[risingphoenix]

Hi all,
I have browsed these forums many times over the years hoping I would find some inspiration to recover from my gambling addictions before it was too late. I fear that now it is too late. Well, here I am posting a journal for the first time. I have made a massive mess of my life and I am not sure how I am going to recover from this. I am single, 30 years old and have been gambling very actively for the last 6 years. I have lost hundreds of thousands of dollars, I have blown through all of my savings and I am currently in over $450,000 debt. After losing every single cent to my name and unable to continue any further I confessed to my family on Friday, Nov 12, 2021. That was the day I had placed my final bet. I still have my job and will likely take many years to get out of this mess. My parents and sibling are devastated as I have been lying to them all this time about my finances. This is it. I am no longer going to lie and I am no longer going to gamble ever again in my life. Welcome to Phase II of my life. Today is Day 4 of being Gamble Free. I will rise from the ashes like a Phoenix! I’d appreciate your kind words of support and encouragement as I begin this journey.

[Dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Dark Energy]

Hi,
great that you have informed your family this will really help you in your recovery, what really catches me is the debt amount, I have as well mounted a huge amount of debt and paid it all. unfortunately, I have relapsed and mounted debts again not to the same level but still, it is a big amount.
from my experience and what I learned is that don’t rush to pay all your debt, you should pay it slowly

your income should go to
1. part for paying the debt
2. part for saving and this is the most important part you should learn to protect your money from yourself if you paid your debt without learning how to protect your money, then if you relapse you will pile up debt again like what I did.
3. part of it to your life goals, you can’t keep everything on hold until you pay all your debts.

one more point you shouldn’t ask your family to pay your debt because you need to master point number 2 first.

[hambone]

I did something similar to you, I ran myself into about 150-200k in debt before everything came out. I picked up a second job (see my thread) and then a third. It took me almost 2 years of putting everything from my second job towards my debts to finally become debt free. I’ve been GF for almost 3 years, and am now living the life I want, atleast financially. I have 4 kids, a beautiful home and am making great financial decisions.

It took you a long time to make the debt, and its going to take a long time to fix. There is no easy fix. Dont get discouraged, resist the urge to try and do it all fast, there are no shortcuts to this. It takes hardwork and dedication, but once you quit gambling and making progress, the veil will be lifted from your eyes and you wont believe how you used to live.

As I was making my *final* payment, my wife found a letter in the trash about a loan repayment; everything came out. I had been working the second job in secret (at the same time as my primary job) and my plan was to pay it off and move along like it never happened. Now, to be fair, it was much easier to get her forgiveness after the loans had been repaid, if she found out when I was at rockbottom I dont think it would have gone as well. But the point is, you need to be honest with those people around you so they can keep you accountable. Once I told my wife everything, it was such a burden relieved. We talk about my gambling from time to time, and it reminds me how far I’ve come.

It’s not going to be easy, but nothing worth it is. I can promise you, gambling is NOT the solution to ANY of your problems.

[risingphoenix]

Also, Dark Energy- forgot to post this in my previous reply. I am sorry to hear that you have relapsed, I wish you gather the strength needed to stay GF and overcome this affliction. Stay strong!

[risingphoenix]

Thanks Dark Energy for your kind words and advice.

I am not asking my family to help with the debt. I got into the mess and I will have to fix it myself and live through it. According to the budgets, it will take me 5-6 years of current work salary to clear all the debts. Today is Day 7 of being Gamble Free.

[risingphoenix]

Dec4,2021 – Day 22 of being gambling free. Lot of pain and agony these last few weeks. Tears shed, anger raged, emotions filled the room during every single conversation. My parents are still shell shocked from this. They desperately want me to recover from this. I do too.

One day at a time. I have had some urges but am able to keep the in check and distract myself with work. Trying to downsize and sell off the home to get some money so that I can pay off some of the high interest personal loans. What’s the point of struggling to live in a house if I can’t afford pay the monthly mortgage after paying down the monthly gambling debt payments.

Oh Lord give me the strength to keep my focus and continue to stay far far away from gambling. I have ruined my life enough and I want to start living my life as the way you intended for me. With honesty, integrity and virtuousness.

[risingphoenix]

Dec 19,2021- Day 37 of being Gamble free

I am thankful for my family for being understanding and working with me to get me out of this mess. The only way I am going to start to get out of debt is to sell the house and move in with family until I get back on my feet. This is what I am working on right now.

One day at a time.

[risingphoenix]

Hambone,

Glad to hear you have made it to the other side of this.

I thought I had sent you a reply but looks like it may have not published. Thanks for your thoughts. Yes, I am going to build it back slowly. It is going to take a long time to fix this.

Agree 110% Gambling is not the solution to anything

[risingphoenix]

Dec 22, 2021 – Day 40 of staying Gamble Free

Urges every now and then but I am staying focused. I am in the process of selling my house and that is keeping my full attention. I have noticed that as long as mind is occupied with other things I cease to think about gambling.

One day at a time.

[risingphoenix]

Day 50! Of being gamble free. Thank you for the support!

Happy new year everyone. May we all find the strength and support to stay away from gambling for life!

[Cruising247]

Congratulations on Day 50 of being gamble free!🎊🎊🎊
Happy New Year!!!

[risingphoenix]

Thanks Cruising247! Happy new year!

I am very glad to see you are doing well too! Keep it up. One day at a time 🙂

[risingphoenix]

72 days of staying gamble free.

I have had urges in the last couple of weeks, but talking to someone (parents) helped me avoid a relapse.

I know I have a problem but I am going to win my life back!! One day at a time

[sjc1]

This is such an inspirational post Risingphoenix! Wish I could summon up the courage to ‘come out’ as the gambler I have become. I am still unable to admit it to my nearest and dearest. I have come so close but lose my nerve at the last minute. I have had to be brave about other serious things in my life but this gambling addiction is still so strong in me. I just cant kick it. I pretend that I can ‘cut down’ but of course that is not really dealing with the addiction – it’s still succumbing to it. Do you feel like you are ‘living’ again? I feel that being addicted is numbing my life. I dont remember anything. I watch a film and cant remember it because all I’m really thinking about is when I can next gamble. It has taken over my life. For whatever reason I am allowing this addiction to drown me. I really want to stop now. Had enough.

[risingphoenix]

Hi Sjc1,

Glad to hear you find my story and struggle inspiring. We are all here to help ourselves and each other.

It was at a point of no return that I confessed to my family. I just couldn’t continue on as I drowned myself in so much debt. I wish I could’ve opened up to them sooner as it could’ve prevented me from losing so much ,but nevertheless I am glad I did it.

Confession has to be done if one needs to kick this addiction. I would be lying to you if I said everything is great after confessing. No, it is going to be rough. It has been over 10 weeks and still every other day, this topic comes up in random conversations. I am still under enormous debt, so even a simple financial transaction at a grocery haunts me. However, slowly but surely, I am rising up from the ashes! I can feel it. I know I can beat this. And I am glad my family is willing to help me with the moral support I need.

[risingphoenix]

76 days of staying Gambling Free.

The urges are so strong. I am having to try so hard to keep the thoughts away. My head is very clear after giving up gambling and I am able to spend quality time with family. Going back to gambling will ruin me. So I must stay gamble free!!! Lord give me the strength to stay gamble free.

I will win my life back. One day at a time

[Losingitslowly]

Update please. You have done so well for so long. Fight it with all that you have because if you don’t there will literally be nothing left.

[risingphoenix]

Hi Losingitslowy,

Thanks for checking. Appreciate it. On Day 89 of staying Gamble free.

My dog got sick in December and we recently got the diagnosis. He has a rapidly progressing, very rare and incurable cancer. I am extremely heartbroken and upset. I am spending as much time as possible with him and keeping him comfortable.

On the recovery from debt topic. I sold my house and used up all that equity to pay some of my loans. Still have ato clear a lot of debt. Have moved cities to live with family for a few months so that I can start saving again. Long road ahead. One day at a time.

[Losingitslowly]

Hopefully the sacrifice that you make will help.keep you in check. If you do start to save then perhaps you can put that money into some sort of investment or bond that you cant touch for an extended period of time. Keeping it at arms length is something that I should have done with a large sum that I had and , well, it’s all gone. Congratulations on your continued abstinence and I hope that you are able to continue. I am very sorry about your dog. I hope that you can spend as much time as possible with him. Perhaps you should keep in touch as both a deterrent and inspiration for others

[risingphoenix]

96 days Gamble free.

Thanks losingitslowly, it is very difficult to have kept all my belongings in a storage unit and living with family. However I must do this to get back on my feet. I luckily have help from my family with my dog care. I hope I can keep my dog comfortable for longer.

My gambling urges are stronger than they have been in the last couple of months. It could be because I see some savings building up. I don’t want to get sucked into the gambling vortex and thus will do all in my power to stay away. I got this!! One day at a time!

[wewinwhenwedontplay]

To risingphoenix,

I want to thank you for being so open and honest here on these forums with your story. It has given me some more hope (I have very little of it these days). I honestly have questioned the point/points of living life multiple times in the past weeks because of how messed up things are, so I want to thank you for sharing. It lets me know I am not alone.

I have about 100 grand in debt due to gambling. Not only will unemployment not give me an eligibility interview (they keep saying it’s backed up because of covid and several applications/applicants) (I applied almost 3 months ago after losing a job due to an injury), I also cannot seem to get a job. I’ve submitted several applications and have gotten interviews, but haven’t gotten anything. Food delivery and taxi apps are also giving me a hard time right now. I am lucky to make $10 a day (so at that rate, my debt will never be paid off).

What hurts even more, is that I have nearly no one by my side through this. Several people are happy to see me doing bad. Several people I helped when I had, have not even checked on me. Several others are now treating me as if I am less than because I am struggling bad financially (sadly, many of these ones are people in my own family) (it’s like if you can’t do for them, you’re worthless in their eyes).

We don’t know each other, but know that you sharing your story has helped me during a very dark time in my life. It’s funny/crazy how sometimes, well many times actually, when we are going through the worst times in our lives, it can be a stranger who says/shares/does something to help us see/reach some light.

Keep fighting, keep staying strong, you’re not alone.

[risingphoenix]

Thanks wewinwhenwedontplay. Stay strong my friend.

[risingphoenix]

Just came by to post on Day 100 of being Gambling free.

Probably the hardest thing I have done in my life so far. I am tired and losing strength to stay away. But I must continue to persevere so that I don’t get sucked into gambling- this life destroying force.

One day at a time!

[sjc1]

Hi risingphoenix – what do you do to boost up your strength to stay away? It is exhausting trying not to be tempted and keeping up this continuous fight to not get sucked back into the gambling vortex. I’ve just managed to do 4 days in a row staying away but crumbled last night. I’m keeping tabs with a \\\\ type day count on my computer. I’ve put a 0 in for last night but hope to rack up some more \ marks this week. 🙂 One day at a time!

[risingphoenix]

Hi Sjc1,

I am keeping myself as busy as possible so that I don’t even have time to think about gambling. Keep up the fight! You got this. One / at a time. 🙂

[sjc1]

Hi Risingphoenix That’s great to hear! Yes I’m trying to occupy my mind with positive stuff and keeping busy too. I notched up a \ today! 🙂

[bina1984]

I want to have my life back I know I can do it
As you say one day at the time!

[risingphoenix]

Day 105.

I almost relapsed this week. But I caught myself when I was having those thoughts and then browsed the forum and read through my own posts and that saved me. One day at a time.

[risingphoenix]

I made a few more debt payments this week. Feels good. Long way to go still!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by risingphoenix.

[jvr3419]

Hey just wanted to say how awesome it is to see your progress. I to find that coming on here is really helping alot to keep me from gambling to. I hope to keep hitting the same milestones you are.

[Losingitslowly]

Great feelings are good feelings!!! We must try to remember that we didnt get in this situation that we are in in a day, month or even a year, so we wont get out of it that fast either. Keep chipping away and see what you will find.

[risingphoenix]

Thanks jvr3419 and Losingitslowly,
Hope you two are doing okay and staying gambling free.

Today marks my Day 115 of staying gambling free.

Personally I have been very sad given my dog’s cancer. He hasn’t been responding to any treatment (cancer treatments are very expensive) and this is very upsetting. I love him so much and I don’t want to see him go. He is still eating well and with pain killers he seems to be coping. Not sure how many more days he’ll stay that way.

On the finances front, I have had a lot of urges in the past week. Racking up these huge medical bills is probably what is pushing me to think of gambling again. I know I can’t gamble. I just have to work hard and save up and pay off my debts including these bills.

God please give me the strength to endure the pain and suffering. Please give me the strength to stay gamble free. Please help my dog with his recovery.

I will stay gamble free. One day at a time!

[jvr3419]

Hi risingphoenix I’m so sorry what your going through with your fur child. I lost my older dog awhile back and till this day it still hurts so I have alot of empathy for you. Dogs are our best friends they love us no matter what we do as humans. One thing I’ve learned through this recovery journey that numbing out the pain only makes it so much worse with any situation life throws at us. You can get through this its not going to be easy but you have to let yourself go through the grieving process so you don’t get tangled into bad tendencies again believe me I have destroyed myself more times that I can count in my life trying to avoid the uncomfortable feelings with grief. You got this and you can shout me a message anytime on here if you need to vent your pain with this situation. Wishing you lots of strength to get through this difficult time

[risingphoenix]

Thank you jvr3419. I appreciate your empathy and support. I am treating every single day I have with him left as a bonus day. I am glad that I have got to spend a lot more time with him through Covid stay-at-home. I now have him on painkillers and letting nature take its course. As long as he is eating and able to tolerate the pain, I ll continue to enjoy his company. I know the days are numbered and I am grateful for every single day.

I am on day 122 of staying gamble free. I have interviewed at a different company recently and will likely get an offer soon. Fingers crossed. It pays slightly better than my current job and I would like to switch as it will help pay off my debts faster.

One day at a time!

[risingphoenix]

Day 136

My dog is managing on. Everyday with him is a bonus day. Thank you Lord for keeping him around.

I got the new job and will be starting next week. I have created a new bank account and given access to my parents and sibling to keep me in check. My paycheck will come to the new account from this new job. I am very thankful to God for bringing this new job my way. It pays much higher than my previous one and will allow me to live more comfortably and pay off debts faster.

One day at a time

[risingphoenix]

Day 142

Just checking in on a Sunday
Staying gamble free. One day at a time.

[risingphoenix]

Day 154 of staying Gamble Free

It’s been two weeks at the new job. A lot of learning and meeting new people. I am staying extremely busy. This is a good thing as I have absolutely no avenue for any other thoughts.

My dog is still holding on. None of his chemo treatments worked. This is very depressing. But I can still see that my dog wants to live even through all the pain and suffering. He is I think showing me the way to overcome my challenges and failures. If he can find a way to live and be cheerful through his debilitating cancer, I too can live through my “cancer” (gambling).

Please pray for his recovery. Thank you.

One day at a time.

[risingphoenix]

Thank you Kin. Tyson is 12.

[jvr3419]

Hi risingphoenix, I’m sorry your poor pup is struggling. They sure can teach us alot. I always have looked animals for strength and life lessons as there survival mechanisms are so different from our emotional ones. Theres is purely instinctual. I remeber watching my old girl suffer I new when she didn’t want to swim anymore that was it. She was a lab so they love water. I still think about her everyday they never leave us. I wish your pup and you all the strength through this time. And your absolutely right addiction especially this one is just like having cancer we have to fight it tooth and nail to not let us be taken out from it. Congratulations on your clean days.❤

[risingphoenix]

Thanks jvr3419.

My pup passed away earlier this week. I made a promise to him that I will not gamble ever again and I intend to uphold that promise as long as I am alive. He stood by me for a long time through all my ups and downs and I forever will be grateful for his love and loyalty.

Day 160 gamble free. One day at a time!

[jvr3419]

Im so sorry risingphoenix your fur baby was so lucky to have someone that loved them so much. Wishing you lots of healing vibes through this time.

[Losingitslowly]

So sorry for your loss! We just lost our big baby twice- once in the divorce and then he passed two years ago in his sleep. He had a very long and pampered life so it was an easy passing to accept. It’s hard to lose one that is sick for a spell because its both a loss and relief that they are no longer in pain. Use that strength from loss to push yourself forward and not to go back.

[risingphoenix]

Thank you for the kind words. I was very heartbroken and devastated the last few days. I keep seeing him everywhere and in everything I do. I am slowly recovering and accepting the grief. He lived a very comfortable life and had all our love showered on him. Hopefully he is in a better place. May he rest in peace.

[risingphoenix]

Day 174 of staying gamble free.

Just checking in. The urges continue to be there but then I come and read my journal here and it sets my mind right.

I have paid off a significant amount of very high interest rate debt – Mostly using the proceeds from house sale. Almost every single penny now that I make from work is going there as well. Finances are being handled by the family, I cannot access my bank accounts without them knowing. So that’s good. At this rate, likely by end of next year, I will have paid off my debts. Let’s see what the future holds.

Journey continues. One day at a time.

[Dark Energy]

congrats on your 176 days, you are almost 6 months free of gambling. you have done it the right way by asking the family to handle the finances.
wish you all the best.

[risingphoenix]

Day 182 gamble free.

Life goes on. One day at a time.

[risingphoenix]

Thanks Dark energy, hope you are staying strong and gamble free. Keep at it!

[risingphoenix]

Thanks Kin. Hope you are doing well and staying gamble free.

[risingphoenix]

Stay strong Kin. One day at a time. This is a life long journey

[risingphoenix]

Day 194

Lots of work and activity related to my job. Keeping me very busy. I don’t think I even had a single gambling thought the last few days

Staying gamble free. One day at a time.

[Losingitslowly]

Great work. It’s hard to stop the thoughts from coming but it looks like you have done a great job rewiring the pathways in the brain. Keep your guard up because the mind is a sneaky place. If you let your guard down it will start running the thoughts that you can “gamble with control”. Been there, made that mistake.

[risingphoenix]

Very well said losingitslowly. Yes, those “gamble with control” thoughts definitely crossed my mind. It is impossible to completely shut those thoughts off. I do recognize there isn’t a gray area for a compulsive gambler.

Either you gamble or you don’t, period. And if you gamble you lose your life and everything you hold dear.

I should remember this every single day!

Day 196. One day at a time

[Losingitslowly]

You are so right in all that you say. There is no gray area. I find that I minimize the act in my mind just before I relapse by thinking that I will just deposit once. Only $50 and that will be it. The longer I’ve abstained the more sure I am that it will be just fine. You said it quite succinctly when you said that we either gamble or we dont. We either control ourselves or we give in. I love @kin’s analogy of the hole in the road. It gives me a visual that I can relate to. I am at the point now where I need to walk another road. Every time I think of gambling I picture the hole in the road. Its insanity, isnt it? The very definition – doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. It’s a hole and I’m not falling in it anymore. Eventually I will choose the road with no hole, like you have, but at this point I am simply walking down the street, mindful to avoid the hole I know that is up ahead. Have a great day all.

[risingphoenix]

Day 200! Gamble Free

This is but just a number. I am happy but I must remember Only One day of gambling is so powerful and can topple these many gamble free days. I must persevere. I will win my life back!!! One day at a time!

[Dark Energy]

congrats Risingphoenix,
you are really up to the name that you chose “Risingphoenix”, you raised from the ashes of your addiction, keep it up my friend 200 days is a very good achievement.
keep your road blockers, be careful, and don’t start to take the addiction loosely even after this period.. wish you all the best.

[risingphoenix]

Day 203

Thanks Dark Energy for the support. Appreciate it. I hope you too continue to stay Gamble Free! One day at a time!

[risingphoenix]

Day 206.

Thanks Kin. My best wishes to you as well to keep the gamble free streak alive.

It is taking immense strength to stay away. This is needed to win back my life. I know I can do it! One day at a time!

[risingphoenix]

Day 208

Thank you Kin. One day at a time.

On the debt front, I was able to sell my house and take whatever equity it had to pay down the high interest debt and just a few days ago, paid off loans that I took from the family members. I no longer have a house and I am living in an apartment. But at least I can sleep better and not worry about massive debt. I have some ways to go. It will take some more months to have zero debt and almost 5 or so years to build back my savings and net worth to what it was.

I am extremely grateful to have a supporting and understanding family and to have a good paying job.

I made a mistake and only I can fix it. And I will!

[risingphoenix]

Day 215

Few rough days and a lot of work (over 80hrs/week) last two weeks. Gambling thoughts came to mind again, not entirely sure what triggered it. Could be work related stress. However I came to the site and read through all my posts (twice) to remind me where I was when I gambled and what would happen if I got into it again.

I want to live my life the way God intended it for me to live it. I will stay away from Gambling with all my power and strength of mind.I am going to win my life back!!!

One day at a time! Gamble Free!

[risingphoenix]

Day 222

Thanks for checking in Kin.

I have not been able to reduce my workload. I plan to talk to my boss tomorrow and see if I can do less of something. These 14-15 hour days are really taking a toll. Given that it is a new job (and I am covering for multiple open positions) the expectations are high.

I have already scheduled monthly payments and transferring rest to my family out of my account for the first of the month when paycheck hits . This way I won’t have any way to act on my gambling thoughts during these stressful times.

One day at a time! Staying strong and gamble free!

[risingphoenix]

Day 226

Family continues to support me emotionally during this recovery. I am grateful for their support.

One day at a time!

[Don14765]

Glad to hear you have some support from
Your family- ! support is so vital
To recovery- I know I can’t do this alone…
And yes: one day at a time

[risingphoenix]

Day 230

Thanks Don14765. Appreciate the support.

Today was payday. Immediately transferred funds to family and only keeping enough for monthly bills. Have to keep temptations at bay at all times. No need to take any risks.

I will recover from my troubles. I will win back my life!! Gamble free! One day at a time!

[Don14765]

Rising: you’re welcome for the support
I want to be able to help
As well as get help 🙂
Kudos to you for transferring money to your family when you know that’s the best thing for you …
And yes -I need to
Learn to not take any risks losing money as well…
Thanks for being a example of how it can
Be done to a newcomer like myself!

[risingphoenix]

Day 235

Glad to be an example for the right reasons Don14765. I look forward to you setting some gamble free milestones as well.

Things are still pretty hectic at work. The weekend was a welcome change. Hope everyone had an enjoyable time off.

Staying gamble free. One day at a time.

[risingphoenix]

Day 239

Been waiting eagerly for the last two days to post this!!

Have a major update.

I got an unexpected performance bonus and salary increase on Wed. CEO just handed me a big check (50k) and said I deserved it. I made some major product fixes a few weeks ago and looks like my idea will be saving the company millions this year. Looks like working those 70-80 hour work weeks these last two months paid off. Thank you Lord for looking over me, blessing me and giving the opportunity to use my knowledge and skills.

I immediately sent that money off to pay off my remaining loans on Thursday! As of this morning, I got confirmation that I have PAID OFF all my loans that I have accrued all these years gambling. The entire $450K+ debt is now paid off. I am over the moon today.

A majority of the loans (~300K) was paid using the equity from the sale of the house. It was definitely a humbling moment early this year for me and my family when I had to sell the house, however it was the right thing as it gave me a big push towards paying off the loans.

Been living in an apartment for a few months now. I am happy where I live.

Eight months ago I was a disaster. Now looking back, God had a reason for me to go through all this. I am forever grateful to have been given the opportunity to build my life back. With my hard work and perseverance I will continue to build back my life. Now that I am debt free, I will be even more careful than ever before.

Temptation to gamble my money cannot find a place in my life ever again

I know this is just a start in me rising like a phoenix!! The journey continues!

Staying Gamble free. One day at a time.

[risingphoenix]

Thank you so much Kin. I am grateful for your support in this journey. Yes, with patience, dedication and hard work I strongly believe we can win over this evil.

I would like to emphasize the need to keep the faith and good things will come in unexpected ways.

[Don14765]

Hi Rising Phoenix:
Thanks for your rigorously honest post…
Kudos to you for all the hard work you’ve
Done to get debt- free
From gambling…!
That’s quite the debt…
And for me; that would be nearly
Impossible to over come
BecAuse I don’t make great money..
I make enough to get by
And no doubt gambling has cut down my ability
To save ….
Being 57yrs of age
I’ve been warned last week
I’m nearing the retirement phase
Of my life…

And I don’t really have the money
To retire anytime soon

So your post- especially when you said
“The temptation to gamble my money can never
Find a place in my life again”
is
Is a huge help/ realization for me
That I was headed down a dark road
For which I may not have ever found
My way back..
So..
Congratulations on your journey
And your great accomplishments!

Your success provides
A learning platform for people like me-
I’m pretty much a newcomer….
And I’m learning
I’m stubborn
And I now have to give up
My “control “ (which I have none of!)
Of any thoughts of gambling
Because all I’ve done is lose…
Also-
When you stated “now that I’m debt free; I’ll be even more careful than before “

I also want to follow that great advice!
I recently got a loan from the bank
To pay off debt;
I’d hate to travel
Down that dark road of gambling and lose whatever momentum I’ve gained …thank you for helping me realize this 😀

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Don14765. Reason: Adding a little more

[risingphoenix]

Day 241

Thanks Kin and Don14765. It is certainly heartwarming to hear your kudos and congrats. And I am glad to see my posts are also helping you and others.

As I sat back last night and thought about it. It dawned on me that I have no debt now but at the same time no savings or assets whatsoever. That means everything I have earned to date, every single thing is gone. It is extremely heartbreaking to realize this.

On the bright side I have another chance at life. A chance to reinvent myself! I am going to build my life back as God intended me to do. One brick at a time. With utmost discipline, honesty, sincerity, hard work, love, affection and respect.

I am happy that I have finally realized gambling – chasing after fast money or being greedy is not the answer to life. The ephemeral rush of gambling is worth absolutely nothing!!!

Hard work, honesty and sincerity is the answer to life.

Staying gamble free. One day at a time!

[risingphoenix]

Money is a cruel master but a great servant!

Debt = Cruel master

Savings = Great servant

Looking forward to a debt free life

[risingphoenix]

Day 244

Today is another day that I will stay gamble free.

It is so crazy that even after 243 days of being gamble free, the temptations persist. I feel the mood swings and I think that if I have access to any money I would gamble it away. Not sure when these feelings go away for good. Gambling addiction is a disease.

I have to continue to do some soul searching on what actually triggers me. When I was repaying my debt, becoming debt free was my biggest motivation to stay gamble free. Now I need to find the next thing to keep me motivated and gamble free.

One day at a time.

[Losingitslowly]

I too am concerned about the same things as the drive to get myself back on track is very strong at this point and easily overrides any desires to gamble. I keep myself in check by having little to no money available, especially on the days that I have down time, so that even if the temptation hits and I still go looking in the garage for a dead laptop and I bring it in and start it up, I have nothing to gamble with. I feel that all the barriers we put in place are great, but when does it stop being a life about not gambling? I guess, if we look at other addictions and people that are successful at recovery we see that it is always going to be about staying gamble free one day at a time, but it’s not only about that. It can sit in the background, like an allergy. A food allergy is something that you must avoid daily but really only affects you when you eat, mainly out of the house, because your home should be your safe zone. We will have times and places that are safe and others that are risky to our recovery, and we should be aware of the things that pose the most danger and avoid them. I know that electronics will always pose the greatest risk for a relapse so I will ensure that I cannot access any gambling on the ones that I use daily. Forever, if necessary. My safe zones are outside my house at this point, and I am going to strive to make inside as safe, but at this point in time, it is not. I am aware. I need to stay aware but that does not mean that my entire existence is going to be about being gamble free, anymore than a person with a food allergy or other addiction only lives to be free of their nemesis. I guess if you let it all be only about sobriety than you will lose all of those things that make life a joyous ride and gambling will still control your life. I will strive for balance. I have recently decided to start losing some if the weight I have gained. It gives me another goal, another purpose, and puts my mind on other things. I hope that you can find other things that bring you purpose and joy so that gambling is something that is at the back of your mind, something you become used to avoiding, something that may still nag at you occasionally, but something that is only a small part of a life filled with joy and purpose

[Don14765]

Rising : thanks again for being rigorously honest ….
It shows how your recovery is coming along
And also shows the newcomer like myself that
I’m
Not the only one that battles temptations..
That
Must provide a good deterrent for you- being debt free and knowing
That gambling has probably caused
That massive debt (you mentioned it last post )
You accumulated??
That’s a great motivator!
I hope you’re able to find the next steps
That help you stay gamble- free
So you can keep us up to date
On how many days you’ve been gamble free !

I like The fact that you post how many days you’ve been gamble free, you must look at that and say “boy I certainly do not want to start at day one again”

I know I’d want to keep up the great recovery work & work whatever steps
Necessary to protect that sobriety…

[risingphoenix]

Day 246

Thanks friends for your supporting comments. I really appreciate your support on this journey. It is amazing how so many of us have similar predicaments and feelings.

I certainly don’t want to restart my gamble free day count. I want to choose to walk the talk and stay gamble free and live my life as God intended for me.

I have couple of challenges that I am looking forward to keep me motivated and continue my gamble free life.

One, get back in shape- covid stay at home and the gambling stress has put me completely out of shape. I know what you mean losingitslowly 🙂

Two, build up my savings the right way with hard work to be able to live a comfortable life and not be worried about any curveballs that life may throw at me.

I will continue to have no access to money. It is okay for my family to handle it. There is no shame in asking for help when you need it.

It all comes back to Step1: We admitted we were powerless over gambling – that our lives had become unmanageable.

We are powerless and we need help!

I am grateful for GT to have this space for us to share our feelings and support each other.

Here’s to more gamble free days. One day at a time!

[risingphoenix]

Day 249

Another gamble free day. Recovery continues

[risingphoenix]

Day 250

I did not even think when I started being gamble free that I would stay GF these many days. Looks like I have some will power after all. My mind is much clearer now and I realize gambling is NOT a solution to anything.

Like Kin says I must not fall into the slippery slope of temptation ever again.

One day at a time. Good things will come if I stay gamble free.

[risingphoenix]

Thank you for your constant support and encouragement Kin.

[Don14765]

Rising: I am happy to hear you are trudging the road of success!
You’ve made great strides ….
Serves as a great inspiration for other gamblers- like me !

The only thing I would like to say different about myself is that I have no power over this addiction at all, every time I think I can control it, or I have “will power“ then I go out and try and gamble then I get even more broke, more frustrated and more upset that I have lost more money …I am learning there is no easy fix, and we have to do one day at a time for sure:)

[risingphoenix]

Day 257

There is no easy fix for this disease. I am not sure if there is a fix at all. This is just a tiger we put asleep, the minute it wakes up even years from now it can wreak total havoc.

Pay day is coming soon. I already have allocated money for bills and written cheques to safe places where the money needs to go.

Lack of access to money = lack of temptations to gamble!

Staying gambling free. One day at a time.

[risingphoenix]

Thanks Don for your comments. I am glad to be at a stage where my story is becoming an inspiration for others. We all need to support each other through this treacherous journey in life

[Don14765]

Rising: you’re welcome & I certainly
Get quite a bit from reading your posts …
I try and read all the journal posts…
Info is extremely helpful…

Yes-
This disease can be cunning, baffling and powerful for sure….
You are doing great with your money-
Fantastic idea to allot your money where it needs to go…

Stagnant money is a temptation for me as well..
Even if you get the thoughts of gambling;
You can’t gamble if you don’t have money –

That’s a wise decision on your part….

I don’t believe we are ever “healed”

Your sobriety is awesome -lots of time in
Recovery…..
I just know we always have to be on
The lookout for that moment when
We’re upset/ angry ,perhaps at someone.. lonely or excessively
Tired ….

That’s a weak moment in our day when
Perhaps the old feelings come back
And Try
To haunt -try to offer a
“Soothing “ alternative-which many
Times has made me feel worse !!

Staying away from the disease is always best
And on those weak days(I have many!)

Is a test to reach out to others and
No be ashamed to ask for help….
I am
Learning all this one step at a time…

Hope you have a great gamble-free day!!

[Don14765]

How have you been lately Rising?

[risingphoenix]

Day 262

Hey Don, Thanks for checking in. I have been doing okay but not great. Staying gamble free so that’s good. How have you been?

Got my paycheck over the weekend. Transferred all of it to family except keeping some for the rent and few bills.

I had very difficult time with sad feelings over the weekend on how bad I let my situation get towards the end of last year and how much money was lost over the last decade.

Thought this is sad, I came to realize late last night that these feelings as necessary to keep me on the straight and narrow. To realize the importance of self will and how critical it is to stay gamble free

One day at a time!

[risingphoenix]

Thank you for the great idea Kin. I will create a gratitude list here next time I start feeling sad

[Don14765]

Your welcome, Rising….
Glad to see you once again have alotted
your money
To the right people/places and trying your best
To Avoid triggers….

Regarding what you say about feeling bad over the money you have lost over the last decade, I do agree with Kin’s suggestion of writing down a journal of your gratitude list for sure …I certainly try to!

But I also want to add something -it’s a short story, but I think it’s important to share it with you & everyone on this therapy site …I have a favourite baseball team ;now called the “Cleveland guardians“

So at the beginning of the season I said to myself “I wonder how the broadcasters on the radio (which I love to listen to,) are going to transition from “Cleveland Indians”to the Cleveland guardians …saying the name I mean, so I thought they may have a couple of mock broadcastings before the season starts??

Well to my surprise, they did slip up a couple of times and say “Indians“ or they have said “tribe”!!

Well lately, when I listen to the broadcast, they have now completely transitioned over to, Cleveland guardians“

What I’m saying is, when we are used to doing a certain motion/act…

And we have done it for a long time, we have to be patient while trying hard
To change …What I am not saying is …it is perfectly OK to fail -no!!if you can succeed ; do so for sure!!

But it does take some time and effort to re-train our brain into not gambling
Regardless of what negative /bad things
We faced that day/week…
Hope this helps 🙂

[risingphoenix]

Thanks Don. That is a fantastic metaphor you’ve written here. Yes! It certainly helps.

[Don14765]

Rising: thanks ! I was hoping

Bringing that to light would help out…
Hoping you’ll have a gamble -free
Weekend coming up !
An old sponsor /counselor
Last year told me “you have to just ride the wave “
Of a bad day -or someone who’s angered you…
It
Certainly isn’t easy for me…
I’ve always just reached for my drug of choice (usually gambling 😩)

I am slowly learning that
Well we certainly enjoy the good, awesome, wonderful days, we also at some point have to go through the bad days, I really hate them, I do not like them at all, but I am learning that resorting to my addiction is not the answer for sure ..just important to get through the day, and maybe tomorrow will be brighter 😁

[risingphoenix]

Day 267

Caught up on sleep. Been working some long hours of late. Good in a way that keeps me busy and away from any wrong thoughts.

Seeing the savings build makes me realize how fortunate I have been to be able to start my recovery from the mess.

I still however keep feeling a large dark shadow hanging around me all day. Will it ever become normal. Probably not. And I understand that I will need to battle through this everyday. This is a good thing though. Will keep me alert not to relapse.

Staying gamble free. One day at a time!

[Don14765]

Rising: I am glad to hear you are keeping busy with work,
And glad you’re able to see some savings…
I’ve spoken with other addicts in
Some face to face meetings
In my city a year or so …

And they say the “dark shadow”
Gets better with time away from the addiction…
Never goes completely away…
BUT!!
Gets better to deal with as time goes on, I guess wake up in the morning and say “well I am having a rough day but I will not let my addiction get to me! “ And of course when you are busy working or have a really good day then we could let the “sleeping giant lie“ (gambling giant)and don’t have to worry about giving in to gambling on a positive day:)

[risingphoenix]

Day 268

Absolutely looking forward to it being the case 🙂

[risingphoenix]

Going on vacation for a week and digitally disconnecting. See y’all on the flip side!

[jvr3419]

Enjoy your vacation 😊

[risingphoenix]

Day 277

Thanks Kin and JVR. That was a nice break.

Hope everyone is staying healthy and gamble free!

[Don14765]

Rising: how was your Vacation ?
Did you go anywhere amazing?
How is your mindset towards gambling?
I just read a good post that was started a
Few years back….

Asking if a CG can be a controlled gambler…
I’m beginning to believe
That
I’ll always have to be “on alert”
For thoughts about gambling when
I’m angry/ upset at someone …..
Sometimes my thoughts
Come even when I’m happy
And there’s nothing wrong ….

And when I have fallen and relapsed,
It’s done me no good
And I’ve lost more money and my sobriety 😩

[risingphoenix]

Hi Don,
It was a mix of a few places, all very budget friendly :). I spent a couple of days at home, then the beach and then spent time hiking and camping.

Over the last decade, I have tried numerous times to gamble in a controlled manner and finally came to realization there is no such thing. When the sleeping tiger awakens, it is game set match. And one will lose everything!

[risingphoenix]

Day 282

Another gamble free day. Another day of recovery. I am grateful for what I have. I will continue to focus on my health, family and work.

My needs are met. I don’t need anything else.

One day at a time!

[risingphoenix]

I totally understand and empathize completely with that Kin . Every single day I feel upset at what I have done all these years. I had everything but still chased after some FALSE notion of happiness and satisfaction and lost everything.

We all now have a second lease at life and a chance to be good stewards of the resources we have been given. It is now our duty to do it the right way. We are all extremely fortunate to have this opportunity.

There are millions who are still in this mess and don’t even know they have a problem yet. At least we all here in this forum recognize the issue. Knowing we have a problem is the first step.

I hope I keep the strength to continue on this righteous way for the rest of my life.

[risingphoenix]

Yes. I have seen it. A very nice and powerful movie!

[Don14765]

Rising: i’m glad to hear you had a great vacation!
And yes- I try hard to have an “attitude of gratitude “
I try and constantly look for
The positive in my life
When I feel tempted to gamble….

[risingphoenix]

Day 284

Looking back at my very first post here – I said that I feared it was too late for me.

However it was NOT too late. Once I surrendered my ego, pride and confessed, I was able to recover my life with love and support from my family.

I am grateful to them for their support.

Staying gamble free. One day at a time!

[risingphoenix]

Day 285

I got some inspiration from DarkEnergy’s post on milestones.

I have a few milestones (financially) that I am tracking and targeting personally. These will be the key days on my road to recovery.

Milestone 1: Day 239 (completed)
Milestone 2: Day 354
Milestone 3: Day 535
Milestone 4: Day 811
Milestone 5: Day 1085
Milestone 6: Day 1266
Milestone 7: Day 1542
………

One day at a time. I will conquer this!

[gustav101]

congrats risingpheonix! This is awesome and very motivational, keep it up, and you are correct – you will conquer this!

[Dark Energy]

Hi Raisingphonix,
congratulation on your 285 days, only 36% percent can make it to one year, and I am sure you will be one of them.
you made it to 285 days, so you know what it needs to stay free of gambling and you are doing it really well.

[risingphoenix]

Thanks DarkEnergy and Gustav101. Appreciate the comments.

[risingphoenix]

Day 287

Payday is coming. I know money=temptation, so as usual I have already written checks and made standing instructions so that the minute the paycheck hits my account the money gets drained to safe places out of my reach. All my money is now handled by my family. I will hardly have access to a few hundreds of dollars left after paying bills and rent every month after the paycheck hits.

This is not anything for me to be ashamed of. I acknowledge I am powerless over the addiction and I need all the help I can get. I am grateful for the love, affection and support of my family that continues to ensure I stay gamble free for the rest of my life.

One day at a time! Hope everyone here continues to stay gamble free.

[Don14765]

Rising: I am happy to hear that you have a loving and supporting family! It is a wise idea to give them control over your money so as to not feed your addiction and congratulations on your lengthly sobriety!

When you get tempted to gamble, do you think of the money that you lost over the years? Does that help you avoid going out and gambling again? I was once told by an old sponsor in order to have a change you have to go through “ The pain of change”

But it’s well worth the pain! Because you are not feeding your addiction, but it’s either that or “the pain of staying the same”

And the Pain in staying the same is definitely worse…

Keep
Up the great work!

[risingphoenix]

Hi Don,

I still always think about the money lost. It is a very large amount of money for me. More than half a million dollars lost!!

What keeps me away from gambling now is realizing that even if there is a 0.001% possibility that I may lose any money again, that activity (gambling) is not worth it.

Hence I stay away and choose to live my life gamble free..

The pain, anguish, lies are not worth it.. Quick money (gambling, trading etc.) never stays!

[Don14765]

Rising: thanks for sharing that
…I, too, have lost a significant amount of money trying to
Win ….
Yes – you are right, it is not worth it -it seems like it’s a never ending cycle, you win some, and you wanna win more, you lose, and you wanna make up for what you’ve lost…
Or we’ve won and wanna keep
On
Winning -until a loss sets in…
Then that cycle starts all over again 😩
Craziness!
So yes-
Best for me (and may I say all of us here ?)

To avoid that gambling trap altogether…

[risingphoenix]

Day 300 🥳

Nov 12,2021. A day I will never forget. The day I confessed to my family. The day I started rising up from the ashes like a phoenix!

Gamble Free journey continues. One day at a time

Thank you all for your kind supporting comments and for following my progress so far.

I have successfully dug myself out of a massive debt and have started saving again. I am very fortunate to have been able to do this. I will continue to remain cautious at all times!

[jvr3419]

Yay congrats to you. Doing a happy dance for you lol. I’m right behind you 😊 thanks for being inspiring and pushing through this crap and sharing your story to show its possible to overcome this addiction and see the light at the other end. Wishing you many happy days ahead.

[risingphoenix]

Thank you so much Jvr3419. Congrats on your 9+months too! 🥳 Yes, we all need to push through this and regain our life. The sooner we all can realize how much damage we have done to our lives, the sooner we can all start the recovery journey

[risingphoenix]

Day 308 – of being Gamble free.

Busy week at work. Keeping my savings at arms length and not being able to access is giving me an opportunity to appreciate what I have and learn how to protect it. I only have a few hundreds in my checking account and the rest of my salary each month goes to accounts owned by my family.

No easy access to money means no temptation. This is the biggest factor in ensuring I stay gamble free.

Interestingly the temptation still lingers. Oof! Doesn’t look like it ever goes away completely.

Well I only need to remain gamble free one day at a time! 😄 Here’s to staying gamble free again tomorrow.

[Dark Energy]

congrats on your 308th day, you are one of the few who made it, from statistics: only a third of gamblers on recovery can make it to 1 year free of gambling.
so be proud of yourself and keep your guard on, because statistics also show that half of that third can make it to 5 years free of gambling, yes the odds are better “50%” after that one year but it is still a high risk, so keep your guard up.

handing over the finances to your family was a great step, I am planning to do the same in the future just i need to get things a bit better before I do it.

wish you all the best.

[risingphoenix]

Day 319

Thanks DE. Hoping that I continue the gamble free streak forever.

—
Payday is incoming. I have allocated the funds to where they need to go. Have standing instructions ready. Lack of access to funds is a key requirement to staying gamble free.

Here’s to staying gamble free. One day at a time!

[Don14765]

Rising: congrats on day 319 being gamble free!
You pave the way and give hope for people like me who struggle to get even a week of sobriety
Behind them!
And yes- please be careful of that “wave”
That can hit you when you feel down
Or sensitive that one day…

Just gotta be on guard and ready for that I guess is what you can do to prepare ?

Great idea to allot your money
To family ! If we don’t have
Extra money on hand ; we take away
A way for gambling to creep back into our life 🙂

This has helped me immensely (thanks !)
A week or so ago when I had a couple thousand
Re-imbursement
From a hearing aid..
Listening to what you have done-
I delegated the money to a charge card
And my line of credit..

I Always wonder what would’ve happened to me have I not read your post!

I took away opportunities for a gambling
Binge –
Thank you !!!
Please keep up the great sobriety
It certainly
Helps people like me
Who struggle

[risingphoenix]

Glad to hear Don. Well done! Small steps towards sobriety. That’s all it takes. One step ahead of another. I look forward to hear more of your gamble free journey

[Don14765]

Rising: thanks for checking in-
I tested myself for COVID yesterday..
Negative –
But I slept most of the day(no gambling!)

And took the day off work…
Today I’m feeling better – still not at work;
But
I’m refusing all gambling hits as toxic
And hope to keep this up for the rest
Of the day…
Maybe I’ll do some puzzles
And watch baseball to direct my feelings/urges
To a better place 🙂

[risingphoenix]

Day 326

Time goes on. One more gamble free day. Urges are still there but I occupy my mind with other things to drown the urges. I don’t want to relapse and restart my count. Counting the days helps me remember how far I have come. 6 years of gambling damaged so many things in my life that I have to rebuild.

Atleast now I have 326 days of being gamble free behind me, some decent savings, a job, my family’s support, a place to live and able to get a good night’s sleep. I am so very thankful for all that.

[Don14765]

Rising… congrats on a great milestone!

And also , thank you for your rigourous honesty about your urges, I would happen to Think after almost a year the urges would go away? But kudos you for being able to
Avoid those feelings
Of
Urges and to do something else…

I too, want to always remember the thousands of dollars I have spent
And wasted on gambling
When
The odds are so NOT in our favour….

[risingphoenix]

Day 329

Thanks Don. I hope you are staying gamble free. I don’t think the urges ever go away. They just stay in the background waiting like a sleeping tiger to pounce back when we let our guard down. Us gambling addicts should always continue to remain vigil for the rest of our lives. One small slip may end up proving very costly.

On a positive note, I hit a personal financial milestone today. This is surprisingly a few days ahead of schedule. Time for a little celebration 🥳

[risingphoenix]

Day 335

Another day. Another gamble free day.

One day at a time.

[risingphoenix]

Day 337

Lot of introspection over the last few weeks to try and find the root cause of my gambling troubles. Not sure why I started thinking about this now, but my mind has been troubled thinking about this over the last two/three weeks. I am staying gamble free but I have started looking more into my deep seated thoughts.

Why did I become like I had become?
What made me go down this route?
Was there some repressed feeling?
Was there something absurd I was chasing?
Was I angry, sad or depressed about something?
Was I just greedy?
What was I seeking?
Maybe did I actually just become addicted to losing? 😳

I hope to get to the bottom of this someday. I will continue to remain gamble free and build back my life

[Don14765]

Rising: congratulations on your sustained sobriety! You are a pioneer and Lead the way for people like myself who have a hard time staying on track…
You prove it can be done !!

I too, ask those questions…

What am I doing ?
Am I trying to
Recoup my losses(yes!!)
– do I really need to gamble??
– What would be the worst that would happen to me if I stayed even a week of being gamble free?
-why can’t I see that I’ve spend $200 in 9 days and won nothing??

If you don’t mind me saying …you have some good sobriety behind you and at this point with so much sobriety…

You’re Probably thinking “I could’ve started earlier “but you could take consolation in knowing that I am just getting on track and it is so difficult for me to even have a week of sobriety…. so you are miles ahead of me on that road..

An accomplishment For you to be proud of 😁

Thanks for paving the way, and showing people like myself and others that it can be done -if you truly reached your bottom and if you truly want change in your life…

[sjc1]

Rising you continue to be an inspiration. ‘That Dreaded Moment’ has now happened to me. I’m busted and it happened accidentally- I didn’t have the balls to admit my gambling addiction and debts to my family. Thru a serious of events outside of my control the truth about my hidden secret has come out. I’ve lived in fear for 5 years. But you know I’m now relieved and I actually feel like I can breathe again.
I have to deal with reality of repaying my debts in the open.
I’ve taken advice from my accountant.
I’ve been honest with my family.
I’ve been hi with myself.
All that’s left is to actually stop gambling – forever…….,,,,

[risingphoenix]

Day 346

Thanks Don and Sjc1 for your comments. I am glad my story and journey is inspiring others. I hope you are staying gamble free.

Sjc1, I am sorry to hear you have hit your rock bottom/dreaded moment. On the bright side, the only way now is up. Keep at it and you will rebuild your life.

[Don14765]

Rising:yes! Your story and
Gamble -free journey are very inspiring for sure !
Keep
Up the great work

[risingphoenix]

Day 351

Payday is here. Standing instructions set, checks written to family. Money will be sent to where it needs to go. I will remain with only a few hundreds in my account after all bills are paid. No money=no temptation.

Staying gamble free. One day at a time.

[Dark Energy]

Hi Risingphoenix,

keep it up, 15 more days to finish your first year, congratulations you did it, my friend. keep your guard up and you will enjoy a gambling-free life

[risingphoenix]

Day 354

Thanks DE. It is going to be a life long journey. I need to remain very cautious. It is very easy to slip back into old ways if I am not careful.

[Dark Energy]

Hi Risingphoenix,
I hope you are doing well.

I am waiting to celebrate your 1-year mark, I guess you still need one or two days, congratulations in advance.

DE

[risingphoenix]

Day 365! Today marks my 1st year of staying gamble free 🥳🥳🥳. Thanks DE for the wishes.

Journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Here’s to a lifetime of being gamble free.

Thank you everyone for your support and best wishes through this journey. I hope you all are able to stay gamble free.

One day at a time!

[jvr3419]

Yay congratulations risingphoenix that’s so awesome 😁😁😁🥳

[Don14765]

Rising :Congrats on being gamble free for
1 yr! You are a leader/and I am
Grateful that you showed all of us that
We can build a gamble free life
One day at a time …

[Dark Energy]

Congratulations Raisingphoenix, it is time to celebrate after all this hard work. you did it my friend.

[risingphoenix]

Thanks Jvr, Don and DE for all your support through this journey. I look forward to celebrating your milestones as well!

[risingphoenix]

Day 371

Staying gamble free. One day at a time!

[risingphoenix]

Day 415

Thanks Kin. Wish you the same.

2022 was a busy year personally, professionally and for my gamble free journey. Lots of intense periods with withdrawal symptoms, temptations and regrets. I had to keep my monthly income away from my reach and the help of my family in managing my finances was crucial. I changed jobs, improved income and paid off all of my ~$500K worth of gambling debts by selling the house and working hard with some 100-120 hr work weeks and earning a surprise bonus at work in appreciation for my efforts. I have a small savings now which I will cherish as it grows slowly.

Life goes on, we live, we learn. What I have learnt is that gambling is not the solution to anything in life. I have no place for it in my life anymore. Staying gamble free one day at a time!!!

Cheers everyone! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

[Don14765]

Rising : congrats on your ongoing great sobriety !
I am happy to hear that your family is helping you, if you have no money extra you cannot gamble ….

You said you were going through some
Temptations and
Withdraws symptoms…
If you don’t mind I wanted to ask you a question: do you think that at those times when you choose not to listen to those thoughts, not to listen to those ideas; are you basically saying “OK gambling, you got me, I surrender, I can never beat you and you will always win therefore I give up”???

It is very hard
To accept this kind of defeat, call it quits, quell the ego, and just accept the fact that if we go back to gambling, we are never going to succeed ….and it is much better to just surrender it…..?

I have a hard time letting go, I have a hard time saying that “okay gambling, you win I can never win”

Do you feel that essentially that is what you are saying -that you surrender?

And there is nothing wrong with that!
Any tools that help me/you / everyone
To stop gambling
Is quite ok ….
Just thought that I would ask you from a different kind of perspective….

[tomodog]

This is a very inspiring story as I work through day 1

[risingphoenix]

Day 422

Thanks Don14765 and Tomodog.

Don, you are right. It is very hard to accept defeat. But this is what we need to do. There is no other way. We have to surrender. I know it is difficult especially with an alpha personality like many of us here who have been successful at many other things in life; be it careers, sports or anything else. However, similar to the scenario that not everyone can become a F1 racing champion or a professional mma fighter, I have come to the conclusion I cannot be good at gambling. I just cannot and will not win sustainably and will always lose if I engage in it. Any win would be fleeting and it would be a fluke. So yes, I have hung up my gambling shoes forever so to speak.

Hope this helps answer your question and helps you to stay gamble free. All it takes is to say “I WILL NOT GAMBLE TODAY”

Staying gamble free. One day at a time!

[Don14765]

Rising: thanks for verifying that!
It’s just the biggest problem for me, is to know that this is a “reverse“ actions that is needed to stop gambling?
If I want to get bigger muscles I need to go to the gym and work out hard and have a good diet and have a good mental state as well

If I want to get praise from people I have to work hard, give things to people , listen to them and be a nice person…

But for gambling, the best success is to do nothing? For instance today is Tuesday, January 10, in order for me to be successful today I do nothing, I spend nothing online, I don’t buy any lottery tickets, I don’t go on sports sites …nothing …and I will be successful??

I have a hard time accepting that as I have tried to be successful all my life and all I know is to work really hard… this is a different kind of work if you know what I mean:)

But yes surrender is the key, because no matter how I try and call “beat” gambling …it always seems to come back and take my money and bite me in the end…

[risingphoenix]

Day 425. Staying gamble free. One day at a time!

Don, what I am about to say is going to be hard to read. But I will say it as I do care about you and I want to see you get well and recover your life.

You are still at Step 1 of the 12 Step. You need to accept that you are powerless over this addiction. Unless you accept this defeat, recovery won’t begin. You have to give up the thought that you can get good at gambling. There is no such thing for us compulsive gamblers. There is only luck and chance and the gambler’s fallacy. You have to give up this thought.

[risingphoenix]

Day 427

I read my blog posts here again last night. I just want a constant reminder of my struggle and journey to make me realize I never want to go back to the place I was in on Nov 12, 2021.

It is very easy to go back to the old ways if I let my guard down. I will remain vigilant and cautious.

Staying gamble free. One day at a time!

[Don14765]

Rising: thanks for your concern- I appreciate it when nowadays it’s most difficult to

Know someone who cares about your health..
So- thanks !!
I have a friend I sometimes talk to that triggers me sometimes, what he hears is how much a Lottery is offering …all he can think about is winning that amount of money… but at least I realize myself, how difficult it is to win that kind of money…

The odds are so stacked against me as a gambler it is crazy! I feel like I am almost there, ready to give this up because no matter how hard I try I can’t win …

I try, and try again..
Different methods/lotteries …
All seems to have enormous odds in their favour…
Not for me..the gambler 😯

And no! Do not wanna see you go back to that dark place, there’s just no beating or winning at gambling … The only way to beat this disease is to surrender …and give up …I am slowly but surely realizing that

Thanks so so much for your kind support!

[risingphoenix]

You’re welcome Don.

Day 436
Another gamble free day. Staying gamble free. One day at a time!

[Dark Energy]

hi Risingphoenix,
congratulation on your 436 days, whish you all the best.

[risingphoenix]

Day 470

Thanks Kin for checking in. I hope you are doing okay.

I have been focused on work and other family affairs. Things are going well and I am continuing to remain gamble free. The temptations still come every now and then but I am able to recognize and distract myself with other things.

Life goes on. Staying gamble free. One day at a time!

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by risingphoenix.

[lexu48]

I hear about temptation and I have experience recently when my Gamban is expired. So I went online and gamble with less then ******** and it give me a winning total ******* dollars . So I thought wow this is so good and use the money.
However as I cont playing for winning more, end up losing it all plus I put more money about ****** . At the end am in debt a lot *****
Hides from my husband and felt so shameful. I had enough thinking I can control my temptations so I add the Gamban back.
I wish I did renew the app before so I wouldn’t have loss the ******* , it will be cheaper then the app I pay

• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by lexu48.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by lexu48.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 3 months ago by lexu48.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by Dunc. Reason: Edited to remove the monetary values

[risingphoenix]

Day 485 – Staying gamble free. One day at a time!

Lexu48 – This is a very dangerous addiction. We should not think that we can control it and indulge a bit. There is no gray area. Either you gamble or you don’t. Please exert all your will power to stay gamble free. Also, you’ll need your family to support you. The sooner you are able to confess with family and tell the truth, the sooner your recovery will begin.

[risingphoenix]

Day 502.. crossed 500 days! 🎉

Staying gamble free. One day at a time.

[risingphoenix]

Thank you Kin. I hope you are keeping well.

[ax9722]

Some are at 500 days, I’m ath day one. Every journey has a beginning, today is mine, and your post is encouraging. Well done, hope I’ll reach the 500 days mark in a year and a half <3

[risingphoenix]

Congrats on your day one ax9722. Everyone has to start some day 🙂 It’s always one day at a time

[Dark Energy]

congratulations on your 500 days, you have found the way out of this addiction just keep doing what you are doing and enjoy the fruits of your hard work.

[risingphoenix]

Day 530

Been feeling incredibly stressed this last month. There were many days that the stress created thoughts of gambling. I am not sure why I am getting triggered. I managed to stay strong through these feelings. I really don’t want to go back again into this mess.

I will be reading my journal once again today to remind me how far I have come and to reinforce my willpower.

I hope everyone is staying gamble free.

One day at a time

[risingphoenix]

Day 1.

I failed. I succumbed to the triggers. After 530+ days of sobriety, I failed. Despite my best efforts I couldn’t prevent myself from gambling. I had a slip/relapse and it was bad. I blew through sizable amount of my savings in the last few days.

I believe this is the universe giving me a much needed jump start/shock to get me back on my gambling free path. This is painful and I must live with the consequences.

1. I am disappointed in myself on how I let this happen. In a span of a few days I wasted close to six months of savings. A lot of money!

2. I recognized what was happening and before it was too late and I stopped but it was few days in.

3. I did not follow my routine and was not keeping my money at arms length. I thought I could control my money myself, but that was a foolish idea.

4. The phoenix will rise again. I am knocked down but I am not out. I know I built myself back up from the ashes and I will rise again!

5. Good thing is I am not in debt this time around. I still have my job.

I am filled with gratitude that I am able to recognize my flaws before it is too late.

[risingphoenix]

I will be okay. I will be okay.

God is testing me.

[jvr3419]

I’m not going to say I’m sorry because I no that doesn’t help and I hate the term. But I feel for you I no what it takes to get to that mental anguish. The good news is you no how to stop and you no what works to keep you from doing this behavior. As I’ve learned over the years sometimes relapses need to happen so we can learn what we have to keep doing to avoid it again. I had this behavior relapse after 9 years of solid addiction recovery, it happens! Your gonna get back up and keep going 💪 it’s just a minor detour. You got this rising.

[risingphoenix]

Thanks JVR. Yes, I got this.

[Dark Energy]

hi Risingphoenix,
sorry to hear that, but you should be proud of yourself, you have done 500+ days free of gambling, the reality is a gambling addiction is like driving a bicycle once you learn it you will never forget it.
this thought used to depress me but now I reached peace with this fact and I am managing my life based on that.

you have done 500+ days before just do what you have done before to reach this number and you will be ok. don’t let this slip pulls you down to a new rock bottom.

the risk of relapse in the first 3 months will be high so take more than the normal measures during this period,
3 years ago I reached 6 months free of gambling and then I eased my guards then I slipped once and it lead me to two years of hell ( 20+ relapses in two years and a new records breaking rock-bottom)

be very careful at this stage. it is just a small relapse regardless of whether it is 6 months of saving or if it is just 100$, the main thing is don’t let this relapse leads you to a series of relapse.

500+ days are still 500+ days you have achieved it and you should be very proud of yourself.

wish you all the best my friend.

[charles]

Hi, the date of your last bet has changed; what you have learned in recvery hasn’t. Get back to doing the things that worked. I would suggest not havign access to those sums of money – if we can’t instantly act on an urge then it has chance to weaken.

[risingphoenix]

Thanks JVR, Kin, DE and Charles for your support and kind words.

Your words mean much more to me than you can ever imagine. I am truly grateful to be able to share my feelings with you all.

I am very disappointed in myself. I feel like burying myself in the bed and not wanting to get up. I am angry, ashamed and confused. I was doing so good abstaining and suddenly I lost control.

My resolve to stay gamble free is now stronger than ever before and I just need to put one foot ahead of another and stay gamble free again. One day at a time. Today I did not gamble. Today is Day 2!

[risingphoenix]

Day 3

Another gamble free day.

[Don14765]

Rising…sorry you’ve had to reset your date:(
But you made it before to well over a year !
That’s got to say something positive!

You’ve got 3 days behind you already-
That’s a great start !
Keep up the good work !

[risingphoenix]

Thanks Don. I hope you are keeping well.

[Don14765]

You’re welcome Rising…
Hope we all can hear/ see another 500
Gamble free days in your postings 🙂
I’m doing not-too bad..
I’m learning the house always has an advantage …
No matter how much
I “think” I can win….
Getting really tired of losing money
I sometimes have to work really
Hard to earn….
I’m writing down
All the losses I’ve amassed
In the last couple weeks …
Over $200 ..
I budget for $40
Per week…not $100:(
Im learning(albeit slowly)
That I can learn to live
Without gambling….

[risingphoenix]

Day 16
I confessed the relapse to my family. I have been hiding with them the extent of the relapse till now and was feeing very anxious. Somehow I built up the courage to confess. Family is very supportive and understanding and is willing to help me manage the money and avoid triggers. I am grateful for such a loving and caring family.

I feel like a weight has been lifted and I feel less guilty now. I am back on the gambling free path again stronger than ever.

Staying gamble free. One day at a time.

[risingphoenix]

No free access to money = no temptation

I have sent instructions to the bank to transfer paycheck money to accounts managed by family as soon as it arrives.

I used to do this all last year and was gamble free and I started not doing this the last five months. And guess what I lost all the money I had access three weeks ago.

Expensive lesson learnt. I cannot change my addiction. I can however deprive it of resources.

Staying gamble free again. One day at a time

[Don14765]

Rising…
Good for you you’ve gone back to delegating
Your income/money to the bank based on your
Instructions and allowing your family
To take over your finances 🙂

If I might say, I really want to be able to enjoy and control this addiction of gambling, but again and again I find I go over my budgeted amount
Too often…..
Which should tell that there’s no control ..
No matter how
Strongly I may think I can
Have control …
So! Kudos to you for
Realizing you have little to maybe 0 control
Over gambling (if I May say)
And you’ve
Made the very smart move
Of surrendering thoughts
Of gambling
And turning your finances over to your family and your bank ☺️

[risingphoenix]

Thanks Kin for checking in. I have been doing okay staying gamble free this month. Lot of pain and anguish from the relapse but family has been very supportive.

Kin, I liked your post 177806 on page. 36. So much truth in this.

I hope everyone finds the strength to stay gamble free today. One day at a time

[risingphoenix]

Day 39

There is no other option but to remain gamble free. I will not let my addiction define me. Instead, I will have my recovery define me!

Staying gamble free. One day at a time.

[risingphoenix]

Day 45

Payday is coming up. I need to continue handing over my money to my family so that I don’t get tempted.

Staying gamble free. One day at a time

[risingphoenix]

Thanks for the kind words Kin.

[Dark Energy]

I can see you are on track again, well done Risingphoenix, you didn’t let a small relapse ruin all that you have rebuilt.
keep it up and enjoy a life free of gambling.

[risingphoenix]

Thanks Kin. You too!

I have been quite busy at work these past few weeks. The lack of access to funds is keeping all gambling thoughts away. Staying gamble free, one day at a time!

[risingphoenix]

Day 75

Payday is coming up. I am getting ready with standing instructions and cheques that’ll keep the money away from my reach. I am thankful for my family who continue to support me everyday.

[risingphoenix]

Day 103 (since the relapse)

Feeling quite a bit of stress at work lately. I cannot however relent nor relax and leave this job. I need to continue to perform as I have no other option but to work so that I can build back what I lost – one day at a time. I continue to remain gamble free.

It’s been 649 days since I hit rock bottom with half a million in debt and losing almost everything. I remain always thankful to God and my family who have given me this chance to rebuild my life.

I have since sold my house, repaid all of my debts, and have started building back up financially and emotionally again. I need to keep moving forward and always remember what would happen if I lose my way to gambling.

Here’s to staying gamble free. One day at a time

[Dark Energy]

we have the same issue, I have been stuck in this job for 10 years, and I have had a lot of work pressure recently, I thought about resigning, but I don’t have that luxury…

I have to keep working in the same Job despite the pressure, changing Jobs is a very risky decision and I can’t take it now. I am not ready financially for such a move.

[risingphoenix]

Hi Kin,

Thanks for checking in. Hope you are holding up well. I have been staying gamble free, hope you are too!

I did recently have strong gambling feelings in the last two weeks. It was a combination of lack of sleep and stress at work. I was however very conscious when the thoughts came and I stuck to my plan of handing over all my paycheck money to my family. The instant that salary arrived in my account it was transferred over. This simple step of handing over all the money and keeping it away from access saved me again. It is a battle, and a precarious journey. We need to just stay gamble free, one day at a time.

I recently bought a house (with a mortgage of course) and moved out of my apartment. If you remember, it was a very difficult moment in my life when I hit rock bottom (my first post here) and lost my previous house to gambling two years ago. I am very happy now that I have my own house again!

I am now 176 days gamble free from my last relapse and 722 days (2 years next week!) from my rock bottom. I have a decent savings, a house again and no longer in debt(apart from the house mortgage).

I am living proof that if anyone recovering from gambling addiction is disciplined and able to stay away from gambling- their life can be rebuilt again.

Staying gambling free. One day at a time!

[kin]

Congratulation on the purchase of a new house!

[risingphoenix]

Thanks Kin!

[kin]

Hi risingphoenix,

Please do not be too hard and rough on yourself. Keep a look out for burnout and stress from work.
Please do not forget to give yourself a well deserve break from work.

Best wishes
Kin

[kin]

Hi risingphoenix,

Thinking of you. I miss reading your post.

[risingphoenix]

Day 762 since rock bottom
Day 216 GF days since the relapse

Hi Kin: thanks for checking in. I hope you have also been staying gamble free.

I was under a lot of work pressure for the majority of this year. And more so recently. I have decided to change jobs and hoping a change into next year will let me manage my time and stress levels better. I may even be okay with a pay cut as long as I sleep better.

From a financial standpoint I am doing much better now than where I was at my rock bottom 2 years ago. I am so proud of myself on what I have been able to do and how I crawled out of this mess of an addiction.

There still isn’t a single day when I don’t regret my actions through the addiction. I have to keep reinforcing to myself that gambling is never an answer to any of the problems in life so that I never ever relapse.

I will always remain thankful to my family for continuing to morally support me everyday.

Holidays are around and I hope everyone finds time to spend with their loved ones and keep their finances safe from the addiction. I hope you all find the strength to remain gamble free. Happy Holidays all.

Staying gamble free. One day at a time.

[kin]

Hi risingphoenix

You have always demonstrated to me in your posts
You are someone who have the courage, strength, wisdom, focus and resilience to carry out your plan.
I was using your words when I mention “stick to the plan all the way to the end” in my post.

Thank you for sharing.

[velvet]

Hi Rising Pheonix

How I love to read posts that celebrate triumph over adversity.

Using the past for reference only is, in my opinion, good. I hope that one day you will stop regretting a past you cannot change but see it as an education, (albeit a terrible one) towards living a wonderful, gamble-free life.

Those who have struggled out of a very real and very frightening abyss deserve to be valued and heard. Those who follow your story can stop thinking they are doomed to fail – but believe instead that they can succeed, because you did it. That is ‘your’ message and it is so special.

Thank you

Velvet

• This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by velvet.

[kin]

Hi risingphoenix,

Hope is one spiritual principle that can be given away.

Hope is hearing others experience.

Thank you for sharing your recovery with me.

[kin]

Hi risingphoenix,

Thinking of you today.

Looking forward to your next post.

[kin]

Hi risingphoenix,

You are such an inspiring person for the rest of us here. I am really very appreciative of all your posts!

How was your new year so far? I am looking forward to reading your first post of the year 2024.

Thank you!

• This reply was modified 4 months, 1 week ago by kin.

[risingphoenix]

Day 802 since rock bottom
Day 256 since last relapse

Happy new year everyone. I hope you are all staying gamble free.

Thanks Velvet and Kin for the kind words.

I joined a new job this year. It pays 20% lower than my previous one. You may wonder why I chose this job .. it is because it is a type of job I like doing versus the other job I had which was far more stressful and was not fulfilling.

This year I wish to move on from my financial rebuilding (which is almost done at this point) and focus more on my personal relationships and physical health. This means thinking less and less about earning/saving money and just spending quality time with my family and friends. It also means a dedicated focus on eating healthy and getting fit. I have neglected both these areas (I have gotten way too out of shape) in pursuit of money and gambling all these years – something that led to my downfall.

I continue to build my life back up one day at a time! I now have a decent savings to cater to my emergencies, a house (with mortgage of course), a job i like and my family supporting me all the way. I am thankful to Lord/Universe for the opportunity at my very rock bottom to rebuild and live my life the proper way.

Staying gamble free, one day at a time!

[kin]

Hi risingphoenix,

Thank you for sharing your journey. It was a joy watching your progress in recovery.

You are so wise to seek happiness and living with a purpose.

[kin]

A famous man’s final essay:

“I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world. In others’ eyes my life is an epitome of success.
However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to.

At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and
wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.

You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – “Life”.

When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading – “Book of Healthy Life.”

Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.

Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends…
Treat yourself well. Cherish others.

As we grow older, and hence wiser, we slowly realize that —

• wearing a $300 or $30 watch – they both tell the same time…
• Whether we carry a $300 or $30 wallet/handbag – the amount of money inside is the same;
• Whether we drive a $150,000 car or a $30,000 car, the road and distance is the same, and we get to the same destination.
• Whether we drink a bottle of $300 or $10 wine – the hangover is the same;
• Whether the house we live in is 300 or 3000 sq ft – loneliness is the same.

You will realize, your true inner happiness does not come from the material things of this world.

Whether you fly first or economy class, if the plane goes down – you go down with it…

Therefore.. I hope you realize, when you have mates, buddies and old friends, brothers and sisters, who you chat with, laugh with, talk with, have sing songs with, talk about north-south-east-west or heaven and earth, …. That is true happiness!!

Five Undeniable Facts of Life :
1. Don’t educate your children to be rich. Educate them to be Happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things not the price.
2. Best awarded words in London … “Eat your food as your medicines. Otherwise you have to eat medicines as your food.”
3. The One who loves you will never leave you for another because even if there are 100 reasons to give up he or she will find one reason to hold on.
4. There is a big difference between a human being and being human. Only a few really understand it.
5. You are loved when you are born. You will be loved when you die. In between, You have to manage!

NOTE: If you just want to Walk Fast, Walk Alone! But if you want to Walk Far, Walk Together!

Six Best Doctors in the World
1. Sunlight
2. Rest
3. Exercise
4. Diet
5. Self Confidence and
6. Friends

Maintain them in all stages of Life and enjoy a healthy life.

[risingphoenix]

Thanks for sharing Kin. Very valuable knowledge in the post above.

[risingphoenix]

Day 823 since rock bottom.
Day 277 since last relapse.

Staying gamble free is no longer difficult. It has just become a way of life. I notice that even if some distracting thoughts come to my mind I can immediately discard it.

Life goes on. One gamble free day at a time.

[kin]

Hi risingphoenix,

It was nice to read your posts. They encourages us to aim and work towards our recovery goal.

Life do improve after a period of gamble free time and we are all still work in progress.

[kin]

H risingphoenix,

Thank you for showing us how you stick to the plan all the way to the end.

[kin]

Hi risingphoenix,

It was a blessing to be able to read your struggles and success in recovery.

[Author]

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