[angie73]

Hi,
this is my first post. I guess I have hit rock bottom again. I am a compulsive gambler. I never win because i put everything back into the machine again. It is frustrating that i have gotten to this stage. I have lost all control over my gambling and along with that comes the shame and guilt as well as the financial hardship. I hope i can get the support I need here as I don’t have anyone to support me in the real world. I am not ready to share my problem with friends or family at this stage.

[angie73]

Feeling really anxious, cant stop thinking of what i have done/lost. how i can get out of this hole i am in. the feeling of being alone is at times overbaring. when i am with family, the shame and guilt is awful, they dont know what i am, and if they did, they wouldnt understand and be really judgmental towards me. its an awful feeling.

[Fritz]

It’s good that you have found this site, there are many people just like you and me on here that are fighting against an insidious debilitating disease called gambling. Take it a day at a time, use all the resources you can and find someone you can trust to manage your money for a while until you are stronger in recovery. Try GA meetings, they help. Also try the chat and group features of this site. You are not alone, take heart that you can get better with time and work.

[angie73]

Thanks Fritz, i appreciate your message. I am considering attending a GA meeting, but not sure on that yet. I am sill looking to see what it is about. I am starting with the online thing as that feels safe for me at the moment.

[angie73]

i have had such a long day, just reflecting and taking stock of what i am. i really am going thru a horrible day. reading posts of others gives some hope, but i am scared i wont be successful at it. I really really want to beat this, and i need to. i am too scared to tell any family (i am single so i mean my mum or sister- who would both be very harsh and unforgiving and lack any empathy). i think of them finding out and it causes anxiety. I wish i could tell them and still feel that everything would be ok, but i am not going to put myself in that position where they break me. i think all of you that have supporting family are so fortunate, i wish i had that.

[Liberty]

welcome to the site, it is great that you have found gambling therapy.
I understand what you are going through right now the feeling that you can’t bear the pain of no one to share this with, I spent far too many years keeping this addiction to myself, which created the perfect opportunity for the addict me to continue the gambling which is due to the. Fact problem gambling thrives on secrecy.
I recently told members of my family, I did it via email, they do live far away and I found that by writing I was able to explain my decline into gambling.
I understand that you do not feel ready for this right now, I know we are safe when we have no money to gamble, gambling free time gives us a chance to put blocks in place, I don’t know if you gamble in the physical world or online, which ever it is, we must in the early days make it impossible to gamble, it’s a long hard road but there are many people with the right support have achieved happy healthy lives again on this site.
Firstly, we need to limit the means to gambling once we can do that we can then start to look at the reasons why we gamble and all This takes time Angie.

We are all here listening to you and each of us while our stories maybe different, understand what pain you are in.
I hope to see you in one of the groups Angie, you are no longer alone with this.

[angie73]

thanks Liberty
for your words of encouragement. I used to go to gambling venues, but i then discovered online slot machines, and it has ruined me. there were no limits on what i could bet, there was no closing time, it was unrestricted in every way. i have no control, and now I have to rebuild my life. The shame, guilt, regret, and so many more emotions are enveloping me at the moment, but I hope this will pass. I really want to be rid of this, i have spent pretty much the last 24 hours looking, searching for answers and help on this and there doesnt seem to be that much available for cg’s. I am considering attending my first GA meeting, i am very scared about it, but then i think i have nothing left to lose, if i get something out of it- fantastic, if i dont, i will need to keep searching.

[Dunc]

<

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Liberty]

I say go for the GA meeting, I have been in the past and I remember that first time of walking into that church hall, (petrified no voice just a croak) had a bit of difficulty finding it so was a little late so the meeting had just started, everyone looked up was probably about 14 people in the room, I asked if this was the Gamblers anonymous place (prob hardest question I ever asked a group of people)They pulled a chair for me, they were warm, friendly and welcoming. There really is nothing to be afraid of Angie, nothing is as scary as living the life of a problem gambler.

[Dunc]

Sorry the group closed, I was just trying to squeeze one line in…. Ive linked you to Kathryn, Kathryn came here many years back and hasnt gambled since… shes also In Australia so she may have the information about self exclusion without going to the clubs… but most of all she is inspirational https://www.gamblingtherapy.org/en/believe-new-thread

[angie73]

So whilst i am gambling free since sunday, I am of the opinion it is because i have no $ to spend, so the waiting begins for payday. I have no plan to gamble. When payday comes around this week, the money is to go straight to the debt, its all set up to be instant transferred, with minimal available for the basic living expenses to get me thru to the next one. So thats the waiting, the waiting to break thru that first pay, to prove to myself that it can be done, the gambling is done with. It doesn’t serve any purpose but to bring me down, its not for winning but for punishing myself. Its time to treat myself in a positive way, i deserve better, and wont let myself damage my life. Here is the future, the past is done, it is a memory, a reminder, a lesson to improve myself and in the end, with my change, the past will have good memories,reminders and lessons to carry me forward. No regrets.

[I_Maverick]

Hi Angie

That is a wonderful post and something that could have been written by me. I am currently overwhelmed by what I have to do to shut my beloved business down, but I know it must be done if I am to recover.

I wish you all the luck and love in the world, I know you can do it.

All my love

Mav

[angie73]

thanks, I have been reading thru your posts, and whilst that overwhelming feeling is there for you, I can sense that you have the determination to beat this, and get back on track. The business seems to be something you love, imagine how much more you can enjoy it when gambling isnt taking away your joy. Gambling is a thief of our money, time, and emotions. It hurts us and our loved ones. If it was a person, it would be the worst person to know and we would avoid them, but it is not, it is an illusion that takes away the happiness we all deserve.

[I_Maverick]

Hi Angie

You are so right. It isn’t the money we lose, but ourselves. The sheer act of gambling steals our lives, because it becomes all consuming. We are playing intensely, more intensely than we work or do anything else. When we are up we are elated, but when we lose we are disconsolate. And regardless we gamble more – we lose our winnings and lose more trying to get it back. All for a short lived, evil buzz. I knew when I was gambling last year it was destroying my soul, and yet I couldn’t stop. I wasn’t working, projects were sliding, my contact with clients decreased, I wasn’t planning for the future. I am very sick – all I think about is gambling and the effects it has had on me. I cannot focus at all.

Thanks for your note. It means a lot.

Good luck.

mav

[angie73]

So i have just woken up to a new day. My first thought was what am I going to do today? And I had no idea. Which is probably something I need to look at. So then my thoughts went on. What would I do If i had some money behind me, and then it occurred to me. What I have done, in the past would of been … I got some money- go gamble, why? to keep me away from the things in life that can change me. I am a loner, an isolator. What better way to do this to myself than to get rid of my money so I don’t go out into the world and let people see me. The gambling feeds my insecurity, my loneliness and takes away any chance of change. If gambling didn’t involve taking money would I do it… probably not, I. So what would i do if I had money, would it change my approach to myself? or would I look at another way to sabotage myself. I thought about times where I wasn’t gambling, and what I did. So if I wasnt gambling, had some cash, I would probably go out on benders with friends. I don’t enjoy trashing my body that way, but I have done it many a time, and afterwards the same ugly emotions surface. So again, I don’t gamble, I don’t trash myself, what do I do? well for now, i keep digging into my thoughts and look for the root of the problem. I don’t want to substitute gambling for another self destructive action.

[I_Maverick]

Hey Angie

It’s been a few days since your last post. How are you doing? Have you had any joy with GA or with banning and self excluding? I hope you have managed to get some gamble free time as that always helps.

Let us know, we are here for you

Mav

[angie73]

Hi mav,
i am doing ok. no gambling, haven’t self excluded, just using the onlline blocking- really helps, feeling ok about it too. i do get the urge every now and then (even dream about it a few times), but when the urge hits, i remind myself how it makes me feel- and that seems to work. I have been getting back into exercise too which helps. I hope you are doing well, i have been reading your posts, and I know you have a lot of love and support from everyone here .

[I_Maverick]

Great to hear you are doing well. I am struggling but I will get there.

[Fritz]

Hi Angie, funny how it can be so hard to figure out what to do with ourselves. Its great that you are thinking of doing something non destructive, but I understand its not the easiest thing to figure out the question, what now?

Iknow It is hard to reach out, to take a chance, but maybe try a GA meeting and talk with one of the members? Or perhaps you have a hobby or talent or interest you haven’t tried out for a while? Not sure if you have Meetup online where you are to join a group of some kind. After gambling so long I have found it hard to break the pattern and try something new as well.

Anyway, its great you are thinking about it, something good is bound to come about if you keep looking and keep trying.

[angie73]

Still checking in and reading a lot of the posts by everyone. I havent gambled, and although i still get urges and thoughts, I am trying to push them aside and tell myself that I wont go back. I have had enough of the gambling taking away my opportunities of happiness and kindness to myself. I want a future i am proud of, that I create for me and not have it taken by the chasing of losses. its time to cut it loose and reclaim myself.

[p]

Hey well done on the blocker for your computer, if you can exclude from places then do so now so that it doesnt get the chance to take hold when you get urges..
It is good that you post here your feelings. Have you tried the chat groups here they are a lot of help and its good to connect up with people from all over the world going through the same thing.. well done.. a day at a time

P

[gov3]

Firstly welcome to this site and congratulation to you . We are all on the same boat . I can’t tell me family at all as my mother will not for give me I once told her few years ago she nearly disowned me . My last boyfriend dumped me because I had this problem hi just didn’t want to help me instead said I don’t want a life with a gambler .
I recently told my current boyfriend over a date night out and he was drunk that’s the only time I had the courage to tell him and he was amazing about it . He now has control over my money and where it goes .
You are in a better position as you are single and have no one dependant on you hence why it will take you quicker to come out of your debt satiation .
So don’t beat yourself up what’s done is done future is waiting for you .
Sit down and think what makes you want to gamble is it because you are bored got no friends or you want more money to but nice stuff what is it that makes you want to gamble asses that and than explain to your mind that gambling is not going to fulfil this .
If you haven’t got allot of friends than find ways to meet new people ga meting will be great way to meet people .
You can write how you feel here as we are all here to help each other .
You can win this addiction but only you can decide and you can set up your road to recovery no one can force you .
I started a diary and this is the best thing I done as I love recording my progress and makes me want to keep it up for the whole year and than another and another .
Remove the access to gambling cut up your cards .
If you want to do this all on your own than cut the cards , take your self off from online gambling and open a cash card account and have your direct debits coming out of there this is the only way you can stop temptation as it’s going to bug you . You may get urges , nightmares and all sorts be ready for this .
Good luck
Don’t forget you won big because you did stop

[angie73]

Hi P,
i have been in a couple of chats, but not many. The timing is a bit tricky for me, but when i have been in, i have gotten a lot out of them. they are a great help. I havent self excluded from any physical places, I don’t see it as a problem, nor do I have any desire to go into them. I remember the last time I was in one, and I took a good look around, I saw a room of people like me – chasing a false dream of a win that will never come, that will never be enough. i didn’t like what i saw…. i guess that what got me with online- no physical reminders no mirroring of people. a hidden nightmare.
But, I have woken up from that. Facing my reality. Its hard, very hard,but i know we can all overcome it. I am glad i found this place to connect , learn and share this journey back to finding ourselves again. All is not lost, we all have hope and a future.

[angie73]

thanks for your post.
i have shut down the online accounts, placed a blocker on the computer , and constantly reminding myself that i do not gamble. If i was able to tell myself before that i needed to gamble, i cant see why i cant tell myself I don’t. I am aware the temptations will always be there, but I hope I can get myself strong enough to see them as unnecessary distractions to my future self. We live in a world that has become full of instant gratification in most ways. Like, you need to have this, the latest that, the newest model, but its just like what gambling was … its never enough, so, I am simplifying myself. Can i function without gambling- absolutely. I did yesterday, I did today, and I will tomorrow. Its not instant, but it will last.

[gov3]

You have great attitude and sound very strong however be cearfull . All the people who are addicted to gambling tend to be strong characters who have had great control in their lives before and done very well in life these are the people they target . From what I read since been here I realised this that gambling companies are targeting the wealthy the working class to make us their slave as we are the once who want to win big and make allot of money so we do to have to work and so on .
It’s great you have a very positive attitude keep it up and you will succeed one you have all the temptation removed you will just fight the urges and nightmares and they do get better. Good luck x

[angie73]

ahh, thought I was doing so well. So confident in myself. Then this weekend happened. First weekend I have been out drinking, and then the remorse of the hangover got to me. This is my weakness. The anxiety of a hangover, led me to accessing online gambling on a borrowed computer. From there, I went on to create even more anxiety. I lost (of course), not a fortune, but enough to raise the anxiety level to that old familiar level. I guess I have found a trigger, and upon reflection, that would be a common time for me to gamble, after an evening on the booze. The following day, going thru the feeling of remorse, knowing I over drank, trying to recollect if I made a fool of myself, searching for something to give me a feeling of numbness. Well I am disappointed in myself. If I can take anything out of this, I know I need to be even more aware of my actions and reactions, thoughts and emotions.
Back to Basics.

[angie73]

I wish sometimes there was a quick fix for this, but there isn’t. It took a long time to get to the position I got myself in, it will take a long time to get out of it. I still have urges, they come, but they also go. So slowly does it, each day as it comes, each day as it passes is another day that I can say I am gamble free.

[jennaraye88]

I have just read through your thread and like many people on here I can relate to every word. I am also a slave to the dreaded online slot. Those secret spins that send us into a world of ups, downs, elation, depression, excitement, desperation… All within the space of hours or even minutes.

I too made a promise to myself that I would stop. Several over the last 5-6 years in fact. But have continued to binge every now and then and continue to feed the downward spiral.

I think it was gov that said this illness feeds on those that society would not expect to be vulnerable; the successful, confident, driven, control freaks of the world! And whilst this probably describes me quite well (outside of my regular gambling binges) I know that anyone can be vulnerable to the grips of this addiction.

Whilst it is very important to take one day at a time, I have found it also helps me if I try and make a plan. Something to remind me that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. I have set up a spreadsheet detailing my monthly pay and all my bills for the next 6 months, and whilst I still won’t be anywhere near debt-free, I should be able to perhaps treat myself to a break away or a little shopping spree. It’s keeping me going for now.

I think I saw you say that you used to like to keep fit? Perhaps you can do some research and set yourself a weekly training plan that you can do from home. The benefits of this are many: using time productively, keeping body and mind healthy – and it’s free!!

Just some suggestions for you 🙂

Thinking of you my fellow rollercoater rider; we can a will beat this!

[angie73]

Very true about keeping the body and mind healthy. It really can affect your mood by eating well and getting some exercise. Sometimes going the easy way by getting take out and sitting on the couch feels like a good idea, but it is just another way of feeding the negative parts of yourself. I do find that when I put some effort into my eating and plan some activity to get me off the couch, emotionally I feel stronger, and that helps keep the gambling thoughts away, or at least the strength to push them aside. There are so many things we can do to help ourselves, and by being kind to ourselves emotionally and physically can assist with the battle we all have with this.

[p]

It sounds like the drinking is a trigger for you.. can you maybe avoid drinking for a while if it endangers your recovery.. also there are blockers for your computer if you could install or reinstall, K9 or betfilter, netnanny. Start over and give yourself the chance to recover… just for this day dont gamble. .. can you grab onto some more support, GA meetings, excluding from places.. counselling? Keep posting, maybe attend the groups here or talk on the one on one helpline..

P

[I_Maverick]

Hey Angie, how are you doing? I’ve been off the site as I focused on my recovery, and while I am long way from real or true recovery I am starting to sense what that means for me. How are you doing, it’s a few weeks since your last post. I pray to my higher power to throw a shrimp on the barbie and enjoy for amber nectar down under to give you the strength you needs.s All my love. M

[angie73]

Thanks Mav for your post. i didnt see it until just now. kicking myself about that… as you know i had a binge yesterday and now going thru the emotions again. We all know that feeling… we all dread it and do what we can to avoid it. This time feels the same as last time and the time before that and so on, but I do not understand why I keep doing this to myself. A clear mind in a few days may give me some clues, but for now i must go through the self loathing, feeling sick about what I have done, and as i have read on other peoples post, re arranging numbers to get thru the next few weeks. I let myself down and on top of lifes dramas I now have this as well. I think i have said it before, but it is cruel how I punish myself by gambling, i get 1 step ahead with getting back on track and then take 7 back, feel sorry for myself, look for help that i should of sought before gambling urge took over. I NEED TO TAKE THE BLINDFOLD OFF AND SEE WHAT IS IN FRONT OF ME. There is support here for me and I should use it more, even when i am feeling ok. complacency is the problem today. i was not focused on my recovery but on my destruction. There was no obvious trigger for me, just opportunity- bad opportunity. So, day 1 again. I will not count the days, I will use the phrase others are using, I WILL NOT GAMBLE TODAY. and if i can do that…..

[I_Maverick]

Don’t beat yourself up, that’s counter-productive. I learned that myself. Someone once told me that recovery is a constant state of relapse. meaning that as you give up your [eriods of abstintence between gambling get longer. That was the case for me. each relapse remids you of why you need to stop. And one day you will stop for good.

Note the date. ***** the days. Every 7 days reward yourself for not gambling. Go to GA. Remind yourself why you want recovery. WHy do you want to stop gambling. Each day you do not gamble is a GREAT day.

You can do it. Stick around, talk to us if you have no one else. You can find my email address on my website.

http://www.neathfilms.com

They will take that down so make a note of it. Email me directly if you want, I will always respond. I have only done so well because of the support I have and because I am learning the power of honesty. I am also getting a kick from not gambling, from looking for recovery.

I have o go now as my battery is low as I sit outside drinking fresh lemonade. If my battery goes the computer will need a password which only my brother (who is in Germany) and my mum (who is 150 miles away) have. I do not want it. I need my barriers otherwise I might gamble. And I do not want to gamble.

You will do it this time, I feel it in my water.

Good luck and have a great night

Mav

PS, great to see you again. Don’t just come back when you relapse, stay around here tpoPREVENT relapse.

[angie73]

once again, thanks Mav, your support and others is invaluable. i will take your advice, post in the good times and the bad. it can only help.

[angie73]

Remember this feeling.
If a next time comes around, where you want to gamble and have access, stop and read this.
The fact is, you wont win and you wont stop.
The sick feeling will be overbearing, the cold sweat of anxiety, sleepless nights, racing mind, shaking with fear, churning stomach, the shame and guilt, self disgust, your good future even further out of reach than the last time. Its not worth it. Instead, read this, remind yourself how you felt the last time you gambled. Do you want that feeling? It will happen, that’s a certainty. Do something else, go for a walk, have a nap, cook, eat and read your posts. You can get through this. Prove yourself to be emotionally connected and positively strong willed.

[Smee707]

I have read through your full thread today and just wanted to introduce myself and join you as we both fight this disease. Unlike most my problem has only been around for 4 months. But in the last 4 months I have completely ruined my life.

I played online blackjack every now and then and would walk away when up £20 or down £20 until one night when I emptied my bank account on one of the sites. I was down £20k and continued over the next few days to withdraw my ISAs and savings. I won back all my losses and still continued to throw it all back into the sites which were just taking advantage of my disease.

I moved to London and got £2.5k for selling my car. Money which I promised myself i would keep as an emergency fund to cover rent and stuff. This weekend, I don’t even know how it started, I lost it all. I have no money and will be waiting for pay day to pay my rent and buy food.

I’ve gone from being 25 and having £50k savings, a degree and a good job. To this broke guy who doesn’t want to go out and socialise anymore. I’m terrified of telling my mum because she has worked so hard for her money and would be so disappointed.

I wil keep revisiting this post and hopefully together we can remain gamble free and enjoy the rest of our lives. I think we both have to accept that life won’t be great for the next 1 or maybe 2 years because of our finances. But if we act now we can make sure the rest of our lives are enjoyable and happy.

Smee707

[angie73]

Thank you for posting and sharing your story. I too as you may have read am not able to share my burden of gambling with family. I also struggle with trying to understand how I get sucked in by my thoughts to gamble. I have gamble free days or weeks, and then I somehow have my guard down, an opportunity arises and I am back at the bottom again. I have blockers on my pc, which have worked great- cant gamble. But on 2 occasions now I have had access to tablets, which i used to gamble on. So, after this weekends set back, I again am going to have to find a way to get thru for a couple of pays. But that is just the tip of the problem, it will take a couple of years to clear the debts. I know people say you should be honest with someone you trust and share the problem, but I truly do not have anyone who I could trust this with, so i do it here.
So Smee, lets do it together, lets not gamble, keep posting and sharing our way forward, good days and bad.
take care.

[vera]

A line from your post struck me Angie. “It will take a couple of years to clear the debts”.
I went back to work after a 19 year career break ( not an easy move. I was 52!). IF I had followed the advice I was given then I would have been debt free in a couple of years. Suffice to say I did it “my way”. It back fired big time. Fast forward and I find myself years later having taken early retirement on ill health grounds and in very deep *hit.
The ONLY thing I can do now is STOP GAMBLING.
The irony of it all makes me laugh but it’s not a happy laugh….
Stop NOW, Angie when you have the chance. If I had put as much effort into not gambling as I did into gambling I would not only be debt free but I can say honestly that my health would be a hell of a lot better than it is. Gambling betrays us when we betray ourselves.
Why are you self destructing?

[angie73]

Why am I self destructing? I don’t know, I mean it is obvious that’s what I am doing, but the why is so hard for me to see or face. Fear of success, fear of being able to see I am worthy of something good, perhaps. Maybe over time as I post more, I will be able to see something about myself, or even others will see what I cant, good and bad. The debt, that’s a big thing, that is the obvious issue that I have to work on, but it is not the cause. How did I get into debt? I gambled. Why did I gamble? That is what I really need to work on, and I am learning things about myself. I don’t want to betray myself Vera, but I have done. I want to do more than stop gambling, I also have this thing where I tell myself don’t gamble, and sometimes i catch myself laughing at myself, calling myself a fool for even thinking I can stop. Who do I think I am…
I don’t know, but I am going to find out. I will shut down that part of me that mocks me. I have to stop hurting myself.

[angie73]

So this evening I have been listening to an old meditation/relaxation recording I had on my phone. I forgot I had it, and I forgot how relaxing it makes my mind. Another tool to use to help with challenging thoughts. Will try and keep doing this.

[angie73]

Be kind to yourself, but do not mislead yourself with false hope, rewards or promises. Be realistic. Yes, be kind to yourself, but be firm as well. There is no “just a little bet” you know this. little leads to a little bit more, more , more. Stand up to yourself and challenge those thoughts that try and mislead you. You know there is no winning – ever. As soon as you bet you have lost. As soon as you overcome those thoughts, you are a step closer to another moment, another day without gambling and renewing hope. Be kind, be firm.

[angie73]

make a list, make a plan, structure. organise the day, will help avoid the chaos than can come.

[vera]

Just wrote about my “Plan” on my own thread, Angie. Great minds think alike!
“Failing to prepare is preparing to fail!”

[angie73]

I like that quote Vera, I am going to use it at the top of my list. Thanks 🙂

[angie73]

One thing I have noticed is that my posts are generally after a binge. I have read many posts by others, and realized even when people are doing well in their recovery, they still post and offer support and encouragement to others. These posts by other people have been tremendous in giving me hope, ideas and techniques to begin to overcome this, so I thank you.

[vera]

I guess that’s what Support Groups are for, Angie! To pass on what we learn so that others can use the same essential tools that we find helpful. When we stop using those aids we fall down.
Awareness is the key.
Lots of GT users post regularly on their own threads and others’. Even though I’ve been coming here a long time, I still love seeing a post in my “box”!
‘Nice to be remembered!

[p]

Just to let you know i am also from Australia.. i hope that things are going well for you today.. regarding self exclusion in Australia.. if you are in Victoria or NSW self exclusion is easy peasy, they have a good system there.. if you are in QLD im afraid the process is near impossible but you could ban your faves i guess.. Which state are you from? If you are in a lucky state that offers blanket self exclusion from an area i would suggest jumping with both hands and grabbing this opportunity, i wish i had it..

P

[p]

Oh and i think in WA they dont even have pokies so i have heard, how good would that be.. accept maybe one casino which you can ban from

P

[angie73]

thanks for asking, things are ok, keeping focused on each day and task I set for myself. I’m not one to venture into the clubs or pubs, haven’t done so for a long time, it was the online sites that I struggle with. I have website blocker on my pc, so i cannot access them. The 2 slip ups I have had in recent months were when I had access to another computer/tablet…. expensive lesson learnt… a million excuses as to why I gambled/ none will change the fact that I did. So, I have a choice, a choice not to throw away my future for a few hours of distraction/ numbness or whatever it is that happens when I gamble and this is the choice I need to make every day. I will wake up and choose to be me, whatever that is, happy, sad, indifferent.

[angie73]

A struggle today, feeling low, overwhelmed, yes it will pass, but sometimes looking at the mountain of a mess my life is gets me down. but i cant climb the mountain in one step… little by little one way or another.

[vera]

I hear you Angie!
Low moods seem to be part and parcel of this dreaded Gambling Fiasco.
We can’t remove that mountain but we can take actions to reduce it’s size . I know when I look at the strides I have made in debt repayment over the past ten years, it gives me hope for the future.
If I dwell on the size of that debt(mountain) plus all the other Damage, I have done I would be totally overwhelmed.
Today, I’m going to follow Maverick’s suggestion and set out 5 (very) simple achievable tasks.

[angie73]

thats a good idea Vera setting some achievable tasks. I am really finding it hard even to do the basic things, or avoiding them… sought of a reflection of myself in a way. I think one of the things I am so down on myself about is that I just feel like a complete failure, and I know people will say don’t be so hard on myself, but it is something I struggle with. I should of/ could of done so much with my life, instead I chose the self destruction path. I fear conflict, but i am most conflicted with my thoughts. I am my own worst enemy at times.
Well, its a new day, lets see what life can give me today, a better day I hope. I will only get out of it what I put in… so I propose to put on a happy face and smile at the world. It will get better.

[lizbeth4]

Hi Angie. Sometimes when we are feeling low, we have to lower our expectations of ourselves and just accomplish a few things during the day. I understand what you are saying about feeling like a failure. You are not a failure. You are a CG. It took me a long time to realize that I had a disease. You still have the rest of your life before you. Make the best of it! Keep seeking support. Have a great day!

[p]

I hope you are well today, it’s hard thinking of the past and what could have been. That’s why I love the serenity prayer in GA. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
I think a few months after stopping gambling our minds are processing, when we gambled, we suppressed all the feelings. Later everything rises to the surface and kind of gets jumbled around for a while, well it did for me. It took some time to see clearer. Life has its ups and downs without gambling, but it’s different. Not having the nagging obsession helps life a lot more. Wishing you well Angie. Just for this day don’t gamble, your past is gone. Today is here I hope it’s a good day for you, if it’s not that’s ok it will get better, the bad days are temporary as is the gambling urges… Keep going you are doing great

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[vera]

Thinking of you, Angie.
Give us an update when you can.
Cheers!

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