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Katana, you should start your own thread so that we can respond to you directly. I hear your pain. I am 57 soon and in a mound of trouble myself but it is never too late to heal. Giving up is an option to those who dont want to heal, but you came on looking for help and we are here. We have all been in the situation where it looks grim, but there are so many that have been here, posting over the years, that have risen above this addiction. Did you know that there are over 50 million addicts world wide ( reported ones) so know that there is strength in numbers. All is not lost. Take one day to clearly mark your direction, make a plan and start again. Please start a thread on your own so that we can all follow you.