Last 2 weeks..
One absolut strange situation was that morning 2 weeks ago, i sat down in bus to work, and there was a mother of a girl which was a classmate of my brother at 16 and he liked her very much that time. She once was at home by my brother and that day my father saw her there. A little bit time after that he started a relationship with her- that might be not the best idea, but still not so bad like the shit he did to her. My father is an ingenieur and an architect, at that time he built a brothel in germany (he always was strange)
And the mother told me, her daughter told her totally under tears, that my father convey her to this brothel at age 17 (!) And told her she can use the “good money for less work” to finance her father a good hospice cause her father had cancer that time. (Wtf)
Out of the bus i wrote my father a massage with all that in it, and asked him what happend that time.
His answer was “she was just a little slut, which did everything for cocaine..”
My reaction to this was,”do you understand the problem her mother might have? Or the thousands of problems she still have, like drug addiction, schizophrenia and so on..? Cause she was really desorianted in her youth??
Like myself (!?)
Then he said, thats the guilt of her parents- my thought was (“fuck you look at me, and your guilt”) but i didnt say that. After back and forth he said he is responsible for all that shit what the mother told. And he is sorry for that. After this i really asked me, what do i really want from this guy? Is there a chance to find a father in such a man? Today i’m still not sure about the answer..
But the situation increased my critical thinking of man in general. I had a lot of problems to start relationships with man in my past, i thought i never will get it right. I was lesbian about 12 jears of my life, cause it all has to do with your parents. This situation now trigged some “manhate” in me- so that my boyfriend was really shocked why i look so bad at him.
There are a few deep problems which i havent seen jet in myself..