Day 27
Yesterday was a bit tough, that is why I am posting again.
There were many thoughts about going out and buying scratchcards and lottery tickets. Sport was on TV in the afternoon, I was flicking through channels and thinking about betting. Putting Gamban on my phone is one of the best decisions I have EVER made.
I turned the TV off, tried to read but nothing was really going in.
I got through though, I need to give myself credit for that, it can be done. Didn’t achieve much during the day but not too bothered now, at least I didn’t gamble.
Went out to buy some food, still in a bit of a daze about everything, looking at prices of things in the supermarket. It’s crazy how prices of things have increased recently. I haven’t had to worry about spend for a while, but now I am in a position where I have to be far more careful.
Cooked a nice meal, had a couple of beers and watched a movie with my son in the evening. He is at university and it was good to spend some time together.
Today I am going to go for a decent walk out in the fresh air, do some jobs, avoid sport on TV and be ready for when my partner returns from a weekend trip.
Next week start to get more into a routine. A bit of exercise in the early morning, work, a bit of relaxing time in the evening away from my phone, focus on shorter and longer term goals for my recovery.
Day by day, week by week and so on. No more slips. Going alcohol free for a couple of weeks before a wedding we are attending. Then will have some drinks there, but not go mad, check in with myself after every drink and know when to say no (this has always been a weakness, I need to be far more aware of my weaknesses, keep working on them, my complacency lets me down a lot of the time). Decided that I will only drink socially and try to be far more controlled now. Have more periods when I don’t drink at all. Drinking definitely contributed to my recent downfall, firstly when I drink too much I start feeling bad about myself, then I drink more because of this. Secondly a few drinks leads to losing discipline and then more chance of uncontrolled gambling.
I have to be more careful with my money now, maybe in a crazy way having blown a load of cash I can improve my lifestyle habits for the better.
Still been cutting back on the smoking, so this week I can ease that down more. Again I have to look at affordability.
Smoking or eating? I need to quit.
If in the future I could look back at recent events and think I finally turned things around and became a far more controlled and a better person because of what I have been through that would be quite something I think.
