I haven’t wrote here for awhile but my recovery is still in full force. I’m still working in a step group which has really helped me this year. My credit score went up finally last month and it felt like a victory after I completely destroyed it when I was in my addiction. One thing I try to keep reminding myself is that my recovery is not a race it’s something that is a slow progress of growth day by day. Some days are tougher that others but I get to choose how to overcome those in a more productive and manageable way. Sometimes it means alot of self talk and processing my emotions in a more healthy way. I’ve definitely learned most of my triggers which lead to my addictive tendencies. I think the most difficult one is when I feel alone, or afraid of the unknown. Basically anything that makes me feel less control really. Those are the times I have to fight myself alot to not want to numb myself out. The uncomfortable feelings are brutal and fighting myself to actually just stay present and feel it is most definitely a challenge. That being said there’s an immense power in being able to regulate your emtional state it’s one of the hardest things to do as a human I feel. Unless your a monk who has mastered that level of unconcious awareness and peace lol.
I just saw this qoute that was super awesome for anyone starting out and it said “people don’t change until staying the same is more painful.” That can’t resignate enough of what early recovery means. You reach a point where the pain of the addiction is more painful than the feelings/emotions your running from.