Dear (((P)))! I know all about facades as I went around for many years with a big smile, and people thought I was so competent and had it altogether. When all the time I was dying inside of emotional pain. I felt shame for things that had been done to me and for bad choices I had made. I thought that nobody could help me, that nobody could ever understand my pain. I wouldn’t have asked for help if I was on fire! I was there for everyone but myself. It’s only when I started asking for help from professionals and showing my weaknesses and pain to others that I started to recover. You say you have no support from family, and I believe you. Family can be people that have no biological relationship to us. Family are the people that support and care about us, even if they are friends, professionals, etc. There were decades where I tried to get my mother’s approval and love, sadly only to realize that this was never going to happen, and I had to let that go. In emotional recovery, there is pain, but once we walk through that pain, there is so much freedom. I get lonely a lot but it sure is better than living in a situation that was very unhealthy for me emotionally. I now will not have people in my life that don’t treat me with respect and value. I am working on being a better person, but for me that doesn’t mean that I don’t put in emotional boundaries with others. I can’t fix everything about my life or myself all at once. I try and do it in baby steps so I don’t get overwhelmed. My relationships with my family of origin are on my terms now. I no longer feel that I have to help or fix everyone’s problems. (((P))) Ask for help, and keep putting one foot after the other, and you will get there. None of us ever arrive where everything in ourselves or our lives is perfect. That’s why it’s important to cut ourselves some slack. Progress not perfection. It’s easy not to gamble when we don’t have the money to do so. At some point you’re going to have money again. so you have time to come up with a plan on how you’re going to put barriers around accessing that money. Carole
