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Please remember we are all friends here no matter what you did or are going to do.We have all been where you are right now. A lot of us will offer suggestions and advice some of it you may like to listen to and some not . We will try to tell you what has helped us get better. My heart goes out to you . I dont post on here very much. But I read most of the posts and can relate to them because it hits you right in the gut and some of the things that I read about help me very much. Peace be with you my friend. We will all be praying for you.