I was suffering from mental and emotional relapse before the rest.
I was tired and exhausted. My thinking and feeling were distorted.
My judgement was impaired, I was slipping into a relapse.
It was scary. My environment was the same but I was not the same.
I have struggle to do the same thing in every situation.
I have thought about what to gamble, how much to gamble, where to gamble and when to gamble.
This journal has enough updates for me to follow and do the same thing.
It has help me at the critical moment.
I have started to look elsewhere for good feeling but it has help pull me back.
This journal tells me, first thing first.
“…not to do other things now. I must recharge and restore my energy. Sleep and rest are my top priority now.”
It has help me switched back from relapse into recovery.
I have just woken up from a very long sleep.
My energy is fully recharge and restored.
My thinking and feeling is in good orderly direction and back to normal.
Nobody can understand what is happening to me unless they have the same problem.
If I am not careful, I can switch from recovery into relapse anytime.
I woke up not thinking or considering placing the first bet; not affected by the money in the bank; not going anywhere near danger or the gambling house; not going to use my free time for gambling related activities.
I was hungry, I went out for a meal and came home later to update this post.
I check my thought and feeling. I feel peaceful and calm now. My thought is stable and not restless or anxious. There was no fight between good and evil, right and wrong, no thought to gamble or not to gamble, no tug of war inside the head now.
hmm maybe it was the calm after the storm…I really don’t know.