28 April 2020 at 10:35 am #7100TeachMeParticipant
Just found out my fiancé has got into £20k of debt with gambling. We are due to be married in a few months and I really need some advice/support. I can’t tell anyone as he has trusted me with this information. It’s been a problem in the past that I didn’t know about and he’s not told anyone before. He’s asked me to help, not financially but for support which I really want to do.
How do I help him? Will this be a recurring problem? When we marry how will this affect my credit?
I’ve always been fairly good with money and had dreams of a future with a family etc, this has just thrown me a bit as it will take three years for it to be paid off. We keep money separate but obviously when we move in together some money will need to be split for paying bills etc.
Any advice fully welcome!28 April 2020 at 12:26 pm #7101velvetModerator
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
The Gambling Therapy Team28 April 2020 at 11:17 pm #7102velvetModerator
Well done for seeking support, it must have been an awful shock to hear that your fiancé has such a problem when you are so close to marriage.
What steps has your fiancé taken to seek support because it is important that he takes responsibility for himself and his own behaviour – words are not enough and asking you to help, is not enough.
The addiction to gamble does not have to be a recurring problem although a compulsive gambler will always be a compulsive gambler. I know that your finance can take control of his addiction and live gamble free for ever if he has the determination and desire to do so but true recoveries are impossible to recognise in the early stages, they take tremendous courage and determination and are usually full of ups and downs. In my opinion, it is best that you put thoughts of marriage on a back burner for a while, allowing him time to get the support he needs and to prove himself to himself and to you.
There is a lot of support, nowadays, for a man with a gambling addiction; we have excellent facilitated gambler only groups on this site and a terrific Helpline that is one-to-one. Many gamblers find that GA is a great support.
Please keep posting, there is a lot to take in at the beginning and I know it isn’t easy. I was hoping you might make it into the F&F group this evening as it is so good to ‘talk’ in real time.
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