nomore 56

Hi Hopeful, I like your username, you have every reason to be hopeful! I think you are on the right path having made the decision to distance yourself from the addiction, especially for the kids. I wish I had done the same thing when I found out about my hb gambling. I decided that my marriage was over when he was convicted of embezzlement and sentenced to a yr in prison. Unfortunately we were not able to separate physically because of our financial situation. He, too, acted like it was all my fault, that I was the cruel one for not supporting him, blah, blah, blah. The addiction needs a safe place to run its course undisturbed. A place to come home to, a bed to sleep in, food, laundry done etc. Otherwise the person in its grip is inconvenienced. Let’s not change anything, let’s just pretend we can continue life as usual. Let’s make some promises, let’s mouth some lies and for heaven’s sake, no changes. That’s just the way I see it looking back now. I also think that maybe your hb got a first glimpse now of what the addiction is doing to him. Very uncomfortable indeed. So he tries everything he can to restore his comfort zone. Some sort of panic might set in and the fear that he has to face the ugly truth. If he can get u back, there is hope that he can have both, his family and his addiction. I still remember the ugly emails and phone calls I got at work. The feeling of anxiety and fear because he always kept me on the leash by threatening to take away the money I needed to survive with our daughter. And other things I could not risk, like my health insurance. Bad contact was better than no contact. Stay strong, block every number in the book and if you have to, limit contact to a divorce lawyer. Things will get better with time. When you have reached a point where you have peace of mind and can think more clearly, you will be able to withstand his “attacks” more confidently. Until then, everything that he says is just white noise. And as long as he makes no attempt to accept and fight his addiction, stay away. Anywho, just my point of view from where I stand now after decades of letting my life be destroyed piece by piece.