Hi everyone,
Thanks for the messages of support. That’s why I love this place. It is so awesome to hear from Vera, Happy, Charlster, Liberty, Velvet and to read the new stories. This place is working for me.
I just got back from the only meeting of GA in Stoke, 15 miles from my parents house. The journey there was a real trip down memory lane, and I even drove past my dad’s old Cinema, and saw places I used to hang out. I even got lost driving home thorugh the back country roads.
I met nice guys at the meeting, only 6. It was in a church hall that was also a children’s nursery. So very apt I thought a great metaphor as gambling addiction turns us all into children.
I enjoyed the meeting, reading the book, sharing and listening to therapies. I really like GA. That’s my first GA for 3 weeks exactly, but I am in such a different place than I was. GMA, even though I didn’t complete the course, has meant so much. The build up, the packing, the moving of my stuff out of the family home. I am now homeless, which is liberating. Being at the family home on my own is lovely as it is a big house, a freezer full of food, I did a shop for fresh food. Big garden, fields all around, countryside. This is obviously meant to be.
Got a lot of organising to do tomorrow, making plans day by day, a bit at a time.
Just for today I will not try to fix my whole life problem at once.
At the GA meeting we read the book almost cover to cover, whereas at my meetings in London we jump around. There was one new guy who looked shattered, just lost loads, been gambling for 15 years. I reccomended GMA to him. The guy who took the meeting went to GMA 10 years ago in Beckenham – he was clean for 8 years or so when a family trauma set him off again. He is just off a relapse 10 days ago where he almost lot a lot but ended up evens – but was mentally shattered afterwards. I know that story.
I am going to try and catch up on all the old guard’s stories and also get to know the new members, and contribute where I can.
I want to say how good it feels to be posting again. GA and GT are what I need obviously. I am of course sad not to be at GMA, but that’s been decided for me and I must accept it and I do.
End of day 54 – can’t wait for 6 days time I get a new keyring at my GA in London for 60 days. 30 more days for 3 months – I am loving this recovery. I have said it before and I will say it again – abstinence is not recovery. I intend to be in recovery for the rest of my life, and slowly over time the gambling will become a memory – but i will always remember that I can never be cured. I am and always will be a compulsive gambler – when I start I don’t stop until everything is broken. That is the cycle that needs to change.
Love to you all, sleep well peeps.
M