Thank you so much for your words, Kin. I truly appreciate it. While sometimes reality is tough, it is necessary for growth. I need to work on letting go of the past because I cannot and will not let that self destructive behavior continue to control my life. I have been quit nearly 3 day and these last three days have been better than any 3 consecutive days of gambling. I say consecutive because there were many days of gambling that were great. The big win! The days were all the bets are spot on and I’m a genius. Only to wake up the next day, thinking I cannot lose and sure enough everything from the day prior is wiped out. What a deflating feeling; and guess who gets that taken out on them? That’s right, my family. People that need me and count on me are only getting the “worst of me” due to my addiction. Those good days are so far and few between.
Wile these past 3 days have been very good, I have kept myself busy and tried to keep my mind on the moment. Soaking in every second and not allowing my brain to wonder off into that dark place. While I agree with most everything you said, Kin, I don’t think my gambling is triggered by money. I think my gambling is trigger by action. There were plenty of times I won 2,000 but couldn’t stop. It wasn’t about the money. It was about the action. It was about the thrill, the highs and the lows. Needless to say, it’s a rollercoaster ride I don’t want to be on any longer.
Today will be another busy day without placing that next wager. That’s my focus. Not the past, not the “what coulda been” but the moment, right not, not reopening that account and making a wager which will in turn change my life and who I really am. NOPE! Not TODAY!
