by far the greatest defect of character us addicts have. I’m grateful for every chance I have to actually live life today. I can truly say for the first time in my life I’m not just surviving anymore I’m actually living.