8 June 2023 at 10:31 am #177385librewolfParticipant
Hey, so I’m really proud of myself of creating this account and actually getting on a support forum. Because inperson therapy scares me and I always falsly thought I can handle this on my own.
I’m 29 and father of two boys, I absolutely love my family and everything we have managed so far. Gambling somewhat sneaked in. It really did change my life heavily. I had some previous experience mainly with online sport betting, but it was all fun. But last year, right after we signed a mortgage for our house, I took a small loan for said-house repairs. I made a mistake of trying an online roulette with it, and there it started a loop of me borrowing more money from friends, lying them about it, then borrowing from bank and paying friends off and waiting every month for salary to come to try my luck to “win it back” as it mostly sadly goes. This lasts since the last july untill now. I have accumulated a large personal debt which I am very scared of. I never told anyone. I would absolutely love to tell my wife because besides this one particular thing, we are very open and honest and it works very well. My dream is to build confidence to tell her one day. The reason I didnt is that the debt is so large I cannot imagine her not leaving me (and all my peers ever believing me again) and also because it broke my parents marriage. When I was 4, my dad gambled away all money, but he was also very mean because of it towards my mum, so it all accumulated to the divorce. And Im scared of it all and because of it, i made such a stupid decision to not to tell everyone and not get any help, only trying some self stuff like writing a fixed date, postponing urges, writing list of reasons why not-to and so on.
I also started a lot of mindfulness practices. Meditation and journalling feels like it helps, so im going to keep doing that. I also started mindlessly scrolling online memes/fun sites, just to fill the screen time with something else than roulette. Also I really want to say that my father and uncle play role in this as they actively sport-betted when I was 15 till 18 and spent a lot of time with them, and they were always like “never tell anyone about this” and “look how much this ticket got me”. Thats why I dont talk to both of them very often and noone in family really knows why.
Financially it starts to pop up even if i dont say anything because the debt payments are so large. My recovery plan is 1) help myself with communities like this and hopefully, in-person therapy in my country one day, 2) changing jobs – this i already managed, im starting at august at the new company as a programmer with almost a double salary. I got extremely lucky with this interview, I really do believe it was the universe giving me a try because it knew i’m fighting this. And im planning to still work for my current employer sometimes on remote position which ive negotiated, which would bring home even more money.
Those extra money I plan to stack and pay my debts one by one so i dont have to wait full 8 years.
I wanted this to sound rough as it is, but also powerful and proud and pumped as I am even just by writing this. It feels like you reading this and replying, the sense of fellow understanding, is a help i needed with me.
- This topic was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by Antonio. Reason: erasing quantity of money
8 June 2023 at 10:33 am #177461AntonioModerator
Welcome here and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums.
Coming clean and looking for help is a huge step and it takes a lot of courage so well done for realizing what you were doing and setting the means so you are able to stop.
Here at Gambling Therapy, we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum, you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum, so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group on Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
The Gambling Therapy Team
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