This is my first ever post. I am not sure what I am sharing is the correct content but here I go.

I started gambling at 22 years ago. Started with slots in Pubs and developed to amusements on a Friday pay day.

I then started with bookies and that little Irish Leprechaun hooked me. I would feed note after note into the machine hoping for the jackpot.

Then smart phones appeared and the rest is history.

In 2010 my gambling was that bad I had to file for bankruptcy. It wasn’t solely down to gambling but it certainly contributed.

Even after bankruptcy I continued to gamble. I met a girl and after a few years we got engaged. I would gamble daily, she never found out. It wasn’t until a few months before the wedding I suffered my first anxiety attack. I honestly thought I was dying. I came clean to my parents and told them of my gambling issue. They were great as they always are. Unfortunately I only disclosed a small part of the truth. Because I was so wrapped up in gambling and sneaking around financially I completely missed the struggles in my relationship. My fiance got up and left 2 weeks before the wedding. Looking back I now realise this was a result of gambling addiction.

I actually stopped gambling for a couple of years. I used GamStop. I started behaviour therapy for anxiety and things felt good for a while. I don’t know what happened….

I have my dream job, gorgeous partner and a child on the way. I can’t stop gambling. For the past 2 years I have gambled every penny. Even as I write this 3 days after payday I have gambled everything. I am constantly in a cycle trying to figure out how to afford the next day.

My partner and employers have no idea. My parents know a small part of the addiction. I’m tired of lying. I know if I don’t stop I will lose everything again.

I am determined to stop. I have again put blockers on my phone and will use distraction techniques to try and get away from gambling.

I am absolutely determined to stop this cycle. Not only for me but everyone who cares for me. I can’t continue lying…..