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Welcome to GT! If it’s ok with you, I’d like to just call you Angel. You have asked some good questions and have searched your soul for some honest answers. Thank you for posting. It takes a lot of Self to delve in and ask ourselves these questions and then share them with others. I would like to write more, but my husband just called, and we are leaving town 4 hours earlier than he originally told me. Urgh! Keep posting. It will not only help you but others as well. Your post has already given me lots to think about and to ask myself. Take care. You are on the right path and moving in the right direction!