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today i sat down and looked at the postives 

1) I still have a decent  job , but this will be lost if i continue to underperform due to gambling

2) I didnt take out any loans or owe nething , This will change if i gamble again, im hoping at the end of the month i dont blow everything again. i keep telling myself i will not

3) im still young (30) and in good health 

SO now i just need to occupy my time in a healthy way, and avoid that one day of relapse, because all it takes for me throw away eveything on ONe or two binges…. ive started running today.. However i have been underperforming seriously in my work , my boss has started to recognise , He asks me everyday if im on drugs because i Look zoned out all the time…. yes sometimes i loose concentration due to my depression and reflecting on the losses….  I NEED to get back on top of my job… its all i have left… Keep the advice comming.. Becaue from tommorow if im not back ontop of things.. my boss will evetually ship me out… ALL i could think about is failing tommorow due to lack of concetration …