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#26068
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Ishtirokchi

I know what you mean about having no choice in addiction.. i have a choice now but i dont feel i had one for many years.. the power of the addiction was actually far too strong for me to be able to listen or even find where reason or logic was.. If the choice had been there i would have stopped straight away.
Now i have a choice, only because now after putting in a massive amount of effort into recovery, attending meetings every week, counselling, getting in touch with people if the urge hits, now there is a choice but i didnt always have that.. i do now though, so for me now.. i have thinking time when i get urges, they are few now but i had the fight for years and years..
I know when i was in the middle of addiction it was the hardest thing on this earth for me to fight. I didnt get it, i couldnt, till i reached a place of pain and a relapse that was so devastating.. it kind of put me into wanting recovery more than wanting to gamble.. that switch flipped for me but only after being here since 2009. All the advice helps because it stays in our minds but its not what necessarily works at the time when we still have that insane obsession overpowering us.. i think when i found surrender then i found acceptance and i cant see how anyone would have made me find it but there were positive influences and the advice helped its just accceptance for me came via rockbottom.
Hope this makes sense.. when i say we i guess i should say me but thought i would just say how it was for me and i really get that its so easy to give advice when in recovery, it was not easy by any means in addiction..

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