[marla]

I hate this person I’ve become. A fly-by-nighter, where GT has become a fair-weathered-friend, except in my case it’s more of a bad-weathered-friend since I only really come when I»m down and then leave when things are looking up again.
Well I dont think I need to go into the gory details as many of you will remember me. For those that don’t I joined this forum maybe 3 years ago now and since then I’ve had some successes quitting gambling, but lets be frank here, it’s been far more gambling than »not». And for the benefit of anyone that’s new I’ll also say that please please stop now. What they say is true. IT DOES GET WORSE. PROGRESSIVELY WORSE. You think you found your rock bottom which is why you came to this site, well there’s many more rock bottoms believe it. CG will make you do things that you never even imagined you would/could do. ANd it happens quickly too, you think you’re far from that kind of destruction, well you’re not. I»ve only been gambling for 5 years in total, ever. Not just CG but in 5 years I’ve got from regular gambler to pit of hell lost everything especially my dignity… cg through and through. CG makes you do things you never even thought you would do. I haven’t stolen YET but only because I»m not savvy enough to know a good way to steal things without getting immediately caught. Believe me if I had the idea, and the opportunity, I would have stolen. So yeah. I hate myself.

Last night I spent what was left of my pay, including a significant amount that was owed to my best friend, and she desperately needs it too. The night before I»d spent the other part of my pay, and i left with something at least. Unfortunately I missed the last bus and had to spend $45 in a cab to get home. So last night after that huge loss I was aware of the bus and subsequent taxi expense but I coulnd’t tear myself away even though i only had a few dollars left on me and i was betting 7-14c a spin…(nothing to me). I rushed out the door when i realised the time but the bus was pulling out just as i was getting there. I’d missed the last bus again. And now i didn’t even have any money for a taxi. i was maybe 40minutes on a bus from my house, so it’s far. It’s midnight. I have no choice but to start to walk home. This is a new city, i don’t know it well, and its planned quite oddly where you can’t just follow the main street to the centre. There’s a lot of park lands and roads that go into a circle and blah blah. anyway i got stupidly lost, i had no idea where i was , it was the middle of the night, quite scarey, no one was around, which i suppose was a good thing except i was stupidly lost i did this massive walk only to find about 2 hours later i’d come in a long circle. I think i cried a little then. IT was also freezing cold and i didn’t have appropriate shoes on for walking.
I finally made it to the city, which is another 15km from my house, so i started to walk there, but the walking track was dark and there’s a big block of bush in between the city and my suburb and since i’m new here i dont even know the way but i started walking on this bike track that had a sign to my area, and it was darker and darker, and i walked past a construction site, and i could hear a loud bang, and i just knew someone was there. but i kept walking anyway (it’s 4am or so by this point) and next thing i know i hear the alarm go off. crazy loud sirens. that scares me cause i know that whoever in there is going to come running in my direction to get away. which they did. a guy on a bike. scared the absolute crap outta me but he was quite nice saying i really shouldn’t be out here alone cause its dangerous, and i knew he was right , it was dangerous , i mean he was just robbing that place and now he’s talking to me! ….well anyway he kinda wanted to »walk» with me but i didn’t want to cause it felt even more unsafe and eventually he left. Anyway i walked for another hour or so but then realized i was going to get stupidly lost again as i didn’t know where to go so i turned around to walk back towards the city and finally found it at 6am. so i spent 6 hours walking through the city in the middle of the night, im a small woman only 160cm and 45kg. it’s not safe but i had to do that because i cg’d all my money. that’s not even my lowest point. but i just feel **** about this whole thing so i’ wanted to type it in here. MY legs are still hurting right now from it.
hopefully i can come back.
Larry(paul) i know you mean well but please don’t trawl through my old threads and quote me saying that »this is it» or »im done with gambling» or whatever else you may find salient from my posts. I don’t find it helpful. I am well aware I’ve said it all before, and yes i know i’m a loser because i say **** and then don’t stick to it. i don’t need you to remind me of that even though i know you’re just trying to help. Please don’t do it though it makes me very uncomfortable.

[Muallif]

Xabarlar