[jayson]

20 years gambling………10 years of anger , emotions, frustration , building up………..
I voulentered to do my theropy tonight in ga. Never done mine before………..
Do the right things and right things will happen……..10 years of keeping everything to myself came out tonight…..i broke down and cried like a big girly……but u know what i feel free, like theres more to life, more out there to discover and gambling isnt the only thing. x
Its an evil addiction that will take everything away from you, and when you reach "rock bottom" just remeber theirs always deeper depths to go.
Love and freindship to all who suffer gamblers and f+f.
Jay x

[velvet]

 
Hi Jay
Doesn’t sound to me like you cried like a big girly – sounds like you wept like a man.   It takes a man to come and write as you have done and I just wanted to say I am glad you did.  
Velvet

[paul315]

Originally posted by jayson

20 years gambling………10 years of anger , emotions, frustration , building up………..
 
… i broke down and cried like a big girly…..

Good evening Jay,
If these pages were written in ink instead of pixels, the words would be running down in streams. I think that we all, both us men, and the women, have shed many tears from time to time.
Enjoy the feeling of freedom, enjoy a more normal way of living.
God’s peed. Stay strong, manly strong even with the not-so-girly- tears. LarryThanks to my Higher Power, My 3G's – God, GA, and GT,  "Day Two Is Another Day Behind" and with the help from all I hope to continue to remain gambling free.

[Anonymous]

Very poignant words Jayson. It is so brave letting your feeling and emotions out and shared with others. You are a strong man my friend. I wish you strength and best wishes in fighting this eveil disease.

[Dunc]

Hey Jay
I read this and smiled. not because you cried, although I cried alot whilst in rehab… in my opinion this first time I believe you’ve embrassed recovery and not kept hold of the rollercoater of absinance.
You really should be so proud of yourself mate
H
Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.– 04/02/2013 12:10:00: post edited by harry.

[cat438]

Hi Jay, so proud orf you!!!!  It takes a real man to shed tears and open up like you did at your meeting.  If we are not honest with ourselves then we can’t move forward.  Feel proud of yourself Jay!!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

[charles]

Great post Jayson, thank you.  There is a lot fo help out there it’s important that we use it properly.  Sounds like you have started to do that with your meetings, well done.

[sosad]

Jayson, I see such courage and strength in your post and wishing for you that the wonderful feeling of freedom just grows and grows!

[jayson]

Hi and thankyou for all your replys x
soooooooo….
My situation is im not at home sleeping on a shop floor at the moment , but their is hope. The missis said i can come home if i get a job.Which i carnt blame her for as ive said for 2 years i’ll get a job and not ended up doing it, she just wants to see proof. I thought it would be easy she told me all i need is a 4 hour contract, as working tax credits would make up the rest, we would be finacially secure and i can continue then to look for a better job without any preasure.
ITS NOT EASY! and now im getting a lil impaceince i want it now scenario.
Gamblingwise all good, we all have different motives on why we gambled, mine was money i love money lol…but since the weekend i have lost the compulsion to have money like i said i feel free, and for me if im not botherd about the money i wont gamble.I still have thoughts of gambling and still a cg but for myself ive took the important part away of why i gambled.
I have given up my buisness which i have had for 15 years, last year i earnt 30k but whats the point? I never saw any of it nor did the partner(only bits) i may as well be in employment earning 12k a year into the missis bank and see the benifits like holidays,days out,cinema ect.
I carnt be trusted with money so by not having it i have no stress of having more if that makes sence.
Ideally i want a p/t job and go back to college and learn something , im 37 so got roughly 35 years work in me so its not to late to get a career. Maybe Janey will employ me as a tea maker !
Got another GA meet tonight 3rd one this week,putting effort into things with the hope the saying "Do the right things and the right things will happen" will actually happen !
If i had given up i would have carried on with my job, prob. fount another woman and done the same thing over again and in another 5 years be excatly where i am now….AGAIN !
"IF NOTHING CHANGES NOTHING CHANGES"
Well ive rambled on enough now.
New me, Nwe life, New start x

[Anonymous]

Hi Jayson,
I like Harry have a huge smile on face. Words I have been waiting to hear for so long. The change around in attitude is profound, your road to recovery has finally started and you should feel very proud of yourself, I sure am. Thank you for sharing. Cathie

[vera]

 
Seems as if someone said " Will the real Jayson please stand up!"
take a bow Jayson!

[Anonymous]

Great to read this Jay, am really pleased for you,.
Geordie. I'm a compulsive gambler that isn't gambling today.

[jayson]

Well ***** boys and girls, and to all those not yet sure……
Not posted for a while not been in many live chats…..
So a quick catch up…..
My mind is now free from the compulsion to gamble
I am no longer obsessed about winning money
I am doing 4 meets a week, and getting involved with meetings.
Am i cured?
Not bloody likely lol……I said my mind is free im still a CG and will and probably always have urges to gamble
I have split with the missis
Which also freed my mind of the obsession to do what ever it took to save our relationship.
i got my head down worked hard and payed most of my debt off last week
I have a new love intrest, and im feeling a lil scared as she brights up my whole day whenever i talk to her
Butterflys in my stomach and all that **** lol
and one final thing……
I AM HAPPY
Love to you all and an enjoyable recovery, if ur misrable ur doing something wrong "
I was doing it wrong for a few years so dont worry !
Jay x

[pumkin113b]

WTG Jay! Your posts are brave and inspirational.  Pumkin

[kathryn]

Hiya Jason,
Great update, its lovely to read something so positive from you!!!!!
Hope to read more in the future, thanks for sharing,
Love K xxTo live, that would be a great adventure – Peter Pan

[velvet]

Hi Jay
Well if that isn’t a post that will leave me grinning from ear to ear all day, leaving people wondering what I have been doing, I don’t know what is!
Brilliant
Velvet

[cat438]

Hi Jay, AWESOME, thanks for the update.  I am so happy that you have found what you needed for you to be able to turn the page.  I wish you a wonderful gamble free day!!!One day at a time my sweet lord…

[neva]

Sounds like you’re living!  Thanks for sharing.

[jenny46]

Good one Jayson !! far cry from those old posts of yours, long may it continue
JennyWe see things not as they are, but through how we are today x

[jayson]

Happy Belated Easter…..and thankyou for all your eggs !
……i didnt get an egg
Eerythings good, Why is everthing good? I no longer revolve my life around gambling and my next bet.
So you may say, the bubble will burst soon, wont be long before i go back to the cycle of working to gamble, to test the water to see how much further i could possibly go into my addiction?
Well thats ur progative to think that
In such a short space of time, i have done simple things in my life that have been so much more rewarding than gambling. The only and biggest dessison i make everyday is the choice to gamble or not, and everyday i do this by reminding myself on what the future can bring without a life of gambling. Its pointless remebering the past, thats a part of my life i cannot change, and experiance shows i never learnt from it, to challenge our every move , choice, mistake is human nature, take them away u cannot challenge it and my mind remains free of the turmoil that it brings.Many of you may disagree saying we learn from our past, in the insanity of gambling DO WE REALLY?
How many ***** ive heard a CG say " i wish i could change the past" The proof is there we dont want to remeber the past rather change it, and the last time i looked i wasnt a 900 year old timelord with a tardis ! So its only today we can change to alter our futures.
I myself dont want to change my past, absolutley nothing ! Strange? My past got me to where i am today, doesnt mean i have to remeber it rather look at today and the changes i make today to make ME a better person.
Rambling over lol.
Went to the cinema last night saw Oz The Great and Powerfull, even up-graded to the leather seats !
Enjoyed the film , but made myself ill im not sure if it was the 20 nuggets before the film or the sweeties during the film !
Went to an art gallery on saturday……well when i say art, im not very cutural in this aspect of life and it looked like a load of rubbish to me !!!!
Had an enjoyable weekend 1st easter weekend off for 16 years! Money aint everything, its a tool in the wrong hands causes mischeif and stress, in a reponcible way can cause pleasure and excitement.
Well im off now to **** a roast dinner for when my gf gets in from work.
Have a gd week everyone x
FREE THE MIND FREE THE INSANITY.

[maverick.]

Great to hear things are going well for you Jay, you are a good man and deserve good things, take care mate and will catch you around soon, as always one day at a time my friend all the very best love Maverick.

[Author]

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