Hi Larry:
I contemplated your post and remember you speaking in the past about your relationship. I can only imagine the pain. I hope I am not overstepping my bounds, but is there any chance for any reconciliation with your children? Any attempts?
Charile mentioned to me the other day that there are two types of recovering GA’s. Those who talk the talk and those who walk the walk. I regret I have not always walked the walk. But you, you my friend, my brother, you are walking the walk. My compliments may not be much, but I am so proud of you and I know I am not the only one.
Is there anyway of attempting contact?
I was rejected from my children at times when they grew up. Still am at times. There would be times when my daughter would have and event and say it was no big deal or she didn’t want me to go, but I went as much as possible.
I came to a conclusion that was painful sometimes. This is strictly from my persspective for me.
I decided it is best for me to be there and be rejected at times, rather than not being there at all.
I am not saying by any means that this has or is a painless proccess, but it is something I did my best to do.
This was also something I told my kids mother when she made her first suicide attempt. She had changed and you could say she pursued things that non-verbally showed the kids that she had rejected them for someone or something else. Oh how I prayed for reconciliaton between her and the kids. I tried to be mediator. I ended up with both sides mad at me. I would have the girls mad at me for trying to foster communiation and getting more involved with their mother, and their mother accusing me that I turned the kids against them. I did no such thing. I tried telling her how much damage was done with their relationship and that reonciliation would take time, and if she would show constiancy there was a chance. Oh how I wanted to see that consitancy. I really did. She never stabalized and it never came. Suicide was the ultimate abandonment. I dont mean any disrespect to her, but that is what it was. Then I blindly walked down a road turning from my resposnsibilities.
All I know is wheter in my lifetime or after I pass, I hope they know I tried. I really am. I hope I was everything I was supposed to be when I pass.
One message I will leave my kids when that day comes is that I forgive them of any transgressions and do not hold any guilt. I will be in Heaven waiting for them. All of my family accepted Jesus as their Savior. This was always my wish if I had one wish. I want them to forgive me too. The son of God paid for my sins and yours over 2,000 years ago. And I honestly believe if it was only me or you who would accept him and be saved 2,000 years later, he still would have done it. I know this. From your posts and tones I suspect you have done this and taken this free gift of grace. If not, I wish you would. I would like to meet you in Heaven someday. No hurts. No worries.
Anway, I did not mean to type a long deep post. I hope and pray it has cuased you no pain. As long as you are alive, there is hope for reonciliation. It could happen. You have been getting yourself right for the past 8 months. I pray you are rewarded for that.
I just care about you. I hope I have not overstepped my bounds.
God Bless,
Cully21
